Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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jordanc 08/17/2007

I've been helping my wife through a difficult situation. She has a group of friends, and one of the girls quit talking to them all for a few months. Well, she has starting calling them all again, except for my wife. This all happened around the time Harrison was "officially" diagnosed with Autism. Recently my wife heard, in a round-about way, that the reason this "friend" of hers is talking to everybody except her is because (and she said this) "I just don't think I can deal being with somebody who has a special needs child." This is about the most judgmental thing I've ever heard, and I want to be there to give my wife good advice, but this one has me stumped. How should I address this (keeping a female perspective in mind) with both my wife and her now ex-friend. It really has me angry, and I want to say things to her former friend, but I don't want to ruin any last chances for reconciliation. Any advice?????

deleted_user 08/17/2007

Ignore her. If this friend is that shallow, she isnt a friend. Actually, shes probably just having a hard time dealing with the idea of dealing with a special needs child, even 2nd hand, and will come around after a while.

If I had a friend like that I would reclassify her as an acquaintance.

deleted_user 08/17/2007

i sure hate to say this but here goes: what a selfish, self-centered, sorry, lowdown, waste of human flesh she is! how dare her base her friendship on if your child is special needs or not. personally, i would not have another word to say to her. let her go, you and your family have a long hard road ahead of you and you certainly do not need that kind of negative attitude along for the ride. there are many, many people out there that you will find that have no opinion what so ever if your child is special needs and would never, ever base the friendship on in. i am sorry i am so harsh but it is how i feel.

deleted_user 08/17/2007

yeah.. speak for your child.
never a second thought about reconciliation.

deleted_user 08/18/2007

She is better off without her. Tell your wife that this woman was never a true friend.
Some people are just not worth the worry. It sounds mean, but it is true.
TRUE friends are there for you no matter what. Some are just passer-bys. Pass this one by.
SusanNC
Been there and done that.

deleted_user 08/18/2007

it doesn't sound mean compaired to what she is doing. not at all.
it sound right,
HUGs

deleted_user 08/21/2007

A real friend is supposed to be there in a time of need or support. That person is really shallow. Remember what goes around comes around. She'll never know when she could use a really good friend.

deleted_user 08/22/2007

my 8 year old ASD son was "dropped" by his only friend when his mum realised that he had special needs and she wanted him to be with "normal" children.
This kind of behaviour says lots about your wife's friend and nothing about you folks.
My advice would be focus on people in your life that have compassion and understanding. This person may become enlightened, but I can't help doubting it.

deleted_user 08/22/2007

I can totally understand how it feels to watch your friends disappear. I became a mother younger than most and am still the only of my former friends to be one, so when I no longer fit in and wasn't able to run around and do whatever at the drop of a hair, I stopped hearing from most everyone. I can tell you that if I were your wife, I would be angry and not want someone like that in my life. I would rather watch people walk out of my life than be ashamed of my child. There are better people in this world to surround yourselves with.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Is it possible that this person does not know what to say to your wife about her child? There are many people who do not understand autism. Many people are not comfortable being around handicapped people as well. They don't know what to do, what to say, or how to act. Perhaps she should coast a bit first.

deleted_user 09/12/2007

People who are not educated about special needs children tend to act this way! I don't know if it is pure ignorance or lack of knowledge. Maybe both! I understand your anger. I don't think however that you should address it. Support your wife. If that friend feels uncomfortable that is her problem. Your wife should just ignore it( I know that is hard to do) That friend may come around on her own, if not then it is her lose.

deleted_user 09/13/2007

I don't blame you for being angry. I'd be raving. Still, this woman obviously has some handicap (being a "selfish, self-centered, sorry... etc. is a handicap, after all) and can't deal with any others now. Maybe one day, she'll grow up and become a compassionate, wise and gentle person. Then again, maybe not... Either way, don't waste any more time thinking about her. I wouldn't blame you for saying something to her, but don't seek her out. If you run into her, have your say, but say a little less than you really want to. Give her just enough benefit of the doubt so she has room to change her mind.

deleted_user 09/14/2007

whatever happened with this??

deleted_user 09/14/2007

I would let the X-friend have it if she was a friend at all she would be ther in the time of need and do all she can to help. these kids are no different from any other. these kids are better. Why becuse they are and that is just the way it should be. And wohs to say that the other kids arn't different. They go out and do bad stuff they get into trubble to and most of the time it is worse. owr kids get to be kids and not rushed though there childhood. You guys will find out who your real friends are and you will meet ppl on the way and you will have a new set of friends and they will be life long friends for you and your kids.HUGS to you and your wife. I feel for you. And I know it hurts but you don't need someone that does not care at all.

mimestream 09/15/2007

Sounds like fear on the "friends'" part. You don't want that person for a friend. not really. she can't do anyone any good. Not you, the wife, or child.
Perhaps in her cold and straightforward blunt honesty she's sparing you hurt later on. At least she's saying hey...I won't be there if you need me later.
then again, that saying let her go-if she comes come back great if not oh well. Cut your loss now dont lose sleep over this.

deleted_user 09/15/2007

How sad.

Tell to ignore and forget her. Nor her or your son need that kind of person in their lives.

Friends come and go, your baby's unconditional love will stand by you for life.

I'm living proof that it sometimes ok to be alone and not have any friends. As long as i have my son i have the world.

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