Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
I don't seem to be bale to understand my emotions, why I feel certain ways about some things, or even why it is I do things.
For instance, I've reflected before on something I did long ago, something I felt guilty about, and I was convinced I did it out of spite. But, it seems to me,a lot of different things contributed to why I did it. One thing that really comes to mind is that, at the time, I thought it was a joke, and later, I also thought t was a joke, but a joke done with a modicum of spite or anger...
Now I'm really not sure why I did it. This plays into why I become obsessed or paranoid about some things. I really don't know what's going on with me, or how I feel about it. When I explain why I like or dislike something, it seems like a number of different emotions and possible reasons come up as to why and what is involved in my like or dislike.
Does anyone else have this problem? Could it possibly be Asperger's related, or just one of those human things no one understands, or perhaps a separate issue?
For instance, I've reflected before on something I did long ago, something I felt guilty about, and I was convinced I did it out of spite. But, it seems to me,a lot of different things contributed to why I did it. One thing that really comes to mind is that, at the time, I thought it was a joke, and later, I also thought t was a joke, but a joke done with a modicum of spite or anger...
Now I'm really not sure why I did it. This plays into why I become obsessed or paranoid about some things. I really don't know what's going on with me, or how I feel about it. When I explain why I like or dislike something, it seems like a number of different emotions and possible reasons come up as to why and what is involved in my like or dislike.
Does anyone else have this problem? Could it possibly be Asperger's related, or just one of those human things no one understands, or perhaps a separate issue?
You also question why you do certain things (the joke was the only thing mentioned): "....not sure why I did it". I think you are questioning your motives for doing things - you are not sure how to put to words what your reason for doing something is, or maybe you arent even consciously aware of your motivation until you look back at it later. That lack of understanding can make it hard to know how to feel about it, adding to the overall confusion. I am not aware of what condition would lead to a lack of understanding of why you do certain things. Maybe someone else can help with that one.
As for the emotional awareness issue, I have Alexithymia, and I think it explains what you are asking about yourself.
Here is Wikipedia's definition of Alexithymia:
Alexithymia a personality construct characterized by the sub-clinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. The core characteristics of alexithymia are marked dysfunction in emotional awareness, social attachment, and interpersonal relating. Furthermore, individuals suffering from alexithymia also have difficulty in distinguishing and appreciating the emotions of others, which is thought to lead to unempathic and ineffective emotional responding
You ask if this is related to Asperger Syndrome: I would have to say Yes to that question; from what I learned in therapy and what I read online, it supports that answer. I cant say for sure one way or the other since I am not an expert, but I do have the same emotional awareness difficulties that you are explaining.
The following is from the Wikipedia page on Alexithymia:
"In a 2004 study using the TAS-20, 85% of the adults with ASD fell into the impaired category; almost half of the whole group fell into the severely impaired category. Among the normal adult control, only 17% was impaired; none of them severely"
That study in 2004 evidences the connection with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and it is my understanding that it is a common trait among Aspies.
So you dont take the references from Wikipedia out of context, please read the entire Wikipedia page at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia
I hope this info helps you : |
We're two different people, but upon reflection I've found that when I did this similar type of thing I now know it was passive aggression. But that's just me -- not necessarily you. Jokes wouldn't be funny without that 'grain of truth', but mine were rather mean. And yes, at least in my case, I think it can be a part of our Aspie-Autie socialization problem. We're not famous for being tactful! ;-)
I found it difficult to explain to my hubby why I don't like most of the music or tv shows he likes without insulting him. So now I say nothing. Since he is (in my humble opinion,) a high-functioning Autistic Savant, he doesn't receive my 'theories' about his tastes with interest, even though we love tossing most theories around -- especially personal ones involving our minds But the music/tv one "ist verboten!"
He'll always relate to 1968 country/folk/rock music (his puberty) and 1940s tv (re-runs he'd watch with his mom or favorite grandpa) no matter what. They evoke memories of a better time in his life, and now that I realize this I leave him this pleasure....even though they make me wince!
We really just want to be understood, but don't always have the tools or kindest way of going about it. We're often too blunt, but bluntness can come off as cruel or insulting to most people.
Cut yourself some slack, and don't worry too much about it. After all, we're just human! ;-)