I feel very sad, my moods switch easily sometimes. I've been more suicidal lately and I'm worried. No one knows about this, I wish they could but it's embarrassing. Also, no one knows that I have aspergers except my parents,  they said not to tell anyone so that's why. I've decided to try here because it's easier I think then asking for help outside. I try to forget about that empty feeling that feels like I should die by watch lots of anime and being on my device all the time. I feel sad and depressed that I can't do anything else. I'm a A student and I feel like I'm a puppet who's supposed to look good for people. I feel like I'm the puppet that has to be good at my social and fit into society. My parents tell me to be the best and the centre of attraction. I wish that they could understand that I'm not happy and I feel like a living corpse. I sometimes wonder if I killed myself by jumping off a building, would anyone care? I sometimes wish that a murderer would come and kill me, at least they would take the the time to kill me and hide my corpse. No one even cares about asking how I feel. So if I was to die, I would like to with a smile, since I stopped smiling like a normal person when I was in kindergarten. I had no friends in kindergarten and now I barely have buddies. I haven't told them about this because it would be embarrassing. My cousin once made a joke about suicide on social media, I got extremely angry and gave her a long talk on suicide and how they shouldn't joke about it. They don't know that I'm suicidal and how much it hurts. I hope that there might be someone I could talk to and someone who relates that can help me. Thank you for wasting your time reading this forgotten post.