Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.
My 10 year old son has Irlerne syndrome which is on the higher functioning end of the autistic spectrum. When he was diagnosed a few years ago we were only told of the educational effects of the condition which he's now getting help for and he's managed to learn how to read in the last year. It was only through our own research on the condition that we found out about the other effects of the condition like the fact that it's probably what's responsible for his behaviour which is being a real problem at the moment.
The behaviour is not just bad, it's the kind of thing that's going to land him with a criminal record if we don't sort it out soon and it's really worrying us.
We've tried punishment like time outs, reward charts and talking through his behaviour with him to try to find out what's behind it and explain why it's not ok but nothing is having any effect.
from conversations I've had with him recently I'm beginning to understand that 3 things may be making matters more difficult. One is that he struggles to express what he's thinking or feeling (we've tried getting him to draw how he's feeling but he doesn't find that any easier than telling us with words).
The second is that he has no ability to work out what someone else might be feeling. Any time I ask him how someone he's being naughty to might feel because of it he guesses at 'sad' but I can tell that's a guess and he can't think more than that. I realize that if he can't understand how he's effecting other people it's difficult for him to understand why a lot of his behaviour isn't ok.
The third thing is that he doesn't seem to have the ability to stop and think through an action before doing it. He will do whatever comes into his mind and then just say 'I didn't know' when we ask him if he remembered it was against the rules or thought what would happen if he did it.
He also seems to shut down and just stare at the floor as soon as I try talking to him about anything, or will interrupt me with something that isn't anything to do with what we're talking about. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to hear what I'm saying or if he actually can't concentrate on it for more than a few seconds.
I've heard of people with autistic spectrum problems managing to learn how to do these things even if they don't come naturally and I'd be really interested to hear if anyone here knows how.
I would be willing to try anything to help my son with these behaviours that are hurting him as well as others around him so much. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing I say or do seems to even register to him so I need help.
Please help me to know how to help my son. Things are getting rapidly worse and we need to find a way to help him.
The behaviour is not just bad, it's the kind of thing that's going to land him with a criminal record if we don't sort it out soon and it's really worrying us.
We've tried punishment like time outs, reward charts and talking through his behaviour with him to try to find out what's behind it and explain why it's not ok but nothing is having any effect.
from conversations I've had with him recently I'm beginning to understand that 3 things may be making matters more difficult. One is that he struggles to express what he's thinking or feeling (we've tried getting him to draw how he's feeling but he doesn't find that any easier than telling us with words).
The second is that he has no ability to work out what someone else might be feeling. Any time I ask him how someone he's being naughty to might feel because of it he guesses at 'sad' but I can tell that's a guess and he can't think more than that. I realize that if he can't understand how he's effecting other people it's difficult for him to understand why a lot of his behaviour isn't ok.
The third thing is that he doesn't seem to have the ability to stop and think through an action before doing it. He will do whatever comes into his mind and then just say 'I didn't know' when we ask him if he remembered it was against the rules or thought what would happen if he did it.
He also seems to shut down and just stare at the floor as soon as I try talking to him about anything, or will interrupt me with something that isn't anything to do with what we're talking about. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to hear what I'm saying or if he actually can't concentrate on it for more than a few seconds.
I've heard of people with autistic spectrum problems managing to learn how to do these things even if they don't come naturally and I'd be really interested to hear if anyone here knows how.
I would be willing to try anything to help my son with these behaviours that are hurting him as well as others around him so much. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing I say or do seems to even register to him so I need help.
Please help me to know how to help my son. Things are getting rapidly worse and we need to find a way to help him.
Where I live, there's a group called Positive Behavior Support Nevada that works with parents and children with disabilities figure out what may be triggering certain less than behaviors and and figure out a strategy (or strategies) to resolve the issue through positive behavioral support. Here's the website so that you can read more about this service: http://www.pbsnv.org/ Maybe your State has a similar program available ????
TMR72, I can understand what you mean about not being able to read people from their faces coz I have never been able to either, my therapist thinks that for me it's coz my home was abusive and I never got the chance to learn though because I have no diagnosed reason for struggling.
