Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My husband talked to the neighbors about their loud parties, so what do they do? They have the loudest party yet. We finally called the cops last night and just like that it was perfectly quiet next door.
It's the next day and I'm still upset. I am anxious, angry, and a little afraid. Anxious that we will have to keep calling the cops or complain to the housing office on base (we and they are both US military) or even to the guy's unit. On the one hand, it is comforting to know that there are a lot of steps we can take. On the other, I hate conflict and I hate having to go down this road. This is my home, my sanctuary in another country and now it is being violated.
I find that I just can't deal with being angry about other people, especially strangers. The anger makes me feel like I'm boxed in and my skin is on fire. I don't know what to do with the feelings and I just want to feel relieved of them. Anger is the one emotion that I am most afraid of.
I realized that maybe this is connected to childhood memories of my mother. When she was younger, she had a bad temper and I have a few memories of her going off on other people, once after getting into an accident and another time when this guy kept parking in my dad's spot. She was always within her rights and it wasn't a frequent occurrence, but I just remember feeling helpless, anxious, and afraid. The feeling destroyed my bubble of security and I felt like everything was ruined. I was afraid for my mom and what the world was going to do to her. And I would just feel bad, bad, bad.
How do you deal with anger, when it ruins your day and any sense of stability and peace?
It's the next day and I'm still upset. I am anxious, angry, and a little afraid. Anxious that we will have to keep calling the cops or complain to the housing office on base (we and they are both US military) or even to the guy's unit. On the one hand, it is comforting to know that there are a lot of steps we can take. On the other, I hate conflict and I hate having to go down this road. This is my home, my sanctuary in another country and now it is being violated.
I find that I just can't deal with being angry about other people, especially strangers. The anger makes me feel like I'm boxed in and my skin is on fire. I don't know what to do with the feelings and I just want to feel relieved of them. Anger is the one emotion that I am most afraid of.
I realized that maybe this is connected to childhood memories of my mother. When she was younger, she had a bad temper and I have a few memories of her going off on other people, once after getting into an accident and another time when this guy kept parking in my dad's spot. She was always within her rights and it wasn't a frequent occurrence, but I just remember feeling helpless, anxious, and afraid. The feeling destroyed my bubble of security and I felt like everything was ruined. I was afraid for my mom and what the world was going to do to her. And I would just feel bad, bad, bad.
How do you deal with anger, when it ruins your day and any sense of stability and peace?
I think it's great that you put it together and realize that your fear of it is coming from your childhood. Any time we are triggered it is about our unprocessed emotions. Now that you know where this is coming from you CAN do something about it. What you can do is process it. First, you need to get in touch with our own feelings. Chances are you feel hurt and angry about what your mother put you through with her own anger. In order to process these emotions you need to get it out by crying, yelling, screaming, punching pillows... whatever it takes for you to process your old feelings. The fear you are feeling is just the feeling that covers up all the other feelings. Tap into them and process them and you will heal the fear.
I work with my inner children. Right now I am working with opposing forces. My 8 year old is terrified of my brothers anger and my 12 year old is angry that everyone took their anger out on her. I can't work with the 12 year old until I resolve the terror felt by my 8 year old. So right now I am working with my 8 year old to show her that my brother will never hurt her again and to show her that we don't live with him any more. I hold her and protect her when she is scared and prove to her that I won't let my brother hurt us any more. I have used this method of healing with the 16 child parts I had and I only have these 2 who have not healed yet. If you can get in touch with that little girl who is so afraid let her know that she is now safe and that you love her. Give her a hug and show her that she is now safe. In time, she will believe you and will not be so afraid. And all the anger around you will not have the same impact. I promise.
I hope this helps.
Take Care
If i have said anything to offend you Canaan I do apologize.
Thank you for the luck. Its a very intense program.
It took a lot of therapy and learning that I am now an adult and to "stand up and own my power."
I still hate confrontation.....still try not to rock the boat.
It needs constant work, but can send me reeling if caught off guard.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Now breathe....lol.
@LuckyEmpath, I've never really done inner child work, but it does seem like it might help. After years of therapy, I'm actually quite good at unearthing the causes of my problems, but I don't really know what to do to heal the wounds and move on. Rather, I tend to just go over the same ground over and over.
The thing about my mom, was new, though. I hadn't thought about it for many years, but I started getting allergy shots recently and I noticed that every time I would drive over to get one, my mood was terrible. I was fearful, anxious, and depressed. I was writing down all my thoughts and realized I was really afraid of getting in an accident. That's when the memory of my mom came up. One of the incidents where she confronted someone angrily was after a fender bender on the way to taking me to get an allergy shot. It all came up again because I was getting the allergy shots again for the first time since I was a kid. I was really stunned by the realization.
I have always known I had a difficult time with my father's anger, but not my mom's. What it comes down to is that my family didn't have a healthy relationship with anger. My dad was a very angry and depressed person for many years. Even now I feel very tense around my parents, even when things are just fine.
When anger seems like something dangerous or toxic, we learned to avoid it at all costs. I would like to have a healthier process - I get angry and then let it go, instead of burying it and letting it fester.