"People always talk about how difficult it is for people with autism to form attachments,"

People say alot of things and a good proportion is not true.

Apart from not having alot of friends I love as much as anyone else, parents, partners and humanity in general.

I believe I am capable of loving someone or forming attachments just as well as anyone else is. I wrote about love in more than one of my journal entries, I will look them up and copy parts to this discussion.

Most emotions I am aware of are felt internally and are private. I can feel scared and not show it externally, but the fact I dont show it externally does not make the fear any more or less real. I think my emotions are very strong in many ways, but it isn't noticed by others that is why people get the incorrect idea that we are emotionless, people do not see our feelings, so they often think we do not have them.

Love is different; it is not only private and in your mind like most others can be. Love is an emotion that you specifically share with someone else. I can love someone and feel it in my mind, but the other person cannot feel my love unless I display it externally. The other person might know I love them because I tell them that I love them, but unless I show it to them in the way that NTs do, they may not feel loved.

My capacity to love someone else is the same as anyone elses, but the other person is not likely to feel that love since it is difficult for me to express it or show it.
Anger is another emotion that can be projected at the other person in order for them to feel that I am angry at them. The same difficulty is there since the other person cannot feel my anger, they cannot see it. Many times in the past I was very angry with someone and I would be saying angry words to them about what they did that made me mad, but they laugh at me because the total lack of outward expression of that emotion is missing.

I think NTs look for the non-verbal signs of emotions that we are verbally speaking about or trying to share with the them. The NTs perception of our feelings is inhibited due to the lack of outward expression. Love is an emotion that needs to be felt by the other person, and our inability to display that love must make it very hard for the other person to feel loved. I can be very attached to someone emotionally, the problem is that they are unable to detect it or feel it..

This is a very enlightening discussion. I wound up here on this page looking for a deeper understanding of some of the kids that I work with and what they might be going through or thinking. I work in a school and frequently work with kids that I know fall into the spectrum of Aspergers or Autism of varying degrees. This thread has really shed some light on how they may be effected by certain situations. Thank you.

@winterblossom

You're welcome, I suppose.

@whyamistillalive

The thing with me is that I don't seem to be aware of what goes on in me or what I do: I insist I'm one way when the world says I'm another.

Gotta say this, Asp. Hasn't it occurred to you that the world is just wrong about us? Think about it, this would explain a lot of things that don't otherwise make sense.

I should say that I'm not diagnosed. I haven't got the money for it, and when I was young my dad didn't want to spend the cash on me, to be honest about it. Yet in spite of all his shortcomings, I did love him till the day he died. Does that sound like someone incapable of bonding with others? I don't think so.

My opinion for what it's worth is this...we are entirely capable of forming bonds with others and experiencing love. The problem with bonding is the simple fact that the people who interact with us don't accept us for who we are. In their minds, we are broken and need fixing. If we don't do exactly what they expect of us, they reject us and we pick up on that.

So I'm saying that the problem is with the neurotypicals...their inability to accept people who are different than themselves. Accept us for who we are, and stop trying to make us into what you think we should be, and we are loyal, highly empathic, intelligent, capable friends and lovers.

I haven't been posting here because I've been having big problems with acceptance. But I think I'm finally getting there. Denial hasn't been working for me.

Aspin, I would assume that the judgments of yourself that you are referring to are based on observations of your behavior and/or actions. I will try to explain what I think is happening and why..

Those of us with an ASD typically have a weak Theory of Mind (ToM) which leads to much of our social difficulties. I recommend reading the Wikipedia article on ToM and also on Mind Blindness, those 2 topics will give you a lot of insight into yourself.

Basically, Theory of Mind (ToM) is a persons understanding of other peoples thoughts, desires and feelings, which allows a person to predict and understand other peoples actions and intentions. Humans cannot read minds, so people utilize an understanding of their own self when trying to understand what is going on in the mind of another person. I guess in a very basic way, people expect others to think and react in a similar way to themselves.

Autistic people often have difficulty in understanding and expressing our feelings. Like many of us with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, I have Alexithymia (another good thing to look up on Wikipedia). Alexithymia is basically a lack of understanding of my own emotional state, it is often very difficult for me to consciously understand how I feel and it is even harder for me to explain my feelings to others. You said I don't seem to be aware of what goes on in me or what I do, that is exactly what I experience in regard to my emotions.

ToM cannot help other people to predict our behavior nor does it give them understanding of our state of mind or our actions and reactions. Basically we behave in unexpected ways that often confuse other people. Theory of Mind goes in both directions and we have limitations in both directions. I believe that learning about our limitations in ToM might help us to understand why other people react to us the way they do and educating others about how ToM is compromised due to our autistic traits can help them to have better relationships with us.

I love my mom.
thank you for your sincerity.