I guess it's quite pertinent writing this on NYE's eve. I joined this group a few days ago. I have come to a point in my life where I need to accept myself. I'm not religious, I would consider myself spiritually minded, meaning I view God as an all encompassing energy in the scientific sense. It recently dawned on me that perhaps we are all perfect souls in imperfect human bodies. Coming across this site has been a real turning point for me, thank you everyone.

Now that the airy fairy is out of the way, here is my story. 

My bed wetting mainly became an issue for me when I was around age 10. I was born in Lagos in the 80s. There had been a military coup in 1985 and my school was stormed by the army around that period. My family moved to London when I was 8. The bed wetting was an issue but my mum was great and very supportive. I had gone to the Dr and he had recommended a nasal spray but I don't remeber what it was called. It worked for a little while but then I would wake up wet every now and then. However, when I was 10 my mum when back to Nigeria and I started living with my sister. She's 9 years older than me. She was not as supportive unfortunately, and I was regularly beaten as well as verbally abused. Not just for the bedwetting either. So I developed a VERY DEEP sense of shame and guilt and embarassment whenever an accident would occur, which was very frequent. I stopped telling her when it would happen around the age of 11 or 12, and I would just hide it as best I could. I would even try to iron the mattress dry at like 3am, just so I wouldn't get shouted at or hit, or told there's something wrong me, how do i expect to make friends, what girl would want to be with a guy who wets the bed etc.

When I was 20 I went to uni in a different city. Despite the accidents I felt I couldn't stay there. But the feeling of shame and the habit of trying to hide it stayed with me. I simply always hoped it was something I would eventually grow out of. I have had so many different jobs and lived in so many different places, and intimate relationships have been few and far between, this has been such a bane of my life. Especially not knowing the cause, I really feel for you if are having bladder issues and currently don't know the cause. It really is a nightmare but hang in there, as the years passed and the wet nights continued, I knew I had to overcome my negative feelings and do something. I happened to move to an area this year that has a very established urology experts. My new Dr suggested over active bladder and prescribed Detusitol. Which didn't work. I then had various bladder tests and scans, cameras up you know where (the front not the back lol) etc.

Well it is official, I have OAB which has been causing Nocturnal Eneurosis. How I wish I had received this news earlier. Although I sometimes think if I'd had some love and support during that period I was entering into puberty, I may have been able to deal with it better, earlier. My sis not the only sibling i have but I'm the youngest. But we haven't been the kind of family that regularly talk and open up to each other. We're all trying to overcome our own challenges, including her. I recently ordered a sample adult diaper. I haven't actually tried it yet. I think being a proud African man, having an 'embarrassing' medical condition and the fact I was abused by a woman, has really put a dent in my self esteem. If you met me, you probably wouldn't guess that's how I feel on the inside. I have masked it as best as I could, though i'm sure there are times when someone can see straight through my pretense. 

Ultimately, we are on the cusp of a new year but every day is literally a new day. No one can change the past so leave it where it belongs. The only thing you ever need to take from the past is lessons for your future. I have only made one step. i have joined this group. I made another step. I liked and commented on some posts. I made another step. I have shared my story. As best I could without giving too many explicit details about my life, but enough so I feel like I have given you a good understanding of my personal experience. I'm not sure how many black males would feel able to open up about such a personal situation, but I'm sure I'm not the only one of my particular demographic who has been suffering in silence. As we head into a new year, whether you are male or female, black or white, old or young, I salute you. We are all in the same boat regardless of our context. Thank you all for helping me end this year in a positive way. 

One Love