Nobody wants to listen to their mom at that age. Unfortunately, it might take getting picked on by a peer to motivate her to take care of herself better.

Shannon just know you are not alone...........unduki said it best.
I gave up the fight, now she is taking a lil more interest not much but a lil. pray that it sticks. PLEASE pray that it sticks!

I think it would help if you could find a way to make the idea of hygeine less overwhelming to her.

I know some people get just flat out overwhelmed by the amount of bodily maitenance every day living takes.

On the other hand maybe you might need to be a little less intense and make sure you're not visiting your childhood worries on her.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'd hate to see her go through getting picked on,but like unduki said it may take that to get her motivated. And AbsoluteZero I am trying and will continue to try NOT to visit any childhood fears on her. At least her school has a Zero tolerance policy on bullying and such.It would have been soo much easier for me in school if they would have had something in place like that..but then again I probably would be the strong ole' buzzard I am today..lol..Thanks again everyone,I think I'll ease up a bit, invest in some clothes pins and Febreeze,and just let her do her thing,of course I'll remind her when bathtime comes around..but I won't "hound" her as much.. ;D

I found that with my son, it was a sensory thing. There were 2 separate things going on. First, he couldn't stand the water in his eyes. Second he said that the water coming out of the shower head felt like needles driving into his skin. The first one was easy, I gave him a couple of hand towels so he can dry his face and eyes as often as he wants. The second was a bit more work. We changed out the shower head in there. So it was more like a soft rain fall. He finds that one quite relaxing. I also let him take baths a few times a week, and let him stay in until it is to cold to be comfortable. You can try talking to her about what it is that bothers her about the shower. I understand completely the shower fights, I don't know how many times I have had to strip and wash my son. I usually give my son the choice. . .do it yourself, or I will, he's 10 now, and that is usually enough to get him to do it himself.

I think with Aspergians some times ( speaking from LIVING with this ), they lack an "internal prompt" as far as certain thangs go. You got to stick with her just enough but knowing how I was as a child the more pressure applied the more I would pull away. One of the few thangs of a PAINFUL childhood spent mostly in a children's home is being clean was NOT optional and over time became an "incorporated" way of being for me. It is hard enough to see left behind adults with this struggling, but still parents of minors going through such frustrations.

Yeah, cause they could turn out like me! Buah ha ha ha!

hey, pandora, how's it going?

Thanks Pandora and frazzledmom. I am trying to push her to take care of these things on her own without prompting(nagging) as much as I did before. I know if I get frustrated repeating the same stuff over and over, I KNOW she's got to get tired of hearing it over and over. Last nite was the first time she's gotten into the tub without me having to tell her. I didn't bug her or nag her about her hair, since I was so stunned that she went and bathed on her own, I didn't feel like ruining the "mood"..lol I praised her afterwards though for doing it on her own. She did ask about her hair and I told her not to worry about it until Sunday (she's on a year round schedule and tracks back in on Monday.). I figured we'll battle out the hair washing later. ;D
I do know that like some Aspies, she really doesn't like water in her face or eyes, so we keep some hand towels close by so while she is washing she can make sure to keep the water off her face.
And frazzledmom, I think what upsets her is the fact that 9 times out of 10 when we ask her to go ahead and take her shower/bath, she is on her computer doing her anime drawings or chatting with her anime friends (yep we gots parental controls on it and we also monitor closely what she is writing and to whom she is writing it to), and she is super focused on that activity and is not wanting to get off and "take care of buisness". When she is tracked in, she does make sure that her homework and other essential schoolwork is done before she jumps in on the computer. That is where I think our problem begins. We say "Time for a shower/bath." and we get "ok, in a minute let me finish typing to these poeple or let me finish coloring in this arm,leg,ect. But instead of going ahead and telling her chat/school buddies bye, she has a tendency to keep right on talking or right on keeps right on drawing and coloring in more than was agreed upon. Hubby is a little more stern with her than I am. he's one of those people that when they say "Come on let's go do this and get it over with." he expects her to stop drawing or go ahead and tell her "friends" bye and come along whereas I tend to be a little more lienient and allow her to "lolly-gag" a little bit.
Thanks again so much for everyone's advice!

Well it is awesome you are working at it, it can be very challenging. Remembering myself as a child I had to be "prompted" for everythang including brushing my teeth. There was no comps then but I would get "absorbed", "distracted" just not be mindful. You are right to be seeking ways to help her, I keep myself clean but focus issues plague me to this day, As to SigS LOL, that was my chuckle of the day!

Sounds good. I got a clock/timer that I set to help him see that his time is going to be up soon. I will give him a verbal warning that in ?min's that he will need to put away his project and do whatever it is that comes next (shower, dinner, bed. . .and the list goes on) I use the timer for almost all transitions from one thing to another. I do have to keep the timer where he can't reach it however, as he quickly decided that he could extend his time and I would never know (his was only 5 when we started this. You may be able to get away with some of the waterless "soap's" a few times a week. They are sold at most any pharmacy, used to clean the skin when using water is not an option. She could use that for the body and a wash cloth and soap on the underarms, and privet areas. I would allow this to be done no more than 4 days a week.

The not flushing thing seems to be the norm with our kids, as well as not cleaning up the messes they leave behind. (my 4 yr old has much better aim than that of the 10yr old aspie, and the 4 yr old cleans up after himself more often than not.) It did help when I found some reminder print outs on line. They were all from free sites, most were from ASD or special needs websites. I printed them out, had all 3 kids color them in and then put them in plastic sheet protectors. Taped them to the bathroom wall and no more nagging mom. I move the placement about once a month or else it becomes just part of the background. When I move it, he seems to look around like he knows he is forgetting something and needs to remember what it is. When he finds the reminder on the other wall he is prompted to follow thru. Hope these help. I will look up some of those sites and link them for everyone. But gotta get the little one and my self ready to go shopping before the big kids get home from school and the Pdoc appt. this afternoon.
Hope some one can get something from my long winded chatter.