Hello. I think that guilt has a "mean streak" and keeps jumping up in our faces when we least expect it. And a sudden death where people didn't get to say goodbye leaves us survivors with a lot of guilt. I didn't get to say goodbye to my husband who died suddenly at work, and there is so much more I would have wanted to say. Of course it's depressing. I think online groups like this help us keep it in perspective, and you might see if you can find an in-person bereavement group, especially one that is oriented towards younger adults. And of course, your doctor might prescribe some short term antidepressants to get you over this hump.

Best wishes,
Alice

I have read thousands of anecdotal accounts of near death experiences and actual death experiences (from the point of view of relatives). It appears to me that people often CAN and DO "choose" the time to go to God. Perhaps your father did that to spare you, and other members of your family, the grief of watching him die.

You were on your way to see him. There is no guilt, no blame. How can anyone reasonably have expected you to predict the hour and moment of his death? You can still talk to him, he hasn't disappeared in a puff of smoke, the soul is a real thing. He knows you were on your way, he knows you love him.

Guilt and self blame appears to be a normal experience for those who lost loved ones, even though (normally) neither are true. The depression is something you need to address. I suggest you find a certified grief counselor who can help you come to terms with these normal negative feelings you have and perhaps your primary care physician can prescribe an anti-depressant (stay away from ALL SSRIs if you are under age 25). When you lose a parent, you lose a part of yourself and a part of your past. You are also that much "closer" but not at your young age.

You can, you will, overcome this.

Speaking for myself, if I get depressed and overwhelmed it is because I feel powerless to do anything about my problems so I turn to the one who can do something. I pray and my faith makes my pain manageable. I can deal with pain as long as it is manageable,

I agree, when the pain, physical and/or emotional pain of this life becomes too great, we then focus on the "alternative", the love and peace of The One who can restore us, either in this life or the next, God.

The beauty is: We don't have to DIE, permanently leave our bodies, to achieve this perfect love and peace, to merge with the Creator. We can achieve this every night when we go to sleep!

Tonight, when you're wracked by guilt, focus on the one who is all-knowing, all-understanding and all-forgiving. Talk to him, with all your mental and emotional might. Ask him if maybe he could bless you with a communion with your father, who still loves you and of course forgives you for not being there when he passed, in a dream. Wish for the warm embrace of your father in a dream, and sooner or later, it will be so, and you'll find peace!

Hi there. I'm new to 'grief' as well (lost my father 7 months ago), and am struggling to understand the process myself. Have tried to immerse myself with professional supports and research/literature into grief - all in a (failing) attempt to make some sense of all of this. But there is no sense, no logic, no rationale explanation. And perhaps that's where we struggle? It doesn't make sense. If we had had that one last time, one last visit - and we knew it would be the last - so much we would have said. And there's nothing that can be done now. All of this to say - I think that guilt is a normal part of the process of grieving. (speaking from my limited experience, rather than relying on the 'research'). Unfortunately, I also know that the depression is part of the process. Have never felt so low, so alone in my life. Like a tidal wave of misery is there, day and night. But, in reaching out, in talking, in sharing, I have found some comfort. Just knowing that, unfortunately, others can relate provides a sense that I am not alone, that what I'm feeling is 'normal'. So, not so much on the 'advice' front - more on the 'know that you're being thought of, and cared about' front. Know that, Cassandra.

People deal with illness differently. Your dad knew you loved him. He knew you. You loved your dad. Be at peace with that. When someone dies, we all have regrets. I too, wish I could have been there for my husband 24/7 during his illness. One thing I knew after he passed, is that he knew I loved him. As for depression, I know of the dark place.
I too battle depression. It waxes and wanes. It cycles. You are in the dark cycle. Hang in there, do not beat yourself up. Make a list of happy memories with your dad. Focus on that, remember that. Hang in there!