Its been 9 weeks on Thursday that my momma passed away April 1st 2009 just 3 months shy of her 54th B-day, I'm still in shock everyday and think about her so much, My life is different now, I feel that a part of my heart and personality has died. I find myself pushing myself to get through each day in honor of my mom and to take care of my 2 beautiful little girls and their mom. My wife was supportive for the first 1-2 weeks but changed almost instantaneous and told me some really harsh things in regards to my mom, that has been very hard to get past. I miss my mom so much that I can literally feel my heart aching inside alot, we were very.... close and I cant imagine my life without her. Having to wait till I see her in heaven is almost unbearable but I'm trying... I know people say '' It's still fresh, you will get over it...'' etc etc... But I really don't think I will, me and my mom had a unique relationship she was a huge part of my life and I failed her by not saving her and so did the medics. At least that's how I feel in my heart and mind I couldn't have asked God for a more amazing mom. Just thinking about her being gone to heaven so early and not being her is unimaginable. The fact that I'm being forced to accept it is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. I don't think I'll ever get over it ever... and the fact that I feel some people around me have not let me try to deal with my great sadness and loss is very very hard... It's seems like the ones that haven't lost their parents or many loved ones try and tell me the most input... and its hard to deal with. Cause without sounding harsh.. they really cant understand completely unless they have lost their parent.. But I try and look past that. I guess all I can say is I push myself to go day by day... and it's doing ok so far although I'm having a really hard time. I just want my mom back.. Prayer helps me the most and talking it out at times helps too. Its nice to see people on here actually understand and care how we all feel. I'll be praying for everyone to be strong. I'm so sorry for all your losses.

~Luke (Momma's Boy)~

I'm so sorry you lost your dad so young like myself, Antaresmom. Trust me I know how you feel for the most part. And I too have issues with my marriage after just 4 years, part of it being because of things said about my mom... So don't feel alone =/

If you need to talk I'm around

I posted before this but forgot to add this quote. Sorry.

Take Care.

Luke~~~

Thanks Luke for understanding,I am deeply sorry to hear of the passing of your mom...I know exactly what your saying in terms of people saying,oh don't worry it will pass in time,well luke i gotta tell ya it doesn't, the feeling of loss is always there,somedays you bring it to the forefront,somedays you don't....With my dad it was quick he was diagnosed with Cancer(mind you i hate that word) at Easter,and passed away 1 day after his 60th birthday 8 weeks total......I was living in an in-law apartment above his house with my Fiance.....so when i heard dad roaming around the house early in the morning i would go and sit and talk with him,towards the end he started not knowing who me or my sister were....that was hard,my parents had divorced when I was 5,and dad didn't come back into my life till i was 11.......and now i am babbling,there is more to this but work is calling......Please know this Luke,Your mom eventho she is gone at such a tender age,is still and always will watch over you and her grandchildren,she is in gods hands,and I always say God calls his children home for a reason.......we may get mad at god for this for awhile, and thats ok cuz like the Footprints poem goes,when there is only 1 set of footprints that was the time he carried us.......Thoughts and Prayers are being sent to you.....Please Take Care and Keep in touch,always here to listen........Faye( aka- Antaresmom)

my name is vader.I am 62 years old.On November 1st ,1987 my sainted father died.He was 71.He died in my arms.I will never forget him and soon it will be 23 years.He was the best father anyone could have.My dad taught me how to be alone and how to like it.I am alone now since the death of Brad and i am struggling.but I wonder if I would be with Brad if my father was living.Daddy was always a good judge of character.He wouldnt have liked Brad..but I was over 18 and he could not interfere.I wish he was alive and did.These past 12 years of sober...non sober and drugs have been nothing but a roller coaster.And Brad was always moody.He did not like change and now I am paying 1100 a month for the house and I cant get a roommate.I am seeing about another job Friday.Lets pray that I get something.This waiting is killing me and I am being discrimated against because of my age.I am not skilled.I have not mostly retail.But the jobs I used to do are gone.The file clerks jobs are gone.The Word Processor jobs are gone.And some retail is gone.Clerks are vanishing all because of the computer.My father told me to sharpen my skills in 1987.He predicted that I would have a healthy and long life.Iwish I had listened to him.But I am too old to go back to college and get my degree.I miss my dad.Nooman will even hold a candle to him.I am daddys little girl.vader at 62.

Hello Vader and thanks for your reply,I am sorry to hear of your dad passing as well,Its not easy,as i said before in previous post,I reconnected with my dad when i was 11,after my mom divorced him because he was an alcoholic,and abusive to her not me and my sister tho....my mom god bless her is still living,and after awhile,after me and my sister reconnected with dad,mom did come around,they had issues even i dont know about to this day.......but sometimes children dont need to know everything,and mom is happily remarried to my step dad for the past 18 yrs,as i will be come july........marriage is tough period. I believe we have our good days as well as our bad,my dad was married 3 times after he was divorced,and trust me when i say it was not easy marriages......Which makes me wonder if he had been there on my wedding day,sitting in the limo waiting to go in the church,if he would have asked if i was ready,dad liked everyone and had opinions about me and my sisters boyfriends,as dads do,but kept the opinions to himself,all he wanted was for me to be happy in life,which is why i think he would have asked are you ready......to this day 18 yrs later I still dont have a solid answer to that question.
Best of luck with the job search....Keep in touch and Take Care....Faye(aka...antaresmom)

Hello,
I understand what you're going through. I lost my dad almost 8 months ago now to colon cancer...he was 44. He abandoned me when I was born, as he was only 18, than he got sick and left me again without saying goodbye :(. I never had the chance. I talked to him through out my childhood/teen years, but it was never what I wanted it to be. When I found out he had that type of cancer they said it was treatable, and that he'd make it because of his age. But, within the summer of 2009 it progressed rapidly. In the course of a short summer, he died. It was suddenly.
I miss him, even though he wasn't the greatest dad. I cry and ask why, but there'll never be answers.
I was abandoned by my mother too, but she never gave a s**t about me. Never was in my life. So now I have no one.
The grief is hard, I couldn't even attend the funeral. There was unresolved issues between us, and I was too late to fix it, even though
I had a chance. I guess things happen that way sometimes.
You may get on with life, but it'll a sad memory no matter how long ago it was.

Hello Imperfect,So very sorry to hear of the loss of your dad......Cancer in any form is such an ugly word,many friends and relatives of mine have passed from this terrible disease...........I know some forms are treatable,but I believe that once you hear the word cancer,then your psychy takes over,and it all depends on how much suffering you are willing to endure.....I applaud the people that are able to beat it,however I also applaud the people such as my dad who try very hard to fight it as well,he fought a good fight i know,but his body was weak from previous obstacles over the course of his life.....I know he was called home for a reason I just miss him.