Like you though I am rather obsessive over rules. My son doesn't seem to find rules important at all.
The things he's doing are far more serious than just not understanding social rules, they're breaking safety rules and sometimes even the law. He stole a knife, took it to school and told the other kids that he was in a gang and had stabbed someone at the weekend. The school told us he had also threatened the kids and that they were terrified but my son said he didn't threaten anyone. When I asked him why he did it and how he expected them to react he said he didn't know.
He stole one of his other mum's cigarettes and lighter and lit it and then threw it down the side of the porch. When we asked him about it at first he put on an exaggerated shocked face which he always does when he wants us to think he hasn't done something but when we told him we knew it was him he told us 'I just wanted to see if it would burn'. He has lit fires around the house a few times before and we've told him how dangerous lighting anything on fire is and that it's against the rules but it doesn't seem to make any difference.
I talked through with him in detail why it wasn't ok but only a few days later we smelled burning again in the bathroom.
He steals both from home and school, breaks anything in the house and then hides what he's broken (I have to hide my belongings now because he's broken so many of them), writes on walls and furniture, and constantly does things he's been told not to. We have also been told that he has bullied other children at school. It's thinks like hitting them or saying very nasty things that he knows are wrong rather than just not being able to work out for himself what's ok and what's not.
It seems like the more we tell him not to do something or try to correct his behaviour the more he does those things.
Over the last few days I've been trying a new idea where I've started setting a few very simple, basic rules and every time I see him disobeying them I ask him to tell me what he's done that he wasn't supposed to do and why he wasn't supposed to do it instead of telling him. I'm hoping that by talking him through this process so often it will help him to start being able to think through doing something by him self. The longer we keep something like this up though the worse he seems to behave. He sees behaving as a way to get out of trouble rather than a long term solution.
He says he understands why the things he does aren't ok but if he has a thought about doing anything then he seems to think he is a helpless victim of that thought rather than seeing that he has a choice on whether to act on it or not. Any time we ask why he did something he will say 'I don't know, I just had the thought about it'.
He CAN resist thoughts though coz he's told me that some of these thoughts for a while before he acts on them.
It's also not because he can't remember what we've said because if we say something that will benefit him he can remember it. He seems to switch off and not listen a lot when it's not something that he wants to hear though...but even then he can repeat what I've said back to me if I ask.
I'm so confused and I really don't know what to do. I worry that I may be doing something wrong or misunderstanding something to make all this worse, I just wish I knew what.
We've tried writing, drawing, all kinds of ways to try to help him express his thoughts and feelings but he actually doesn't seem to know any more than what he says.
If a reason is suggested to him and he thinks it will get him out of trouble (like one time a family therapist said it was understandable if he was breaking things because he was feeling sad about his dad who abused him) then he latches on to it and gives it as a reason every time...but when we told him 'we understand it but it doesn't make it ok to keep doing these things, you need to let us help you to find a more appropriate way to cope with these feelings' then he stopped giving that as a reason because it didn't stop us from telling him off for stealing and breaking everyone's belongings.
it really just seems to be that if he has a thought to do something then he doesn't see any reason why its a bad idea as being a good enough reason to not do what he wants to do...and I've tried everything I can think of to help him to change that and I don't know what to do anymore.
He's not a bad kid, he's a wonderful, caring, fun, sweet kid...that's not what most people are seeing in him right now because of all this behaviour, and that's breaking my heart for him.
LSDoran, I'll look for that 'Mind Reading' thing. I think it may help me as well as my son because I've never been able to learn how to tell what people are thinking either.
Yes, if someone is crying I would say they are sad, if they're smiling I would say they're happy, if they're shouting they're angry. I know that emotions are more complicated than this but I don't know how to inteperate them.
Stevensmom, what is a visual social story?
Is it defined differently in other countries?
I can tell you things to help with Irlen which have worked for me, but I'm not sure if my definition of it is the same as yours.