Autism / Autism Spectrum Support Group
Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of behavior. Although the specific etiology of autism is unknown, many researchers suspect that autism results from genetically mediated vulnerabilities to environmental triggers.
MY SON IS FIVE YEARS OLD (IS NOT AUTISTIC,BUT HIS SISTER IS) AND IS IN KINDERGARTEN. SEVERAL TIMES DURING THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS OF OCT., HE TOLD ME THAT HE "HATES HALLOWEEN" AND "HATES TRICK OR TREAT"! A COUPLEOF TIMES HE EVEN SAID HE "WOULD BE SICK ON HALLOWEEN"! AT SCHOOL THEY DID A LOT OF FUN HALLOWEEN ACTIVITIES AT SCHOOL, AND SUNG SOME CUTE HALLOWEEN SONGS, WHICH HE EVEN SUNG AT HOME! THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS HE WENT OUT FOR TRICK OR TREAT, AND SEEMED TO REALLY ENJOT IT- SO I WAS PUZZLED AS TO WHY HE WAS BEING SO NEGATIVE ABOUT HALLOWEEN. (STILL AM).
ON 10-31, ALL THE KIDS WERE TO WEAR THEIR COSTUMES TO SCHOOL. HIS IS A POLICEMAN COSTUME. I ADMIT THAT WAS MY IDEA, BUT I MADE IT A POINT TO ASK HIM BEFORE I BOUGHT IT AND RIGHT AFTER I BOUGHT IT IF HE WOULD WEAR IT, AND HE ALWAYS SAID "YES". I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO DRESS AS, AND HE CHOSE THE SAME COSTUME HE HAD LAST YEAR, THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD TO GO WITH A DIFFERENT IDEA. ANYHOW, THAT MORNING OF 10-31, HE REFUSED TO WEAR HIS COSTUME TO SCHOOL. I THOUGHT IF HE WENT TO SCHOOL AT ALL, I'D HAVE TO DRAG HIM IN. THEN I SAID "WHAT IF YOU WEAR THE PANTS AND A T-SHIRT, AND TAKE THE REST OF THE COSTUME IN YOUR BACKPACK?" THAT'S WHAT HIS SISTER WAS DOING. SHE IS AUTISTIC, AND HAS A LONG LONG BUS RIDE TO SCHOOL. HE AGREED TO THAT. WHEN HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, I ASKED IF HE HAD WORN HIS COSTUME, AND HE SAID "NO". MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN, BUT I WAS SHOCKED, AND FELT SAD TO THINK OF HIM AT SCHOOL WITH NO COSTUME ON. MY DAUGHTER IS THE ONE I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED TO BEHAVE THIS WAY, BEING AUTISTIC. (ACTUALLY SHE DID GREAT). THE COSTUME LOOKED LIKE IT HAD NOT EVEN BEEN TAKEN OUT, AND I WAS PUZZLED THAT THERE WAS NO RESPONSE TO THE NOTE I HAD WRITTEN THE TEACHER ABOUT MY SON'S BEHAVIOR AT HOME THAT MORNING. MY SON'S WHOLE ATTITUDE ABOUT HALLOWEEN HAD ME IN TEARS AT THAT POINT. I WAITED 35 YEARS TO HAVE KIDS, AND MY HOPES FOR A HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND TRICK OR TREAT WERE DASHED. I FELT SO DISAPPOINTED, I CAN'T EXPRESS IT IN WORDS. I CAN NEVER GET MY HOPES UP TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT MY DAUGHTER WILL DO SINCE SHE'S AUTISTIC, BUT MY SON IS SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL!!! I WONDER IF MY SON DID THIS JUST TO PUSH MY BUTTONS BECAUSE SOMEHOW HE KNEW HALLOWEEN MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ME?!! TO ME, IT'S PART OF A NORMAL HEALTHY CHILDHOOD! WE ASKED MY SON AGAIN AND AGAIN WHY HE DIDN'T LIKE HALLOWEEN AND DIDN'T WANT TO TRICK OR TREAT, AND HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET AN ANSWER OUT OF HIM. HE WAS NOT FORCED TO DO ANYTHING, BY THE WAY. HE JUST SAYS "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO". HE DOESN'T SEEM A BIT UPSET OR DISAPPOINTED ABOUT IT EITHER. I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MY SON, AND AM WONDERING IF HE NEEDS TO GO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST?
