Whether or not it's harmful to you only you can answer, I think it depends on what effect it has on you. How do you feel afterwards, do you feel good physically and emotionally? Do you feel bad afterwards, does it bring back bad memories or flashbacks, does it bring you emotional turmoil?

I'm a BDSM'er but my need and pleasure of BDSM activities has nothing to do with my rape. I was into BDSM long before my rape occurred. There have been a few occasions where I would go into a flashback of my rape during a scene but my Dom will end the scene immediately when it happens and tend to me.

If you're in therapy, I would definitely talk to your therapist about it.

During the scene, it's just amazingly hot and erotic and all my senses are alive. Afterward it's a mixture of things. Yes, it brings back flashbacks. But in a way I enjoy the flashbacks. On some level anyway. I also feel some confusion and guilt.

If you're feeling confusion and guilt, that's something to talk to your therapist about. I would also talk to your therapist about on some level enjoying the flashbacks.

Flashbacks are not something I enjoy at all and will do everything in my power to prevent them as will my Dom. If he sees the slightest sign that my mind might be going off into bad memories or a flashback, he will end the scene immediately. At times I'm having a rough day with my anxiety being sky high or I've had nightmares of my rape or my PTSD is at a high level, he won't allow any scene playing, he'll only allow "vanilla" sex. I find flashbacks terrifying, they're very painful emotionally to me, they send me into a tailspin and they cause all the other PTSD symptoms to flare up again.

Leatherandlace, my Dom does the same thing. He is also helping me with my childhood abuse by setting controlled scenes mimicking past abuse. It has helped me quite a bit. I would only recommend doing something like that if you know , like you stated above, your Dom knows you deep enough to recognize if you are in trouble mentally and can stop the scene. I am one who does believe bdsm can be therapeutic. It is nice to actually be able to talk to another sub, I have never been able to do that. Thank you.

To answer your question george, yes this too happens to me. It's weird for me though...sometimes I am so excited I can't get enough but other times I am so disgusted my skin feels like its crawling. I think it just depends on what alter is in charge.

I just blogged about my rape and was amazed at the feelings that came to the surface. My now ex Dom was always very concerned about my rape which shocked me because no othr man ever was and I had stopped thinking about it.
But since it was in the news so much lately with politicians being so stupid about it, I decided to blog about it and the response and support was overwhelming and it made me very emotional. And my exDom stepped right up and supported me that day.

My heart goes out to other victims of abuse. I consider what happened to me light, but the confused child didn't.
I have since dedicated my life to seeing that other young people have the training to see that they never have to suffer abuse or rape. I am pretty good at it, and my students are the last anyone would want to mess with. Needless to say, I have very little Christian charity for the abusers or rapists, but I am helping victims and potential victims one person at a time to learn how to defend themselves.