would be more helpful to write to wife apologising and offering to try harder in the future

Thanx - I am more upbeat about it this morning, but it is also more useful to use this forum on occasion for support and why the hell should I apologize (!) for a disable condition that is not my damn fault. I am trying harder.

HI well sm 53 Aspie Dispraxic BP Dislexic as is my son as was my father. $300,000 in debt and rising career as lawyer of 20 years gone. BUT I am Mad and Glad retraining as writer/tescher and workshop organiser. Going to get son into business. Creative clever and dang good. Look at my Journal Videoas amd member Einstein was Aspie and he gave us Nuclear Power and the A bomb so Aspies Rool

Egad that was a depressing post. Apologies. Nights and mornings are the toughest.

I have come to realize that the aspbergers condition at my age is deeply rooted in my personality per se and that my best action is to continually watch and guard against what one could somewhat amusingly called the emergence of " he who must not be named " should Lord Voldemort ever come out. Etnernal watchful on my social interactions, anger and other issues. It is damn hard to do and somewhat depressive but it's the only thing I can come up with.

Hard part is to consider myself and my personality as so much scrap metal, machine tooled as defective 50 years ago.

Hi, I have Asperger's too. I understand that it's not easy to have Asperger's in a world full of NT's. It's not your fault that you have Asperger's. Your wife should be more understanding of Asperger's. I know a really helpful website for support with people that have Asperger's, autism and their friends and family's. It is called, www.wrongplanet.net I hope that you find a lot of support from that website. Take care. Dawn

Hey Reisen, I'm 46 and find myself in a similar situation. My behavior in the past has been poor, to say the least. Now as I try to come to grips w/having AS, I find that I have to balance the fact that AS explains certain aspects against the fact that it DOESN'T excuse it. It's not very easy for me to do. Maybe just having AS makes it harder because I want to analyse it to death.
I've read a lot of the threads on this site and notice how NT's cite "rude" behavior of their friends and/or spouse's. Then the counter-arguements by aspie's that the writer is misjudging or unfairly criticizing the aspie. I find that it hits terribly close to home. See, I believe two differnt things at the same time. One is that NT's often find my behavior "rude". The second is that I rarely intend it to be so. So I'm caught in the middle of something, To be "myself" is rude (and hurtful) but To conform to the sociatal norms is death to me (not to mention a full time job of monitoring my own behavior by rules that are foreign to me). There's no doubt in my mind that I must make amends for hurting others and take action so as not to do it again. At the same time I want others to realize what having AS means. Problem is, that I can't force others to learn about AS.
I wish I had the answers for the dilemma but I don't. I do believe that now that I know about AS, I can be less hurtful in the future. I can reflect on my 46 yrs of "scrap metal" for clues to what it is that I did to ruin past relationships. Nope, I doubt all those ppl would forgive me/my actions, but I can try to be a better friend in the future. This time though I'll focus my energies to those that can accept me as an Aspie. As to the world at large, I can't say.

I have a friend who I believe is AS. I am NT. It has been a very trying but stimulating relationship to say the least.
He is 65, and for the most part
has expressed to me that he is very happy and satisfied in his life. He has formed a structured routine around a lifestyle that gives him peace, safety, and general calmness. He makes his living off real estate investments, financed and partly managed by a relative. So he really doesn`t have alot of work stress or need to interact with alot of people. This is his routine. He gets up, has hi morning sweet rolls and coffee, does his mail , read the paper, watched his political shows, then out for lunch, more political shows, afternoon nap, goes to his pub for beer and football or baseball, comes home a little more political shows that he Tivo`d then bed. He has 2 nice dogs to interact with, a son and with family that he occasionally visits and that is it. He only does what he wants to, when he wants to. Only goes to the few places he likes, eats only what he likes, talks only what he likes to talk about. He`ll visit with people occasionally if lonely but nothing of any depth. He`s alone most of the time and really loves the peace.The bulk of the time is reading or TV about politics and sports. His life is limited to his few places and interests, and he doesn`t interact very much, but he is very at peace and content. I must add, he seems more happy than me in my crazy emotion filled NT world. He is organized, self contained and satisfied in his world. He does however have to keep us crazy NT`s at bay and takes us in very small doses. I am not hurt when he shuts me out. I know I can not be part of his world and that is okay. He is still a good person. He just can`t bond with people or really care about anyone on a one to one basis very well. That would upset this fragile secure world he has created for himself. And really, everyone, AS and NT`s need to have a right to create their own happiness in whatever form they need to without being judged as strange or wrong. How is that for understanding and acceptance from an NT?

I guess one difference is that my AS friend really doesn`t seem to care if people are in his life or not. He kind of has this attitude that if you can`t accept him on his terms, why would he want you in his life anyways. I guess that is a hard line. But for him, he is unable to bend his routine, his attitudes, his
interests, his beliefs. Therefore, in order for him to interact with someone, they must totally accomodate him on his terms, or he has no use for the interaction.
He doesn`t really seem to have a sense of "other" very much. So for him to be feel alone or not supported I don`t think is an issue. I really don`t think it makes a difference if there are people in his life or not. He has his dogs and his television shows and that is enough for him.

reisen55

While many do not understand nor wupport us we need to really appresiate those who do

and most especially those who at least stick by us and give it a valiant and hearty try..

thise of us with AS often can feel very seep depression at times but also can feel the extreme exilleration of the high points too...


it is because of these 2 opposite extremes that AS is often confused or misdiagni==oised as Bi-Polar...

and for those that have meltdowns from time to time its even worse because that can be a death toll ring of so called confirmation of Bi-Polar in some experts eyes..

since your wife was once advocating for you but now seems distance here is my advice and hope that is will give you hope and help thrua positive perspective...

First our partners wven when very supportive can get weary of going along on this journey with us

(often they see and feel our pains and woes)

and in the long run they too can become depressed and etc. it can affect them by pulling them down emotionally and healthwise too..

Just want to to realise this and also know that you are not to blame for this but it is reality..

Now to decrease that distancing between your wife & you I see only one solution...

When you are feeling you best, you need to set a time with her for tender and loving communication ...

in this you need to ask her what is causing her to be distant, or move away from close interaction with you

this will/might not be easy to listen to or hear but grit your teetha and bear it ...

try to stay as calm as possible and not get too upset... this will be a sort of necessary info gathering session to allow you & her to adjust a little to each other...

this will allow thinjs to start healing and regain closeness focus and remember that this is the goal nomatter how hard the pain or discomfort... you are doing it for your own and her own good..

remember too she loved you enough to say I do to marriage and that is quite a committment to your relationship...

stop trying to hurt yourself regardless of how bad you feel ...

seek out professional help if necessary to deal with this issue alone

Morings and Evenings are hard for me for 2 reasons too..

But I know the whys and wherefores etc.

mornings are hard for me before breakfast because I'm hypoglycemic and my blood sugar is down then from my bodys constant calorie march thru the night...

so prior to breakfast and for the first 30 minutes after I eait I will not get into complex conversations or thinking etc.

when the bloodsugar has risen after that my head is clearer and my mind is at its best and ready to take on the world...

evenings are hard because now I'm uuslly off work and after a hard day I'm ready to relax... but unfortunately.. sometimes in the past my partner hasn't realised this that I'm done in physically and emotionally from a hard day...

and so now I'm highly sensitive on nearly eery level and a meltdown can come swiftly and seem to come without reason to them..

but for me I can later explain why after calming down..

but this may take hours even for me with years of practice at trying to reprogram for softer responses

yes some of us can and hope to be of help

Walt