Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group

Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.

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mommy24inGa 03/19/2015

My 9 year old son has high functioning autism. His main problems he has are sensory issues and social issues, plus severe learning difficulties. He also has been dx with ADHD. He loves having friends and wants everyone to like him, but he is going about it the wrong ways. He plays too rough, hitting and stuff. He says he is just playing and I try to make him understand that hitting is not being nice, but he just doesn't seem to get it. We just moved to this new house and the next door neighbor has a little boy right around his age. I thought it was wonderful because he would have someone to play with and not be on his gaming devices all day long like he usually is. Well I think he is learning some very unacceptable behavior from this little boy. See my son goes to a private school that is geared towards kids with special needs, and this little boy goes to public school and so does my daughter. They ride the same school bus. She says the little boy and other boys his age talk very vulgar and ugly on the school bus. I think he is teaching my son what he is learning. So now my son goes to school and says these things. The administrator called me today and asked me was it possible he has been looking at porn, that's how bad he has been talking. I was horrified. I am not going to allow him to play at that boys house anymore. He has to stay in our yard if he wants to play with him. But anyway my son who just wants to have friends has turned kids away from him because of how he acts. It breaks my heart. His teacher told me that during parent teacher conferences some of the other parents mentioned my son by name as being mean to their child! I was always afraid of my son being bullied by other kids because he is different and because it was happening when he went to public school, and now he is the one who is being the bully! I have tried different types of punishments, we are trying rewards, and next week we have an appointment with a counselor. I have even had him watch videos on how to be a nice friend. I am beyond worried. I don't know what to do to stop these behaviors. I already feel like an outcast and so alone because I am a single mom and no one wants us around because my son is so high strung. When we found this school I was so excited because I finally found parents like me and kids like him who got us. Who understood. It breaks my heart and embarrasses me to know that the other parents are saying they do not want their children around my son because of what he is saying and doing. And the thing is he started doing this because he thought the other kids would like him because he was being funny. Now no one wants to play with him, or they are not allowed to play with him. What can I do???

bestmom4sure 03/20/2015

First off, it's great that your son has a strong desire for friends. His behavior can change, and will change, in order to meet his desire.

Quite honestly, the best thing you can do to help him is to help him see and understand the direct connection between his behavior and the results of that behavior and then help him think through what replacement behavior would get him the desired results. "Did hitting Bobby cause him to like you more or want to stay away?" "How would you feel towards someone who hit you when you didn't want them to?" "What are some other things you could try next time to show others you want to be their friend?"

Then ask him and encourage him to try these new behaviors and keep assessing if they are working better. Patience and practice. Good luck.

mommy24inGa 03/26/2015

Thanks, that is what we have been doing. He got mad at a little girl yesterday because she ran ahead of him to the computer he was walking towards. He pulled her out of the chair and then it was on! His teacher said it was like a street fight! His temper is so bad. On the way home we talked about what he could have done instead.

alone0320 04/29/2015

Hi I have an 11 year that is autistic and he has an easy time making friends but a hard time keeping friends. I have had to make some major changes in the way he can play with others because like your son he can get rough but does not really realize what is going on. So now I have him in social building classes and these classes he is learning about how others feel and how others can misunderstand him... To me this is a big issue because I have spent a lot of time teaching him that others easily misunderstand him because he "thinks differently" and since I have taught him this it is easier for him to understand that others think and feel differently then the way he does. The other thing I have learned when it comes to helping my son keep friends is ALL his social interaction with other kids has to be structured, if it is not then my son just struggles. Yes I know what I am talking about is a lot of work and effort, but my son is doing a lot better.

Sophiasmom06 04/30/2015

my son is 7.5 and has mainly sensory and social issues like yours. he is aggressive physically and tries to be a clown too. he does not seem to be a target for bullies because the other kids are wary of him, and he has attacked other children. but many of them do like him because they find his behavior funny. somehow in a few years I think this may change. his attacks are generally all triggered by sensory issues. If you can tune in a communicate with him about it, you might be able to figure out what triggers him. strong smells, loud noises, and proximity can trigger a person with a sensory problem to feel like they are being attacked. in this scenario, striking out is a logical response. if the school can adapt his environment to limit his triggers, some of the behaviors may be reduced. my son does better after cranial osteopathy treatments. he also has elevated intracranial pressure, and anything that reduces this can reduce his behaviors. people with intracranial hypertension, like myself, also have all these same sensory problems, ironically.

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