Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
It is Wednesday,July 22nd,2009.It is two months since I found my brad dead
in the yard with his wrists slashed.AWhen this happened,I couldnt at all believe it.It was like being in a movie.Brads body was stiff and I knew.I knew that he had taken his life and to this day I dont know why.He told people that he was having money problems and i knew that this isnt true.SInce January,Brad spend a great deal of money on the car and he brought 2 more new computers.He brought a HTD tv which he brought back after a week.He was buying clothes,food and stuff for the cats.He was on unemployment and he was acting real strange.There was a strange smell in the house.I mean strange and even his personality changed.He wasnt the same.I think that he planned his death and planned for me to be alone.He loved the house but was talking about moving again;WithBrad...we were moving every 2 years and I told him no.I cant move here and move there all because he gets bored paying the rent and go some place else.But I noticed that Brad like my late mother was fascinated with movement.He always had to be doing something.One day at 10 o clock..he got dressed and took a walk.Walks,and such and arguements over money.Before he died..he screamed at me all because I wear used clothes.I cant afford clothes and my clothes arent at that bad.When you are on ssdi,you only get so much and Brad and i together paid for the rent.I paid for the cable and phone and he would get me half.It just
wasnt the same and Brad grew depressed and I mean depressed.I didnt
know what to do because of his depression and excessive drinking.On May8
it started.Brad who was a full blown alcoholic began to drink.He started withMikes Lemonade here and then it went to vodka.He wasnt at all eating.I was overwhelmed.He was on the verge of killing himself and getting nasty
and verbal ly abusing me also.Brad was going thru 2 bottles of vodka a day and then he would sleep all day.Awake and drink more.I knew.I knew that
this was the last binge.My brother is in New York and is having problems
because of the crisis.He was planning to take us to a Mariner game and Brad knew about this since February.I havent seen Stanley in 5 years.The last time I saw my brother was at the funeral of my dear beloved older brother
Frank and that anniversary is coming up also.I have been taking care of the bills and i asked my social worker for a job because I wont leave this house.
I cant afford to move.My funds are limited.And I wont go back to New York.i will stay in seattle.This town is one of the greatest and it has a special flavor.It isnt like New York but it has wonderful sights and music and peoplewho are super.I have made friends in the coffee houses here.I read the tarot once a month in class and I am doing things.But Brad hurt me.The pain is still there.I am trying to find out why.Why Brad? Why? And why after 12 and half years..did you decide to leave me? I will always love you and I will never forget you..but now I am faced getting a job and starting over and i will.Suicide hurts.The pain will always remind with me and on 7/24/09...we are having a memorial service then and i will wear my black dress and speak and then I will cry but Brad I will mourn you for a long time..its just that I have to let the memories of that bad day go.I have to move on and I must.
in the yard with his wrists slashed.AWhen this happened,I couldnt at all believe it.It was like being in a movie.Brads body was stiff and I knew.I knew that he had taken his life and to this day I dont know why.He told people that he was having money problems and i knew that this isnt true.SInce January,Brad spend a great deal of money on the car and he brought 2 more new computers.He brought a HTD tv which he brought back after a week.He was buying clothes,food and stuff for the cats.He was on unemployment and he was acting real strange.There was a strange smell in the house.I mean strange and even his personality changed.He wasnt the same.I think that he planned his death and planned for me to be alone.He loved the house but was talking about moving again;WithBrad...we were moving every 2 years and I told him no.I cant move here and move there all because he gets bored paying the rent and go some place else.But I noticed that Brad like my late mother was fascinated with movement.He always had to be doing something.One day at 10 o clock..he got dressed and took a walk.Walks,and such and arguements over money.Before he died..he screamed at me all because I wear used clothes.I cant afford clothes and my clothes arent at that bad.When you are on ssdi,you only get so much and Brad and i together paid for the rent.I paid for the cable and phone and he would get me half.It just
wasnt the same and Brad grew depressed and I mean depressed.I didnt
know what to do because of his depression and excessive drinking.On May8
it started.Brad who was a full blown alcoholic began to drink.He started withMikes Lemonade here and then it went to vodka.He wasnt at all eating.I was overwhelmed.He was on the verge of killing himself and getting nasty
and verbal ly abusing me also.Brad was going thru 2 bottles of vodka a day and then he would sleep all day.Awake and drink more.I knew.I knew that
this was the last binge.My brother is in New York and is having problems
because of the crisis.He was planning to take us to a Mariner game and Brad knew about this since February.I havent seen Stanley in 5 years.The last time I saw my brother was at the funeral of my dear beloved older brother
Frank and that anniversary is coming up also.I have been taking care of the bills and i asked my social worker for a job because I wont leave this house.
I cant afford to move.My funds are limited.And I wont go back to New York.i will stay in seattle.This town is one of the greatest and it has a special flavor.It isnt like New York but it has wonderful sights and music and peoplewho are super.I have made friends in the coffee houses here.I read the tarot once a month in class and I am doing things.But Brad hurt me.The pain is still there.I am trying to find out why.Why Brad? Why? And why after 12 and half years..did you decide to leave me? I will always love you and I will never forget you..but now I am faced getting a job and starting over and i will.Suicide hurts.The pain will always remind with me and on 7/24/09...we are having a memorial service then and i will wear my black dress and speak and then I will cry but Brad I will mourn you for a long time..its just that I have to let the memories of that bad day go.I have to move on and I must.
Join the Conversation