I have one grandmother left, out of all my grandparents on both sides of my familys. My mothers parents died before my 15th birthday, they lived 45 minutes away and the visits became less frequent after my grandma passed in 08'. The death of my mothers parents really broke her. She became more distant from her family and more angry towards my dad. I was really close with my grandfather Jim, on my moms side, he was such a sweet and very smart old man. Any time we would visit we would be reading a book while smoking. When we would watch tv, his favorite shows that i remember were bar rescue, undercover boss, and dirty jobs. One of my favorite things as a child was to sort his coin jar. I would pour our at least half of his massive coin jar and sort all the coins into piles, while searching for weat pennies and any quarters we accedentally threw in there. I always thought it was funny my grandad jim would hold on to his quarters. He would buy his packs of smokes with the saved up quarters. He would always call us grandchildren his little shits or squirt. giving us knuckle bumbs with his hard wrinkly knuckles. we'd always get the biggest hugs and smacks on out tails out of his own fun. Christmas at my mothers parents house was always beautiful. Their dining room was full of beautiful blue glass and windows the whole way around. I miss how togther the family used to be during the holidays its a really deep pain down inside full of lonelyness and feeling as if it was somehow my fault that my family is so broken now. I truely hate lossing people i love, familys fall apart so quick when someone important passes. 

That brings me to my dads side where my grandfather passed Jan 17, 2017. At 3m everyone was at my grandmas house all gathered around full of sorrow and pain. He laid up in his hospital bed so small and pale. I never thought id lose my grandfather, when i was a child he was my best friend. we would spend all the time in the day together. He had a huge white house and surrounding the house he filled the land with gardens. All the fruit and veggies that he could grow. we would spend time together watering the plants as he would teach me about how long some plants took to ripen. We would pick strawberries and eat them together. Grandma would always cook the best meals and she would let me watch Dora on the Tv. Something im extremely grateful for now that i look back. My grandfather spoiled the family multiple times a year taking us on vacation. Every Feb we would go to Florida, some summers we would go to the beach, one year we took a cross country trip all thw way from my home state Virginia to California. I was only 8 but it was a really nice trip with the family. Also every thanksgiving we would go to myrtle beach. It hurts this time of year with my parents being split up and my grandmother in a truley rough state, it feels like my family has never been more broken. Something that cuts deep with my grandmother, is that since i was 15 when one of my cousins got married she decorated the wedding with her floral designs and bows. She told me when i was 15 "well Jenna I would love to decorate your wedding, but I hope i just make it to it" To be given a reality check that none of my grandparents would be coming to my wedding absoluelty broke my heart. Now with the hoildays here and everyone is just so full of spite and hate, the holidays just feel like a terrible reminded of how broken my family is and how nothing will ever be the same. I deeply miss all of the times my family would take me swimming at the pools, play card games, and just spend time together. I loved the warm served popcorn my paw paw would make us. It hurts that "paw paw" is becoming a forein word to me. I really miss my family and I hate how broken everything feels this time of year. 

Sorry for all the spelling errors I can't spell worth a shit and this site does not provide a well needed spell check. So bare with me while i cried thought typing this and didn't care enough to fix all the messed up stuff