ON 10-31, ALL THE KIDS WERE TO WEAR THEIR COSTUMES TO SCHOOL. HIS IS A POLICEMAN COSTUME. I ADMIT THAT WAS MY IDEA, BUT I MADE IT A POINT TO ASK HIM BEFORE I BOUGHT IT AND RIGHT AFTER I BOUGHT IT IF HE WOULD WEAR IT, AND HE ALWAYS SAID "YES". I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO DRESS AS, AND HE CHOSE THE SAME COSTUME HE HAD LAST YEAR, THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD TO GO WITH A DIFFERENT IDEA. ANYHOW, THAT MORNING OF 10-31, HE REFUSED TO WEAR HIS COSTUME TO SCHOOL. I THOUGHT IF HE WENT TO SCHOOL AT ALL, I'D HAVE TO DRAG HIM IN. THEN I SAID "WHAT IF YOU WEAR THE PANTS AND A T-SHIRT, AND TAKE THE REST OF THE COSTUME IN YOUR BACKPACK?" THAT'S WHAT HIS SISTER WAS DOING. SHE IS AUTISTIC, AND HAS A LONG LONG BUS RIDE TO SCHOOL. HE AGREED TO THAT. WHEN HE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL, I ASKED IF HE HAD WORN HIS COSTUME, AND HE SAID "NO". MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN, BUT I WAS SHOCKED, AND FELT SAD TO THINK OF HIM AT SCHOOL WITH NO COSTUME ON. MY DAUGHTER IS THE ONE I WOULD HAVE EXPECTED TO BEHAVE THIS WAY, BEING AUTISTIC. (ACTUALLY SHE DID GREAT). THE COSTUME LOOKED LIKE IT HAD NOT EVEN BEEN TAKEN OUT, AND I WAS PUZZLED THAT THERE WAS NO RESPONSE TO THE NOTE I HAD WRITTEN THE TEACHER ABOUT MY SON'S BEHAVIOR AT HOME THAT MORNING. MY SON'S WHOLE ATTITUDE ABOUT HALLOWEEN HAD ME IN TEARS AT THAT POINT. I WAITED 35 YEARS TO HAVE KIDS, AND MY HOPES FOR A HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND TRICK OR TREAT WERE DASHED. I FELT SO DISAPPOINTED, I CAN'T EXPRESS IT IN WORDS. I CAN NEVER GET MY HOPES UP TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT MY DAUGHTER WILL DO SINCE SHE'S AUTISTIC, BUT MY SON IS SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL!!! I WONDER IF MY SON DID THIS JUST TO PUSH MY BUTTONS BECAUSE SOMEHOW HE KNEW HALLOWEEN MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ME?!! TO ME, IT'S PART OF A NORMAL HEALTHY CHILDHOOD! WE ASKED MY SON AGAIN AND AGAIN WHY HE DIDN'T LIKE HALLOWEEN AND DIDN'T WANT TO TRICK OR TREAT, AND HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET AN ANSWER OUT OF HIM. HE WAS NOT FORCED TO DO ANYTHING, BY THE WAY. HE JUST SAYS "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO". HE DOESN'T SEEM A BIT UPSET OR DISAPPOINTED ABOUT IT EITHER. I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MY SON, AND AM WONDERING IF HE NEEDS TO GO SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST?
What you need to remember as a mother is that children rarely do things just coz it's important to mummy, robots do that, kids do what they want or see a point to doing - they are their own beings with their own likes, dislikes, wants, needs and opinions. Over important things like education, keeping safe, learning how to get along with others and other things they're going to need to know in life we as parents use discipline and reward incentives to bend their will to ours, but in matters of personal taste all just need to help them learn how to make wise decisions for themselves. We can tell them 'no' if we see them making a bad decision, but we can't force them to like what we like.
Halloween, no matter how important it is to you, is a matter of personal taste - some people like it and some don't! This year your son decided he doesn't like it. Maybe another year he'll change his mind back and like it again, maybe he wont ever. Just like maybe you like chocolate ice cream and maybe he'll decide he prefers vanilla. These decisions are part of him deciding on his own identity.
Encourage him to do things you would have found fun as a child or even find fun now, but if he decides his idea of fun is different then, providing it's not actually harmful to his development, let him begin to form himself into the person he wants to be. I know it can be difficult to do this, especially at such a young age, but deciding these small things now will prepare for bigger decisions when he's older.
If you help him to learn how to make decisions in a sensible way then the person he's beginning to make himself with these decisions will be a person you can be proud of.
I think it is usual for kids to do this. They have their own agendas and don't like to be told what to do even at that age. I had made a gorgeous clown costum for my son who is 4 and he tried it on and liked it, but said, I want to be a pirate. The costume is still unused. There is always next year for our hopes to be realized.
Don't be sad, think of it as a geat moment, he is thinking for himself! That is a great thing.
I have two children, my daughter is on the spectrum, my son is not,
My son goes through spells like this, he is just being him, your son didnt want to hurt you he just wants to do his own thing, I find if I have a day where I can spend the whole day with him and he is my focus ususally if anything is bothering him it usually disappears, as my daughter gets alot of attention especially from therapist etc, so just try to find a day once a month to spend just with your son.
hope this helps,, hugs
I thought your post seemed really negative.
It could be that I'm reading into what you said wrong.
It seemed selfish.
It could be I see all capital letters as angry.
Maybe your son was dissapointed he couldn't bee what he wanted to be.
Maybe something scared him about halloween.
Why would he be dissapointed?
He did what he wanted to do.
I though it waaas offensive when you said
"I CAN NEVER GET MY HOPES UP TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT MY DAUGHTER WILL DO SINCE SHE'S AUTISTIC, BUT MY SON IS SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL!!! I WONDER IF MY SON DID THIS JUST TO PUSH MY BUTTONS BECAUSE SOMEHOW HE KNEW HALLOWEEN MEANT A GREAT DEAL TO ME?!! ".
Please don't be mad at me thoughh.