Having one spouse is just a cultural thinking. Some cultures is ok to have more then one spouse. In america many people have more then one lover. If you are not ok with that, you might want to find someone loyal.

Thank you for your response. It isnt my current husband who cheated. It was a previous person. My anxiety is related to friends not being honest, loyal and standing up for me. Since, I have found new friends, but the anxiety persists.

Here's the thing about the past. Let it go. In your move forward, keep it simple with those who you do not trust, use words that are polite, smile, and move on. If you react with kindness, gentleness, and enjoy the adventure for now with what happens, and keep your thoughts positive, you'll do fine. It happened. All you can do now is change how you react around those feelings. They are in the past, not right now. Be kind to your self.
Best wishes.

Try to let go or the past and lose up but don't allow yourself to be played again

Thank you all for your advice. It was incredibly helpful. I did remove myself from that circle of friends some time ago. I absolutely appreciate your advice;I took it decided to change my behavior and went out rather than staying in and it felt like a release, a step forward. And your right, that previous experience taught me what to look out for and what to look for in new friends, and that is empowering. I am thankful for this support group and your time.

I used to feel similar, not from cheating but general betrayal. I overcame that fear by guess what? Not trusting people! I know it sounds weird! I learned not to be afraid of socializing. I make acquaintances and study them. I learn peoples motives through experience. It doesn't work 100% of the time but I decided it was better to let myself be betrayed 1% of the time rather than have no friends and walk in fear. I also learned to forgive. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone lies. Sometimes people do things that hurt us but a lot of times that isn't the intention. That's what I look at; intent.

I think the question is, what's the big deal about being betrayed? I know our western culture makes an enormous issue out of it, but is there really one there?

I mean, if a tree falls in a forest and you're not there to see it fall, do you care if it squashed a chipmunk?

Okay you care. Bad example. But really: if your husband cheats and you never find out, did he cheat? Your world only exists from your own perspective. If something happens 'offstage', does it really happen? Does it matter if it happens?

Nobody is going to tell you when your husband is cheating. It's not a thing. Nobody does it. Nobody ever will. Those that do it, only do it once. That's because it's treated usually with disbelief and backlash. Some things we are left to find out ourselves, and that's one of them. If we never find out? Well and good. If we do find out? We have privacy!

Privacy is important! If you choose to continue with the cheater, you need your privacy. If you choose to dump the cheater, you need your privacy. And if the cheater decides to run off with that 19yr old student then you especially need your privacy.

So other women just won't cross that great divide. It's just not human nature. So you are hurt by a happening that could never have been any other way. And that is a hiding to nowhere. :)

Sorry. I don't mean to be mean. But I've been a bit bashed around by life myself and I have changed my expectations. So long as I have a job, a roof over my head, my cats are well and there's food in the fridge, I'm actually happy. I'm single, of course, but that just makes me happier. There is no reason for insecurity. No reason for fear.

When you find a way to live without insecurity you are very careful about bringing stuff back into your life that will destabilise that hard-won strength. i think you may have moved too fast for yourself, so the ground beneath you moves and destabilises.

Nod and smile at the other women. Learn the names of their children. As them how their mothers are doing. Chat about family. It's safe. When they get to know you, it will become secure for you to talk about more things. It just takes its own time.

Thank you for your replies everyone. I want to stress that it is important to really pay attention to the details of each persons' post. As I expressed that I was cheated on in a previous relationship. The trust issue does not exist in my relationship with my husband, but with close friendships. When you dont read a person's post with attention to the details it is possible you may give advice that is mis-directed. Also I think it can be helpful to read the full thread with each persons response and to be positive with each other. That's why we are here right? To be aware, present and a positive support. Have a great weekend!