Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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Fiddler 06/29/2008

hello gang,

yes I know, I'm an infrequent flyer here... but I might need some support next week.

day after tomorrow I'm driving out to look in on elderly parents (80 and 88, if they have enough working parts between the two of them for one... and enough hardware to stock a few shelves, bless 'em they're walking medical encyclopedias of stuff that can go wrong and not kill you yet)...

Dad, who we think is Asperger's, has fallen three times last week, twice he couldn't get up. Mom had to call 911 because her disabilities are physical, she couldn't help him other than to give him a pillow while he waited on the floor. Oh lordy the laundry list of things they need someone there to do and the same list again full of reasons why they refuse to allow any one to help them...

so it'll be dishes, and driving, laundry they can't do because neither of them can manage the basement stairs anymore and replacing light bulbs in the ceiling fixtures (yes, it's that old Mom joke about "you go on ahead and have a nice time, we'll just sit here alone in the dark...")

I think I'm going to enlist my sister Janie's (undx'd HFA) help at the laundromat. We'll get in some quality time folding parent's underwear!

I'm only planning to spend a week, the visit will be short enough that it should stay fairly positive, although if Dad is feeling under par he can be really really really childish.

so if I pop back in with an "o lord what do I do with THAT?" - you'll know why!

peace all, and wish me luck,
Brian

Fiddler 06/29/2008

oh, and did I mention? I'm not there more frequently because it's an 11 hour drive...

deleted_user 06/30/2008

Good luck my friend and bless you all.

deleted_user 06/30/2008

It is nice of you to help them out when you can. Not all children are will to do laundry for there parents. Take care and drive safe.

deleted_user 06/30/2008

i know how you feel, i wonder if maybe you should talk to your parents about assisted living, its not a nursing home, but a place where they get help with all that stuff and have their own apartment. just a thought. good luck!

deleted_user 06/30/2008

You're a good son. Stay strong and good luck!

deleted_user 06/30/2008

Good Luck!!!! Hugs Denise / Enjoy the ride home.

deleted_user 06/30/2008

I offer you much support. My mother is 83 and lives just a few minutes from my home. She has 8 other children but none locally so I am the one who makes sure she takes her meds and eats and gets to the store. Also, I think a bit of dementia is taking hold. It's hard but I love her. I can certainly empathize. All you can do is what you are able to. Have you though of Home Health Aids or someone to look in on them more frequently. After my mom's last hospitalization I opted for a visiting nurse, it really was a lot of help. They also have adult day care if that's an option. Good luck to you, you are in my prayers.

deleted_user 06/30/2008

It is hard when roles are reversed and the people who took care of us all our lives needs to be cared for. Know that you are doing a good thing! Good luck...be patient...and tell them often how much you love and appreciate them. It makes it all easier.

sambod 06/30/2008

good luck hun. drive safely. i'll be saying a prayer for you.

deleted_user 06/30/2008

You also could get help from Senior services, Hospice, Meals on Wheels, at least someone would check on them once a day if they brought out a meal to them. I took care of my Father with End Stage COPD in my home for 5 years and he died at home with all his family around him instead of in a cold hospital. I was so lucky to have my Father for 49 years and I miss him so much since his death last year, so dont think of helping them as a chore, but rather time together, do something special while you are there instead of concentrating so much on the chores. I am now taking care of my 83 year old Mom with EndStage COPd and Dementia and I try to do something special or talk with her about her childhood which she does remember to share something special everyday with her, because she will be gone soon also. WE all get busy with the daily chores, but we only have one Mom and Dad and once they are gone, your life is never the same. Good Luck with your visit and I hope you enjoy your visit. jrmom

Fiddler 06/30/2008

thanks all, you are the BEST!!

Trust me, I'm taking notes... the major problem with getting help for them is their willingness to accept it. They're unwilling to fill out any form that asks for financial disclosures, and unfortunately, all the help forms ask for financial disclosures. One year I went so far as to find and pay for a cleaning service to help Mom with the house work, but she wouldn't allow the woman into the house.

It's not the chores that I dread, it's that I want them to be happy and I want them to be safe. I don't know how to help them have both. And how to do that from 550 miles away.

deleted_user 07/01/2008

I don't envy you. You might want to contact a senior center near your parents. There might be people there, who might be able to convince your parents to accept either their help, or the help of a "young" person. Yup, use their contemporaries to give you leverage, because there are probably generational, cultural differences that they'll understand and you won't. Also, if there's a senior health center near your parents, you might be able to ask them for advice.

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