Asperger Syndrome Support Group

Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.

1 Online
1 Online

Lying, Stealing, anyone having these issues?

My son is 14 and was diagnosed with AS. He lies about EVERYTHING, and I am not exaggerating. He is now getting in trouble with the law for his stealing. Some people tell me this is not normal and the doctors are telling me this is part of AS. I am wondering if I am getting the wrong information from the doctors. Is anyone else having or has had this problem?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

my daughter is going to be gettingtested for AS. she lies and has stolen from family members, we keep a pretty tight hold on her in the stores, but she will take things from our room and from her siblings, she did attempt to take a small item from her Aunt's store but we caught her she has not been back in there since, our doing not her aunt's/ the lying is worse then the stealing.but as I said she is being tested and so we are not sure yet if AS is what we are dealing with,although I am guesing we are. she has been dx with ODD/ADD TOO,
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have two with AS one high intelligence and one low they both lie and steal. The lying is SO frustrating because like you said it's over everything, maybe because they can't figure out what you think is wrong and right so they lie anyway. AS tend to be habit formers, it could become a habit? My two are adopted and they have an adult sibling with the same problem who is known in her family for lying and stealing and has lost jobs. The birth mother was also a lier and stealer, my two did not grow up with her so not learnt behaviour. AS seems to come in diffrent forms, mine will also eat anything (including non food) which seems opposite to the most common AS you hear about.
deleted_user
deleted_user

It's funny you should use the phrase "and I'm not exaggerating" because lying and exaggerating, and overstating (which is what my father does)are seem to be a part of the aspie "depth perception" problem. It seems difficult for some aspies to discern between literal and figurative speech, fact from imagination...things like that. So no, I don't think you're getting the wrong information.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Exaggerating and telling white lies seems about normal for me too enhance a story. Guess I have lied to deceive for less noble reasons. Believe I am a terrible liar and people tell immediately so I havn't bothered for amny years. Still exaggerate when telling a story sometimes to make it more interesting or me important I think,

Would never lie about anything serious or crimminal, I'm steadfast as to what is right and wrong/good and bad etc. If a person asks me for the truth without being intimidating I cannot lie.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My mom has AS and she lies about everything, for no reason. My boss from a previous job has it too, and his dealio is more about making it up as he goes along so he can sound as if he knows what's going on.

I went through a period of that myself. I always felt others were lyng to me (and of course a lot of them were) and I did it out of a sense of revenge, to keep them off-balance and under my control in a sense.
deleted_user
deleted_user

We have noticed my son starting to do this a little this past summer. We can tell right away what he's doing. However, it seems to us that he's trying to joke about what happened because he doesn't know how to handle the situation. All he knows is that his sisters are upset with him. When we talk to him, he tries to play it all off as a joke and what it turns out to be is a very bad lie.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My little one doesn't lie, per say, but she tries to cover things up. It must be hard with a mom that ya don't know if she'll be upset or hug ya when ya screw up. Bless her heart. But she always gets caught. She is sooooo bad at hiding evidence, it makes me giggle.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don't think your doctors are necessarily "wrong" that it is part of AS, unless they are saying this while shrugging their shoulders as if there's nothing you can do about it.

Whether it is "normal" is beside the real issue.

It's wrong. Period. Especially now that stealing and the police are involved.

I don't really know what else to tell you at this point. Other than that I do have one son who tells "stories."

He doesn't "lie" in the same sense that your son seems to lie. He doesn't steal or try to cover things up by lying. He does seem to "know" all sorts of things, and have "experienced" many things my wife and i know full well he hasn't, and couldn't have.

That is part of his AS, and it's very hard to deal with. In fact, we've found it's best to just NOT deal with it, because correcting him does nothing but lead to a battle neither of us will win. He's honest when it really matters, and so far there's never been anything remotely close to involving the law.

There is where the similarity between my son and your son ends, so I really don't know what I would do in your case.

I only know I would NEVER allow myself to think that just because he has AS, he can't help it.

Don't buy that for a second.
deleted_user
deleted_user

My 14 yr old was just diagnosed and my 8 yr was diagnosed last year. While I'm glad I finally know what's wrong with her after years of seeing a dozen doctors, it doesn't totally help us. She also lies and steals since she was around 8 or maybe younger. It gets worse and worse. We're at the point of counseling weekly, meds, no Internet, no. Boyfriend, no phone, no nothing and yet she still does it... We don't hit our kids and plus hitting a kid with. Mental health condition is just sick anyway. But I've done everything from punishing to not punishing and trying to talk it out. Each time she just manipulates me I to believing her and she starts again. Not even a day goes by! No concise in her, no love, no caring, very selfish yet puts on a good act. I hate talking about her like this because I love her so much but this is how she is perceived by everyone. However my son is totally the opposite. He loves everyone, is sensitive to his feeling, protective over me and his sisters even if one is mean to him, if he tells a white lie he ends up telling on himself because he feels guilty, etc... So my idea is that this may not be the AS but an additional mental health issue...
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish

just to note - this thread is nearly 5 yrs old.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Even though the thread is old, can we continue it pls? The past info is valuable and helps some of us even today.

Heather, my bf admits he "used" to be a thief, and that he will "sometimes" lie, but only for good reason. He broke himself of the stealing as a teenager, I don't know how, he does have a high moral compass, now. His attempts to lie, are more like, he will say he is going to one place, but is really going somewhere else. It has not been a major issue, so far.

If you find out a reason(s) they do this, or a way to overcome it, please let us and others know.
Please don't feel bad for "speaking" of her in "this way", we know your intentions are from love. We are not gossipping or putting her or others like this down, we are truly trying to understand. I too sometimes feel bad and very alone, that I have no one I can confide in, about the situation I have with my bf. I'm not trying to talk bad about him, just trying to understand, cope, and deal with it all. Good luck all and stay strong.
Fern-RL
Fern-RL

The first time I was aware of a discussion about lying in my family, my mom said, "It is very hard to remember the details when you lie, so it is hard to lie and get away with it." I took that as a challenge and I would tell lies a lot for a long time, just to see if I could get away with it.

I don't remember what changed, but there was a point in my life when I just decided I would always tell the truth. That did not always include being open about things I didn't want to say anything about, but now, I don't even want to remain silent if that will give someone the false impression about something. It was hard, though, if I didn't want to hurt someone's feelings at the same time, so I would have to think longer about what I was going to say before I said anything.

I grew up in a religious household in a religious community, so that may have made a difference, somehow, but maybe I was slow at letting the religious instruction sink in. That is how I see AS in my mind--slowness in having the communication sink in.

My parents were also good and kind, if they hadn't been, I would have rebelled even more, I think.