Soon it will be 5 years that I lost my beloved Frank.And noone where I am knows.Very few people knew me here.There are certain places that I go to everyday..but noone knows me.Today is April 19th,2009.It is Sunday and do you know something funny? Frank died on a Sunday.But today i went to downtown seattle and i was in a store.I always got to stores everyday because everyday there is something new in this house.I felt a tap on my shoulder.It was a homeless person who knows me from the Salvation Army bell ringing.He asked how Frank was.(I am surprized that he didnt forget).In the middle of the store,tears started to stream done my face.Then I blurted out "Frankie died." Everyone stared at me.My tears will streaming down my face.A police officer came over and asked me what was the matter.I told him about Frank and he asked me if this man was bothering me..I told him no because I work for the salvation army and he came to the kettle.But my tears couldnt contain myself and the salesgirl came over..."Would you like me to go get your some water?" I said yes and i was given a chair.This was the first time that Franks death has overwhelmed.The homeless man said"Vader.I am so sorry.I didnt know.All we know is that we
see you walking everyday.We didnt know that Frank was sick." Then he gave me two dollars and said"Here is something for you.Go get yourself coffee after you feel a little better.But Vader...it has been 5 years...now it is the acceptance.you have to accept the fact that Frank is passed away.You cant live in a fantasy world..you are waiting for him to call you..Vader.....YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG." How does one be strong? What does it mean? What is this strength that these newspaper people write about? Is it a characteritic I would like to know..How does one acquire it? And how can I accept Franks death? What can I do? I havent sang in 5 years.I cant afford it.I had to drop out of the choir.The choir is taking dues at 40.00 a month and I cant even afford this.Seattle has gotten to be expensive.But at this stage..I dont care because here in seattle...I have beaten Mental Illness.I am on the process of getting well.And I feel so much better then I did when I was 14.I dont have any more fear.I dont have nightmares anymore.And i havent dreamt of bears.The only thing now that I have is that I am afraid to take a shower.In 1960...at the age of 12...Gina and me snuck into the movie theater to see"Psycho." And that shower scene was just too much for me.I take baths..not showers...I am very clean..I bathe every day and such.I wash my clothes everyday.but I am scared of the shower.After seeing "Psycho" wouldnt anyone be afraid? Does anyone else have a fear of water?