Hi everyone...it's been a while since I've posted on here. For a long time I was without a job because of anxiety. My doc had me on meds that actually seemed to be working, and I seemed to get pretty balanced for a while. Then I got a new job! I really thought this one would be different, but I'm finding myself in those same familiar work relationships that repel me from even wanting to be there. It always seems like I have one of those bosses or someone that has the rule over me, who detects my timid nature and begans using me as a door mat to make themselves feel more empowered. I hate these people. I personally am someone that is very serious about performance....and you'd think that would be enough for my task masters, but no, they're such ego-maniacs, they're not happy until they've drained every last drop of life out of you. This is THEIR problem............now for mine. I tend to be someone, as I said, who's timid, because I fear unleashing my aggression. This in itself promotes a great deal of anxiety. I find myself (everyday) dredding work. They pull me from one job to the next and all the changes in it'self causes me to be on edge, but then to have someone breathing down your neck and second guessing your every move is tough. I can't quit another job. I've been through this more time than I'm like to say, but I feel like a caged animal, backed into a corner and all I can think of is getting free. I cry on the way to work,; and I cry on the way home. I spend alot of time thinking of calling in, walking off the job. I feel like a animal in a trap that would chew his own foot off to get away. I shake constantly and pore with sweat at work. My stress level is through the roof. My blood preasure is running high, and because I have had to go home a couple of days from feeling sick and weak, I'm getting little jabs from the boss about everybody's sick and wants to go home. I don't know what to do. I'm eating clanazopam like candy and it works but makes me sleepy and out of it. I guess I'm just complaning, because there's really nothing that can be done about it. I'm just so tired of this same cycle, over and over. This could be me and 10 other jobs (and people).
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