Welcome to the group. I am sorry for your loss. I grew up with a sick mother all my life and she passed also. I know it's not her fault when she was sick and she couldn't help it. She didn't want this and she didn't ask for it either. My heart goes out to you, hugs

So sorry for the loss of your Dad........glad you found this group. The members here are incredible. My advice for you would be to look for a support group in your area. I think you need to be in contact with people that are on the same journey. Check out the churches and hospitals in your area. Stay on this site......read and write whenever you feel you're up to it. Sometimes I just come on and read. You are not alone. There are two important lessons that I've learned on here:
when your sorrow hits ( tears that can flood a room) let it happen. Do not hold back. You must go through it. Don't avoid it. It's healthy and tears do help you heal. ...... And you CANNOT rush this process. It takes as long as it takes. We're all different.
I am almost at 4 months and I can tell you that I am much better than the first month. I still have some really crappy moments/days but I accept them all as part of the process. They exhaust me.....but I do get through them.
If you read.....read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven. It has changed me and I KNOW that I will see my husband again, no matter what's my I future is here on earth. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Look for a certified grief counselor (or two, or three, until you find a good match). Everything you are feeling is normal. The death of a parent is a HUGE thing, huge. You can, and you will, make it through this. But it's far better to do it and gain knowledge and power for your future life than to suffer alone.

So sorry for the loss of your father . Hugs

Thank you all for your advice and condolences. I am glad to have found such an understanding place to post.
Rosy, it is a comfort to hear from other people who have had ill parents. The disease is not what took my father, but it played a large role in his life.
I am typically very private and I'm not sure that reaching out to a grief counselor or group in person is the right road for me. But I know I need to find a way to let this out.

I'm new to the group also, but my mother passed away almost 2 years ago. She had cancer, so we were glad she didn't have to suffer anymore, but devastated because we thought we still had at least a year with her. It has been hard for me, too. She was my person to talk to and I took care of her, so it was just hard. And I have been sad, lonely, depressed, broken over it. When I was at your stage in this, I coped by just doing what needed to be done, some of it I can't even remember, but I needed to be helping out I guess so my mind could rest. So I just baked and cleaned and organized and took care of things that had to be done. I loved feeling absolutely physically exhausted at the end of the day. I guess what I'm saying is do whatever you need to do to get through this really hard part. It really does start to ease up some later on. My prayers and thoughts will be with you!

I am so very sorry 4 your loss, my children are going through the same as you it has been six months since the loss of my wonderful husband of 28 yrs., and they to for the most part try not to think about it, almost as if it did not happen, I know that this is not the way to handle it that is why I joined this group to see if there is a better way to cope, I know exactly how you feel, A broken heart, tears that will not stop, crying ourself to sleep, feeling like that will never change. I truly hope you find peace and time helps heal some of the hurt, BIG HUGS>> and GOD bless.....

As others have said, bottling up your feelings is not a good things. I understand the anxiety and depression on a daily basis, I hope you have medicine that your doctor has prescribed for you to aid you with these issues. I had both of my parents in my house through hospice and death. Yes, there is a great deal of sorrow when they passed, but (as others have said), I was glad that the lingering pain for them was over. I am sorry you are receiving no emotional help from your husband or friends/family. You need it and I very much understand your comment about not wanting to talk openly with people in your town about how you feel. This is a safe place, I do have a support group in my town, but this is good as it brings us all together from many different walks of life. Stick with DS, ask your questions, take some advice, try to grieve (no bottling up), there will be progress. Give it a go, we're here. Vicki

I am so sorry for your loss, even if someone is sick it is still very difficult to process. I lost my grandpa in 2006 and my dad 6 weeks later. I also lost my little sister (she was 37 at the time) 3 years ago to cancer, That is what prompted me to go back to school and I am happy to say that I am almost done with my master's degree in counseling to be a grief, trauma, and crisis counselor. One avenue that helped me in the beginning was a program called GriefShare (www.griefshare.org). I attended it while in GA to help our other sister out with her grief as they both lived in the same area and then started it at my church when I got back to WI. It is a 13 week process that is faith based (if you are faith oriented it really helps explain how God fits into the larger picture of grief) and it really normalizes a lot of feelings as well as gives you an opportunity to get support from others who are struggling. One technique I might recommend is to journal but I do not mean sit and pour out your feelings because you should, but just write down what you would like to say to the people who are not supporting you or who you cannot talk to and would like to. It gives you a chance to write without fear of "saying the wrong thing" (which is never wrong!) and can read it several times if you want and change it to what you really want to say and then give it to them if the time presents itself. Sometimes people have the best intentions in how they interact with you but the truth is, people just do not know what to say so they either do not say anything or say cliche's or other things that are not very helpful.

This is a wonderful start and I commend you for reaching out! I have seen in my volunteer work through facilitating GriefShare that the sooner you establish healthy support resources the easier it is to navigate the pain. Your wound is still so fresh and, unfortunately, no one can take away that pain. We can only be there to help you talk and cry through it. I hope it is some comfort that you WILL find a "new normal" in some time. Time doesn't really make it go away but it can help lessen the "sting" a little.

I am new to the group and was prompted to join some sort of online support group that was of interest to me for my Group Counseling class but bereavement work is my passion and now that I am here I would like to stay.

I am sending warm thoughts that you can find some comfort as time goes on. Just remember, you are not alone... no matter how much it may feel like it.

If you need anything please let me know and I will try to get you as much information or resources as I can.

~Mary