Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
Hello everyone. I'm so happy I found this site. It's great to hear from people like myself. I've been on anti-depressants since 19 years old because I thought it was depression. 10 years ago my cousin had twins who both suffer from AS and it was then I noticed that I had the same symptoms them.
Anyway, I really need some help with dating. I've been divorced for 6 years and I notice that I only date people that I already know. I am not able to go on dates and get to know someone like regular people. If I'm not sure that I already like the person I have horrible panic attacks on the way to the date. Then after the date, I never like the person (which I knew before I went), and I have a crying melt down because it didn't work out and I have to start all over again. I wind up dating exes over and over again who don't treat me well because they are the only people that I can go on dates with and be around. I no longer have a problem making friends and have learned how to overcome a lot of my issues (thanks to many therapy sessions and other help), but this problem seems to be getting worse. I'm 35 and terrified that I'll never have kids because I can't date.
Any and all suggestions welcomed
Anyway, I really need some help with dating. I've been divorced for 6 years and I notice that I only date people that I already know. I am not able to go on dates and get to know someone like regular people. If I'm not sure that I already like the person I have horrible panic attacks on the way to the date. Then after the date, I never like the person (which I knew before I went), and I have a crying melt down because it didn't work out and I have to start all over again. I wind up dating exes over and over again who don't treat me well because they are the only people that I can go on dates with and be around. I no longer have a problem making friends and have learned how to overcome a lot of my issues (thanks to many therapy sessions and other help), but this problem seems to be getting worse. I'm 35 and terrified that I'll never have kids because I can't date.
Any and all suggestions welcomed
There is a recent thread called "Romantic Interaction" that you might find helpful.
Also, are you doing any kind of coping techniques now? How about therapy or medications? You mentioned that therapy has helped you in the past. Are you still doing it?
My thoughts about dating, which was always difficult for me, is that the performance aspect of it was very hard and that the pressure I put on myself made it all much worse.
I know that this is easier said than done, but if you can just focus on talking to women, sharing thoughts and feelings and experiences, then the rest might fall into place. If, instead, you try to perceive yourself as being in the "data scene" and having expectations about where things might go, the pressures will rise. Since you are good at making friends, you have many social habits to build on.
You mentioned not likely the other person. Have you done introspection to understand this feeling?
AllGoodMan. I will try to figure out why I always tell myself I don't like a person before I go out with them. I think it's just the stress of going, but that's a great suggestion.
Good luck. Things might take time, but with some thoughtful introspection, they'll steadily improve.
One thing that is probably true of people with Asperger's, and I include myself in this, is that we can be judgmental because we tend to have very particular ideas about how things should be (what people should do, how they should act, what ideas they should have, what things should interest them, etc.) Being awareness of this tendency and learning to accept that people will not conform to all our expectations can be helpful.
I wish you well. Another thing is that dating is tough for everyone, so some of the stress you're feeling is inevitable!