Since a young age, I would envy people; their uniqueness, their intelligence, their possessions, lifestyle, abilities...you name it.

I had a friend, my only friend at this school I went to, actually, who always knew more about stuff than I did, and I always felt that he was trying to out-shine me, even if I didn't intellectually process it that way.

I also can become insecure if I think someone's more unique, or interesting than me, and if I like this person, platonically or otherwise, it can lead to severe despondency.

In my teens, I know I was very narcissistic; I didn't like people, they were all wrong, and I was right, I was always more special, more interesting, more captivating...of course, I was also a very depressed teen, and was not aware of any autism. That is, until I heard it mentioned in depth by a teacher, whereupon I immediately recognized a slew of symptoms identical to my own, such as stimming, restricted interests, poor social skills, etc.

I don't feel the same way I did in highschool, and I'm much better at empathy than I was then (I couldn't understand why it was so sad that the Sioux Indians ghost dance didn't save them at wounded knee, but about a year or two ago, I heard the story of a certain musician and began crying, and felt like chasing her down and giving her a hug), but I still envy people often, and I try not to--try to cut it off before it begins, because I know that it's wrong.

I've searched online, and all the correlations I can find for AS and envy are envying the social skills and, in effect, the happiness of others. I have this, but it seems like mine goes further.

I remember reading books and watching TV all my life, the characters, the story, I'd picture myself like that, or roundabout. Sometimes I'll encounter someone who I'll deem worthy of a good story, and think "I wish I had that".

And something else, I'm not so sure it is envy sometimes. Therefore, everything I just said could be wrong...but it's the closest thing I can identify it as.

Does anyone else with the diagnosis of AS have things like this? Am I just an envying narcissist? Obviously I'd like the answer to be "no", but I want honesty.

P.S. I know some psychs can misdiagnose AS as NPD and vice versa, but I'm certain I am autistic, as is every Doctor and individual I see.