I am so sorry for your loss. So many of us drudge our way through our workdays living for retirement which many times is the dream that never comes true. Very tragic. I am sorry that happened to him.

HazyBo, your story sounds so similar to mine. My dad passed away one year ago. He was 53. I think I cry more now than when it first happened . It still doesn't feel completely real. It doesn't really get better in time because that person is gone forever. I don't think people realize that when you lose someone that close to you it creates a void.
Now that it's been a year people think I should be picking up the pieces and going back to "normal". But things will never be normal again. Everyone can see that I'm not the same as I used to be. That's because a part of me is missing and I'll never get it back.
I'm sorry that you lost your dad so soon. Dads are special people.

I related to every single word you just said. Just replace "dad" with "sister" and this is me down to a T. No, it does not get easier. In fact, it gets harder. With time it only gives the illusion that things are getting better. I also wake up thinking about my sister and she is the last thing on my mind at night. I can't concentrate. I want to tell people that if they could only see into my mind and see how I am screaming at in misery and rage at the top of my lungs inside my head, that I hate this life and that I"m crying on the inside. They would see just how much I suffer everyday.

My sister was only in her 40's. She didn't get the chance to do much of anything. I hate this unfair life. I just bought a car and all we wanted was to roll around town and enjoy shopping together and finally enjoying the freedom of a car, but we didn't get that chance. When you lose something so close, so precious to you, all you can think of is how that thing is gone.

It's like living in a house without a roof. Over the years you don't get used to not having a roof. It's constantly on your mind. I can't turn my mind off, I can't stop thinking about she is gone forever.

Thank you for your comments I'm sorry about your dad foreverain and your sister hollowheart. It is truly awful. Right now I have so so much shit going on I can't see light at the end of the tunnel. I just know my dad would have all the answers. He had an answer for everything. It gets hard when you see other families out to with their dad's etc... I just think that should be us! My mum doesn't deserve to be a widower at her age! It is so wrong. The house is so empty without him. My mind just goes into overdrive. I get that some days too I just can't concentrate. Or I'll play everything back in my head. From the phone call my mum telling me to get to the hospital that my dad had taken a massive seizure. To the doctor telling us we need to get close family asap... And from there I felt completely numb. How could this be my dad. He walked into the hospital 2 hours before he died! 2 hours!!! Why!!! Why could life be so cruel. He is was the kindest man ever to anyone and everyone. I just can't get my head around it!!

I am so very sorry that this anniversary is getting to you. I have 3 such anniversaries coming up in August, one of which is the first anniversary of my dad's death. So I'm a few months behind you.

I think that we need to let go, but not forget.

Allow the hole in our hearts to be filled in with the presence of others. It may be current F&F (family and friends) who take on more roles, or it may be new people to our lives.

It may even be us filling part of that hole.

Gentle hugs

Losing a parent I think would never be easy. I lost my dad 10 years ago. I was 15. I thought I was ok, til the funeral. Then I crumbled and as I've got older, I miss him more. probably because I have more responsibilities now. And a little boy. But you have to stay positive. It happens and it's sh*t as hell! I hate that saying, people have said it to be 'everyone has to die' - yeah but not before their time! I hate it. It makes me angry that my Dad isn't here. I crave just the sound of his voice, never mind a hug! But the longer it goes on it does get more bearable and easier. Hope you find your peace xx

So sorry for your loss. We are in the same boat. My stepdads 1st anniversary is at the end of this month. He was 61. Died of cancer. Some days are better than others but I still cry like he just passed yesterday. I thought I would've had more time with him.

If u ever need to talk I'm here. *hugs*

It's horrible. I just keep thinking this time last year he was still here. And I think about everything he should be doing like getting his retirement. Just feel like his life has been stolen from us too. It's just not fair at all :-(