Asperger Syndrome Support Group

Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.

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I NEED HELP!

stimpy
stimpy
I have a 23 year old son who was diagnosed in his teens with Aspbergers. He graduated from college in Dec. with a BA in Psychology. He wants to go to Israel under the Aliya program, where they pay for flight over and he has to join the military and he would become a citizen of Israel. Oh yeah, he wants to be a doctor! A neuropathologist. Sounds all good, right? Well he has been living with me for 3 weeks now, back from 4 months wandering around russia and spain. And he is like scarily unfocused! Example, we walk to the car, and he walks behind me like he is going to drive, when he is supposed to get in passenger seat. Everybody says he is so unfocused, its wierd. He says things in social situations that don't even pertain to the conversation. He says he is so depressed. I want him to see a psychiatrist and get on medication, for his depression and his ability to not focus. Does anybody have any suggestions for medications? What about Lamictyl? I have threatened him that nobody is going to help him do anything until he goes to a doctor and get medicine. I am so scared for him, I just know he would never be able to cope in the military. I can't even imagine. Am I doing the right thing? Not supporting him. He is angry at me, I am tiptoeing around him. He's difficult to be around. What do I do? Thanks for anykind of suggestions.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well to tell you what, there is no 100% of guarantee that a person can be cured from the state of depression by consulting a psychiatrist and get medicated. I was also diagnosed with depression and psychosis and for a year I got heavily medicated. It was terrible. With my meds, I got more suicidal, imagine I'd mutilate my wrist and neck with a scalpel, also sometimes I would overdose with aspirins till I get symptoms of tinnitus. When I stopped taking my medications, I was able to concentrate more and also I don't do suicidal acts anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I admit that the meds perscribed for me made me more nuts and uncontrollable, that my shrink almost got me admitted to the nearest mental hospital.
deleted_user
deleted_user
he graduated from BA psychology, which means he should be able to control his emotions and handle his own problems with ease. of course, that is his expertise. But anyway, How can you say that he is unfocussed? In what way?
and also, he says he's depressed. Maybe as a mother, you can try to reach out and talk to him gently. Try to ask him what's bothering him and what makes him depressed in a motherly way. Do not pressure him if he doesn't want to respond to your questions. Be patient and always show him that you love him and you can always be trusted..eventually, he will tell you what's bothering him. Before sending him to a shrink and get him medicated, maybe you should first help him before you let other people help your son.
deleted_user
deleted_user
do not threaten himi that nobody else can help him but the doctor. Because you yourself should try solving this problem because you are his mother. Your son came from your womb and not from the psychiatrist's. So, you know more about your son, than the psychiatrist does.
stimpy
stimpy
You are so right, I am trying to talk to him gently, I am praying every night, I cry myself to sleep, because I hate to see him in pain. As his mother I FEEL HIS PAIN. When you talk about suicide, I think you don't realize how selfish that is, people that care about you and love you feel so much pain too. I know the meds won't solve the problem, but I am hoping it might take the EDGE off. And if they don't, its o.k. I will support him and be gentle with him in every way I can.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Stop telling him he won't be accepted in the program because he's depressed. Just let him try for it. If he get's weeded out, support him then, like you supported him now, and keep that "I told you so" to yourself.

Psychology gets a Bachelor of Arts diploma? how strange.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sounds like he is having a difficult time concentrating. Did use a med while going to college to help with concentration and to stay focused.

My 15 yo granddaughter takes Trileptol for mood stabilization, and Luvox for her OCD. She has been on that for 5 years and has done extremely well on it. It has helped with anxiety and concentration.

As far as talking and it not pertain to the conversation, that is not unusual for an Aspie. They make word associations and are off on that subject, completely different from the current topic. Their minds are very busy and complex.

Interesting about going to Israel.. My gd wants to go to Japan and live there. These different areas have evidently caught their interest and they have become fascinated. Before he makes a permanent move and changing his allegenice to another country, he should try to visit first. That is what I plan to do for my gd.. however, such trips can be a financial burden.

I wish you luck... Gram
stimpy
stimpy
Thank you for your reply Gram. Yes he has been to Israel before, with the birthright program. What it is is, If you are Jewish, (his father is, I'm not) Israel will provide cheap schooling, help with living expenses to become an Israeli citizen, because they want educated pro-israeli people. He loves Israel, but he would have to make a 3-year committment to stay, and join the military for 6 months. This is what scares me, because I don't think he would be able to cope. I don't know. I am sick to my stomach. Last night, I told him to ask God for help and to pray, but he says he doesn't believe in God. And I said that is one of his problems. So I told him I loved him and rubbed his back and told him it was going to get better and I am praying. I had a MAJOR ANXIETY ATTACK LAST NIGHT COULDN'T SLEEP. Had to take a xanax. I am worried that I cannot cope with helping him. I need to be strong, but I am now starting to get anxiety and depression, cuz I am not making a difference for him. My daughter went to Japan in 10th grade - she LOVED IT. Your grandaughter probably will love it to. Thanx so much for your reply. I am taking it one minute at a time. Thanks so much.
stimpy
stimpy
Oh yeah, and to SigS, that is one of my plans, but what if he is in the military, and he starts feeling he cannot cope, what am I too do? I can't just write him a note to have them send him home. I know he is smart and capable. But he needs to have a scapegoat just in case. It is so hard as a mother, I cannot stand him being in any kind of discomfort or pain. I sit and WORRY about him while he is in a foreign country. Egads, motherhood!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your faith in God will protect him until it is time for God to choose him to go home.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you worry, you are not faithful enough.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The B.A. in Psychology focuses more on the social aspects of the study of human behavior and psychological function
deleted_user
deleted_user
If his life will not be perfect, well it's ok.
I know you have plans for him and you want him to live a normal life.And that makes you a good mother.
But sometimes, there are irreversible circumstances in life that we cannot stop nor change.
If this is his life then let it be. He's not a child anymore.
If he wants to go to Israel then let him decide for himself. Eventually, when things go wrong, he will return to you. Don't be afraid if he makes some mistakes in his life, because through it, he will learn new lessons and wisdom. If going to Israel will make him the happiest man in the world, then let him go and do the things that would make him a happy man.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah, look...he's going to find out in short order just what he can and can't do. There are criteria he must meet, evaluations he must pass.... If you can see it, trust me, you won't be the only one. And if what you fear comes to pass, he may take it better coming from someone other than his mother. Try not to worry and just be there for him when and if he needs it.
stimpy
stimpy
Thank you all very much, I CANNOT tell you how hearing these opinions have helped me. I took him to a neurologist today, he saw her, he WOULD NOT let me go in with him. So the doctor wouldn't let me explain. She said he was competent. So o.k. She gave him lamictal, mood stabilizer, 1 a day for two weeks, then 2 a day for 2 weeks, and it should be about two months before it really starts to kick in. Oh Holy Jesus, I hope it helps just take the edge off. I know psych meds aren't the answer. I am going to let go. I am going to let him go to Israel and do his thing. He has to live life on his own terms. God, though, I worry, but I am going to stop. All I can think of them getting him up at 5:00 in the a.m. to do jumping jacks or something and his shoelace will be untied!, and as it is now he sleeps in until 2-3 and stays up all night. ALWAYS losing things. But he will learn, right? And if he needs to, he can come back home, right? Sweet Jesus I pray for protection over him. Let God's will be done. 6 months in a foreign military, egads! Thanks everyone I think I will sleep better tonight.