Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
I am wondering what is going on in my relationship with my BF of 7 months and if he may have symptons of this disorder. He is 52 and an alcoholic, but also seems to have an off way about him. I am not putting him down, but am just confused and often hurt by his conflicting behaviors. He is not affectionate unless in an intimate sexual setting and does not like holding hands or even just lying in each others arms at home. He often does not listen or appear to understand how I feel. He tells me he cares for me and he says he shows me by giving me things. He often will interrupt me when I speak about feelings or try to discuss issues. He will also walk around a lot and do things around the house. We have had arguments and I have become emotional and he is emotionless, or flat and silent. He once attacked me from behind and hit my head on the floor hard and my nose was bleeding. He did not say a word, just got up and left the room and let me lay there. It was very scary. Other times he is kind and actually enjoyable to be around, but often too drunk, which has now kept us apart, as he refuses to get help. Another problem he brought up to me recently is that his sister was trying to get guardianship over him. He tends to spend money and lend it to his friends a lot. He is on disability from the military and he did have a good career in the med tech field, but i believe his alcoholism ended this. He also has a lot of insecurities regarding women.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
For the record, this is from the psychiatrists diagnostic manaul - to get a diagnosis of aspergers you need to have a certain number of the symptoms below -
(I) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
(A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(C) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity
(II) Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
(A) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
(B) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
(C) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(D) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
(IV) There is no clinically significant general delay in language (E.G. single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years)
(V) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
(VI) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia."
Note the big caveat that they ned to check for various other disorders first.
My guess this is the way he is, made worse by him being a drunk.
I agree with Sadmom. Actually my general view is - he's 52, we have no idea what he has but someone who hits their partner and leaves them bleeding on the floor is not ok to be around. He's not going to change and someone saying he has a medical condition isn't going to make a relationship with him better.