Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
My fiance with AS and I had a fight 2 nights ago. I left his place and went back to my place. I did hug him bye in the morning when he was half asleep. He really hurt me because he spent all night that night and all night the night before that writing music. He knows I need some time with him to feel connected but he gets super absorbed in what he is doing.
I understand this because I have been with him for almost 6 years. I fell asleep because it got so late and I woke up to him talking with his roommate, playing video games, asking about his day and so on. I felt sad because all the awake hours we spent, he ignored me. When he was finally finished working at 1 a.m., that's what I woke up to. I called him in the room to talk with him about how I was feeling and he said something like, "Well you're just a gas tank that needs to be filled up." I said, I needed some time with him and it hurts me because it feels like you don't care to spend time with me when I'm over. He said, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS," and turned out the light. While we were in bed, he did snuggle up behind me. I think this was his way of saying I love you and maybe sorry.
I have chosen not to speak to him or see him until he initiates a conversation. I am doing this because it seems that whenever I need to talk, it's never a good time for him, or it's at a time that he does not prefer. Either it's interrupting his work time, sleep time, eat time, or any other time.
My question is: Do I email him and say I need to talk to him? Or should I wait for him?
I am feeling very sad right now and I just want things to be worked out. Please help if you are willing.
I understand this because I have been with him for almost 6 years. I fell asleep because it got so late and I woke up to him talking with his roommate, playing video games, asking about his day and so on. I felt sad because all the awake hours we spent, he ignored me. When he was finally finished working at 1 a.m., that's what I woke up to. I called him in the room to talk with him about how I was feeling and he said something like, "Well you're just a gas tank that needs to be filled up." I said, I needed some time with him and it hurts me because it feels like you don't care to spend time with me when I'm over. He said, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS," and turned out the light. While we were in bed, he did snuggle up behind me. I think this was his way of saying I love you and maybe sorry.
I have chosen not to speak to him or see him until he initiates a conversation. I am doing this because it seems that whenever I need to talk, it's never a good time for him, or it's at a time that he does not prefer. Either it's interrupting his work time, sleep time, eat time, or any other time.
My question is: Do I email him and say I need to talk to him? Or should I wait for him?
I am feeling very sad right now and I just want things to be worked out. Please help if you are willing.
I'm sorry you went through that. It certainly wasn't a nice way for you to be treated.
While getting absorbed in things and needing some private time is a common trait of Asperger's, saying things like "well you're just a gas tank that needs to be filled up" is a different matter. That's something he *can* take responsibility for and *should* take responsibility for.
I'm not sure that I have the right answer, or even a helpful answer, for whether you should contact him first. But I would say that a person with Asperger's may be used to taking cues from other people, perhaps because he doesn't always trust his own instincts in social matters.
Also, how does he think and feel about having Asperger's? His own attitudes about it along with the way that he has chosen (or not chosen) to cope with it could make a difference here.