Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
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Brads suicide 2 years in May vader

vader
vader
In May,it will be 2 years that Brad committed suicide and I still am having all kinds of problems.The first thing I noticed about suicide is the stigma.Noone wants to talk to you.It is like you do not exist.Brads death was not my fault.You cant prevent someone from taking their own life.You can take them to the emergency room and such..but it is up to them if they want to live or die.Brad had a lot of problems.We all do.Problems are a way of life and you must learn to deal with them.You must learn that all problems can be solved and they cant be the best of them.You cant let them overwhelm you.But this is what my so called friends are.They are overwhelmed.And their lack of concern and such shows.One person used to call me all the time has stopped.It is like I had the flu.There is just total abandoment.why do people feel so sorry for Michael Jackson but when us ordinary people have problems run away? Cant they also be concerned? Why cant the ministers and Christians have ministrys for survivors of suicide? And why is there silence on this subject? Why is it taboo? And where are the so called friends? As for me,I am laughing on the outside and crying on the inside.I still cry every day and wonder what I did wrong to have Brad did this.Now I said earlier that Brads death wasnt my fault and it is true,it wasnt.But the failure of not getting him into rehab and start him without a lifetime of drinking and drugs was and for this I am paying the price.Thanks to all who have helped me all during this time and i intend to write again.Vader.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's not just suicide, it's death that causes people to act like that. My wife fell ill and passed quickly, in less than two months. And during those two months we had a lot of suport, all the while thinking she would turn around. But after the funeral, it was as though I died too. Not a single person came to visit me, to see if I needed anything, and except for my mom, and I mean not one, called to know that i was still alive. Cheryl's untimely death took us all by surprise, and therein I believe lies the problem. It's been over 4 years now and I still feel like $#!&, but I have to hide it now. People were telling me after 6 months that I had to "get over it", and "move on with my life", apparently alone. I'm sure you've heard or at least felt that. And yes, I still cry, alone, maybe not every day but close to it. Never was there a single time where there was someone there to hold me. That in itself is a dagger in my soul.
I've been to counselor's, a few support groups, and yes, had one friend at work that would take me to lunch once in awhile. But at the end of the session, or the meeting, or the work day, it's all the same... the hurt & loneliness are still there, and she's still gone, and nothing I do will change that.
Maybe suicide is more difficult for people to address, but please know that you're not alone in feeling abandoned, and it's not just because of how Brad left us; people can't deal with death and want you to move past it. My prayers are with you; I hope you do better than I am.
So take heart in knowing that at least one person knows how much you hurt to feel the way you do, to feel that no one wants to know about it, that no one is there to lean on, that everyone thinks everything in your your life is "OK". I know it isn't, and there are thousands just like us out there that know & feel the same. We just have to do this ourselves.
Sorry to be such a downer... oh well, time to put on my pretend happy face. :-\
Gary
shur1
shur1
clanross you are not alone same thing happened when my father died after the funeral that was it its like everyone says ok now its over let get back to our lives why? because they have no love in their hearts they think they love but do not for if they did they would have shown it by going through the pain with you not to avoid it. to love is to be willing to share the pain with others that are hurting when we share joy when someone has good news do we not? yes because it is alway pleasurable but when pain arrives in someones life many run away and abandon them. It this what love is? no Love means to also be willing to share in the pain as well as the joy
barbarame
barbarame
I know what you are talking about. Will it help if I reach out across the miles to hold you and to cry a bit with you?


When a butterfly brushes my cheek
I know it is a kiss from you
When music plays in the distance
I hear your whisper too
I know you have forgiven me
For all I failed to do,
I know that you must miss me
As much as I miss you
Please wait for me, my call will come
And I will swiftly run
to join you and to be with you
Oh yes, I too am coming home.
vader
vader
to all who answered I want to say thank you.Suicide is still a big taboo here and you feel so alone and so out of it.I want to thank the person who gave me the poem and it cheered me up.And remember if any of you are depressed and such..please go for help and get medication and talk it out.Thanks a bunch from vader and the cat.
ter1
ter1
My son just committed suicide a week ago. I'm having a very hard time. There is a stigma to it, so I'm only telling my close friends and family. Other people I tell them that he had an accident.