Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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Developmental & Learning Disorders
/ Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Parent on the Spectrum

allgoodman
allgoodman
Does anyone have a parent on the spectrum?

My dad has Aspergers, something I didn't understand until I was in my late 30s and that he and my Mom still don't understand. The lack of emotional connection with him, his general disengagement from relationships, and his trouble communicating with other adults caused me great anguish growing up.

What have your experiences been?
phranque
phranque
Hello AllGoodMan, Though my mother died in '81 ( years before Aspergers Syndrome was ever diagnosed by mainstream Psychologists), thinking back of her behavior, I'm almost certain that's where my Aspergers originated. After leaving my abusive father, she always tried to have her mother or children take care of her. I mean, she refused to "get a life", We all loved my mother, but couldn't live our own lives because of her "cling-on" attitude. She would sit in her room all day (up every morning at 3AM) and write up lists and schedules for herself. Then admire her Star Trek collection, or her Beatles stuff. I tried talking to her several times as I was growing up about life, marriage, careers, etc. I would simply ask a perfectly normal, non-hurtful question during our conversations and she'd burst into tears. Then I'd get yelled at by my sister for upsetting her. I'm sure your upbringing lacked an exchange of vital information about adulthood as did mine. So, I quit trying to learn from her and basically 'raised myself' (that didn't go well LOL)
allgoodman
allgoodman
Phranque,

Thanks for your reply...it sounded familiar to me in many ways, especially this: "I'm sure your upbringing lacked an exchange of vital information about adulthood as did mine. So, I quit trying to learn from her and basically 'raised myself' "

That's how I feel. My parents didn't provide a model for full-fledged, emotionally honest human interaction.

As an adult, were you able to achieve that? If so, how? For me, it was many things, especially pushing very hard to understand myself, express myself, and connect to others. Recreational drugs and meditation helped too.
phranque
phranque
Hey AGM, The end of my original Reply "(that didn't go well LOL)", conceals a decade-long addiction to drugs and alcohol, with all its associated drama and trauma; including a failed marriage. It was after drying out that I was able to take an "inventory" of all of the negative events of my past, and essentially 'put each of them on trial'. Recalling each in my mind, I rendered myself a fair "Guilty" or "Innocent" verdict. This mental exercise took 4 days of 8 hours per day in order to remember EVERYTHING including words exchanged and feelings felt. Since then my mood is completely (naturally) changed from negative to positive. There's still some down moments occasionally, but those quickly vanish. As for relationships and social interactions, as an Aspie, I've always felt more comfortable alone, or with "that someone special". My spiritual life has helped a lot in relieving Stress and Anxiety, though I don't attend Church or anything. My Aspie/Autie behavior patterns are always going to mark me as being 'a little weird' to NT society. So, I learned to just "be myself". Those who accept me as I am, will be "friends indeed".