It could be depression and it could also be grief. We all griev differantly and with the loss of your mother being so close to your simptomes I would lean mor etwords grieving unless you have some history of depression?

I am truelly sorry for your loss! I lost my mother in May and my father in March this year. I have a history of depression and have some of the same symptoms you are desribing, but those can also be grieving. Talk to a Dr and maybe they can get you started on a low dose medication that can help take the edge off of the pain. You may also want to talk with a therapist to help work out some of this grief.

Hugs and best of luck.

It seems the initial shock of the loss is now wearing off. Are you depressed? Obviously. Is it clinical? Only a Dr. can tell you. Is it normal under the circumstances? Yes. Is your increasing anxiety normal? YES. I suggest you go to your personal physician and discuss these symptoms. A small dose of anti-anxiety medication and perhaps a low dose of an anti-depressant really aren't too much to ask when struggling with such a serious loss.

I believe you should go see someone and tell them how you're feeling. I was the same way for 5 months since I lost my father and just recently they put me on anti depressants. So far it's not working because I've been on them for 10 days but if you do get medication, you'll need to be patient with it. And really, talk to someone and let them know. Take care!

Hi again Parker Ann,

Oh boy I can relate and we all have different ways of coping, or not coping should i say!

When my uncle passed away from small cell lung cancer I experienced grief related depression. I had no idea what was wrong with me, until I stopped and reflected.

Keeping busy actually hindered my emotional growth and worsened my depression.. I was so busy trying to be strong for everyone else and remain distracted, and also this was my first very significant loss so I didn't realise until I was completely a mess until it all came crashing down on me and everything was too much! I even had suicidal thinking.. and I think existential thinking is quite relevant to grief as death is on the mind.

I sent myself off to counselling and to the GP for medication, just a low dose anti depressant which I stayed on for a year (which is recomended to give a boost to the brain at a cellular level says my doctor friend). A month following this I really felt an improvement, not a cure, but just enough to give me a breather.

There are natural mood boosters at the pharmacist like samE and St Johns Wort if you are hesitant to get prescription meds... and you can find more about these at this link http://www.allstarhealth.com/blog/miscellaneous/same/ or others if you just do some research or talk to a pharmacist.

Don't underestimate the impact of grief, and make room for it where you can. Also lifestyle factors play a huge role in depression, and genetics play a role as well. It is wonderful that you are sharing and seeking support..

You can get through this... and your mum will always be a part of you to help you get through.

take care,
spirit.

Every one of the people who've answered you have really good comments. I just want to add a few things from my experience with deep grief--I am by no means qualified to, but after losing five family members in six years, I know a little about it.

I don't know if I'm even spelling this right, but it seems to me you've 'compartamentalized" things so you can function at work, with family, around other people. When you get a moment alone those barriers come down and you are bum rushed with emotions. I know, my bathroom has seen many a meltdown. I realize that I'm a different person in public situations. When someone asks how I am, I always say I'm fine.

But I'm not always fine. Most of the time my head swims with thoughts, often of those I've lost. Ten years ago I was blissfully unaware of this kind of pain, but there came a day when that life ended and now I'm in a different place.

Depression is obviously something I struggle with. I'm on a mild anti-depressant now (this coming from someone who thought aspirin was hard core). But this I do know: you need to take care of yourself. If it means crying all the way to a treatment center, so be it--let the tears flow. You're not insensitive (not even a little bit), you're not fake (a smile is a smile, do it as often as you can), you're not "making too much of it" (listen: you've been through Hell, give yourself a break on that one and take a nice, long nap).

Come here to vent when you need to, these people on here are ANGELS. It's a safe environment to let go and be among those who know where you're coming from.

And on a side note, I think your dog may be more in tune with you than you realize. I am a total believer in "fur therapy." Hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Physical symptoms of grief
How does it Feel?

Physical and emotional feelings You may experience in grief.
Grief effects everyone differently, so not everyone will have all of these symptoms...

PHYSICAL:

Tightness in chest
Fatigue
Breathlessness
Irregular heartbeat
Elevated Blood Pressure
Difficulty sleeping
Tension
Headaches
Oversensitivity to noise
Nausea
Change in appetite
Dry mouth
Irregular bowels
Vulnerable to illness
Weakness of muscles
Excessive perspiration
Tremors, shaking

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL:

Sadness
Anger
Helplessness
Guilt
Blame
Anxiety
Hopelessness
Numbness
Yearning
Denial
Confusion
Social withdrawal
Restlessness, overactivity
Loss of control
Appetite changes
Crying, sighing
Despair
Shock
Denial
Depression
Suicidal thoughts
Fear
Nightmares
Panic attacks
Flashbacks
Absent-mindedness
Abandonment
Sense of presence of your loved one who died
Preoccupation with memories, thoughts
Loss of ability for pleasure

We do not have the answers to many of these, but with support of those that understand and want to help ....you will find your way...
Your physician, religious organization, counselor, grief groups, family, friends and co-workers and others going through the loss of their loved one can all contribute to your healing....

ForMomsOnly
AnnM

I'm not a clinical professional, so I can't clinically diagnose you, but I feel the same way. I'm OK conversing with people, but it took me a long, long time to face the dark when I'm alone. I still find the nights pretty dark, and sometimes have trouble relaxing, but I've learned to kind of blasely accept the darkness.

OK, I`ve taken in all every one has had to say. It took me a few days but I`m back now. I do compartmentalize this to the point of OCD. After last night`s degree of downness (?) I should probably talk to a dr. too. 9 the day before was great!) I`m just nervous about switching dr.`s and the one I got now has been burned\tricked by too many scammers. Had a pulled neck`shoulder muscle and the first time I went in (a years b4 he prescribed a 5 day dose of muscle relaxers and took x-rays and me seriously) he treated me like a drug addict. I don`t want to tell my husband. He thinks I`m doing fine. I`m going to be ok. It`s just hard taking the steps.

Thank you all for your support :)

I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm new to this kind of grief, so I've been reading a lot about it. It is very normal to feel intense emotions for months (and sometimes a year or more). I once had a therapist who said the average amount of time is 18 months. Feeling OK one day and devastated the next is also totally normal. Grief ebbs and flows, it has its' own timetable and will not be rushed. (Personally, I find it very unsettling, this unpredictability about when grief is going to punch me in the stomach next, but I've started to get used to it. Sort of.) It is REALLY important to let yourself feel it....as awful as it seems,...the only way out is through. Trying to suppress it is a surefire way to prolong the process.
I'm not saying it isn't depression, but it's probably a bit early to tell. A month is a very short time to adjust to a world that suddenly seems completely off-kilter. (I have bipolar disorder and was already in a depressive episode when I found out about my loved one, so I'm really not brushing depression aside as no big deal.
The book that has most helped me (thus far) to understand this overwhelming and bewildering experience, is A Time To Grieve by Carol Staudacher. I don't usually do this with books, but I started folding down the corner edge of the pages I related to until I realized that it was getting out of control because so many of them were relevant.