I can imagine being 95% Domme that it would be very difficult getting into a submissive mindset especially with someone you don't feel a connection with. Maybe that's why the guy you're close to can trigger the bit of sub you have in you, you have some connection with him.

On the very rare occasion (about twice a year) when Master tells me to dominate him in the bedroom, it's extremely hard for me, I just can't wrap my head around it. I have to psyche myself up for it and that can take hours to a few days for me to get into that mindset but even then, I don't see it as me dominating Him at all, I see it as being submissive and following His commands. He sees it as me following His orders also and Him pushing my limits, pushing me out of my comfort zone and giving me a challenge He knows is very difficult for me to do. Dominating Him outside of the bedroom, that'll never happen. I wouldn't be able to do it which He would not ever want but if by some bizarre chance He did, I just couldn't do it.

I'm all submissive but I don't play with other Doms and I always needed to know and fully trust a Dom before I would submit. I never on-line role played with just any Dom, I don't see anything wrong with it, it's just not my thing. Like cyber sexing, I never got anything out of it except frustration, I wanted the real deal but only with someone I fully trust.

The only thing I could suggest to get you in the sub mindset is try to psyche yourself up, maybe read some blogs written by subs, try to get in their head by reading about their life as a sub and imagine yourself in that position. When all is said and done, I feel who we are is who we are and we can't force ourselves to be something we're just not wired for.

Thank you for the reply Leather. I appreciate your insight on the matter. Also, after re-reading through my post I apologize for it being redundant in places x.x

Your point about trying to psyche myself up is a good idea. Maybe by reading things written from submissive perspectives it will help me slip into the mindset better.

Unfortunately it will be very hard for me to practice the lifestyle IRL. I recently relocated for a new job that requires me to maintain a certain public image, so I am unable to participate in the lifestyle via going to clubs or kink hangouts. This is a big reason why I am venting my urges through online mediums that have complete anonymity, because I don't have to worry about being exposed.

A site I really enjoy is "For the Love of a Sub" . There are stories, fiction and non-fiction and a fantastic photo gallery. Check it out, maybe it will help you get into the submissive mindset. http://fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com/

For the longest time I considered myself a switch, always believed that I could never fully submit to anyone, because of my past. I had no problem being the domme in the relationship, because I always felt that I was better at taking the lead, and not giving someone that power, but I would say within the last six months or so, I have been able to embrace my submissive side, it took a LOT of worse, my previous mistress really unlocked the chains on the box that I kept the submissive side of me locked up. Now I consider myself to be submissive like 85% of the time, and than domme, For me, it just took the right person.

Leather: I will definitely have to check that out. Thanks for sharing that link with me. Maybe others in the group will benefit from it as well. ^^

ArielAngel: I actually went through a very similar situation to yours, only it was many years ago. I was with my Mistress (the only person who has physically collared me) and I was able to explore my submissive side to levels I never knew existed. She and I remained friends after our romantic and kink dynamic ended, but she's the only person to fully draw out that 'true' submissive side of my personality. Sadly, she passed away at the end of October.

Even though we were not together, I do feel that I've lost part of myself permanently. I learned so much from her and experienced so much, it's something I've never been able to grasp with another. I will admit that there is a art of me that fears I'll never be able to experience it again. In a lot of ways, we were like two perfect halves that fit together when it came to our kink and sexual compatibility. I've never had anything like it with my other partners. I do feel that there is potential with my male friend, but due to IRL circumstances nothing can be pursued.

Regardless though, I wish I could explore my submissive side more even if it's just in a private setting with myself. I was with an abusive person in the past, so I have a VERY hard time allowing someone to take control of me because I immediately begin to go into my fear mindset. I've always been good at taking the lead though, and tend to be really proactive in that regard, but I'm very tired of having to do it in every relationship I seem to have. This irritation is also building toward my desire to be submissive because I want to let go of controlling everything, but then my issues from the abuse flare up and resist it.

I feel like it's a never ending cycle of back and forth warfare in my mind.

My wife is very submissive to me but is totally vanilla sexuality wise. She can actually spank me since I asked her to and it works well. I tend to lead in the bedroom but sexually some people would say I am the sub and she the dom which is not true, so there are not set boxes to put people in.

Hmmmm, you and I seem to have the same problem, I am reading some things online from a site called "submissive guide.com", so far it has been helpful in better understanding my duties, wants, and needs as a sub, but also has training guides with actual activities to help you in all aspects of being sub. You might just want to take a look and see if could help you. Best wishes.

Oops! submissiveguide.com