I think it is either a nervous habbit or she is trying to comfort herself. I used to do the same thing. Get something to keep her hands busy. Teach her to knit or something like that. I have found that chewing gum also helps. It is a distraction.

My first suggestion is if it is anxiety that is causing this habit, please do not refer to it as ugly or disgusting to her. That will just increase her anxiety. Focus instead on what you can do to help her overcome her anxiety, so she no longer needs this comfort.

As her anxiety goes down I am sure her habit will go down. If she is gong to therapy/or taking meds, that is all you can do. She is 18 and will have to figure this out on her own. Your job now is just to be there, not fix her.

It's not a good idea to refer to it as a ugly habit; try calling it a nervous habit. I used to chew on pens when I was anxious. I ruined hundreds of pens. Now, I chew gum. When I'm not anxious, I don't even chew gum. Hopefully, as her anxiety decreases, so will this nervous habit.

Yet, you may want to help her find other comforting habits to replace the one that she currently uses. When I'm anxious, I like to play and fiddle with things. Half of the time, I don't even know that I'm doing it. I'll play with the band on my watch, or fiddle with my ring, or play with the strings on my hoody. I have casino quality dice and I'll take a die and spin it between my thumb and index fingers. You can pretty much give me anything when I'm nervous, and I'll play and fiddle with it. I think that it's much better than chewing on pens.

i did this as a kid-not to diagnose someone i don't know but some teen-agers display symptoms of borderline personality disorder-anger that seems to be over nothing, picking at their skin, and some even get to the point of cutting themselves-they really are signs of poor emotion regulation-there are many web sites you can go to to see if they fit your child-some websites are talking mostly about adult bpd and you may find them scary-accurate info on this can be hard to find-many times kids grow out of these types of behavior-if you haven't already taken her to a therapist you might want to think about it-as you will see if you look at some of the cites if the feelings behind the behaviors aren't dealt with things can get much worse as a person gets older-it is just a matter of learning to deal with emotions in a way that they do not get so intense and learning to cope in appropriate ways if they do get intense-this may not be the problem at all but it should be looked into in case it is

I do this because my lips are chapped (the meds dry me out) and the flakes of rough, dead skin feel disgusting to me. I use chapstick but it doesn't help.

Skin picking is a kind of ocd behavior. The proper name for it is *Dermatillomania*. I know because I have this problem myself, however over time have learned ways to curtail it and am doing well right now.

www.stoppickingonme.com is a very informative website that offers help for sufferers and also information for anyone else who may want to know what the deal is. Spouses, partners, friends who knows someone and sees someone picking all the time.
yes it can be really gross and off putting to the viewer of someone who is picking.
And there are people there who have the lip picking problem. So You may want to check the website out, because then you will know how anxiety can be the root of this ocd behavior.

Some people can really skin pick so deep and cause bleeding and scarring. I have done this myself. It is definitely an anxiety related disorder and a very painful and shameful one for people who have it. It is not a common one that people talk about.

If your D is not aware that she has a problem, then it may be more difficult to get across to her. Hopefully it could be just a temporary habit and is not a major problem, but if you notice that she picks until her lips bleed and her lips are red and sore looking, then you will know that she has a deeper problem.

You could always ask and say hey hon I noticed you are picking at your lips, are they ok, do you want some chap stick? you could say, hey my lips are dry too, you want some chap stick? I don't think that is rude, but it may still embarrass her that you caught her out on it. I don't know. I think it may be a tough thing to approach.

But things that have helped me:-
Koosh balls, those fun balls with the elastic noodles on it, I pull on those and squeeze the ball each time I catch myself picking.
I asked my husband to also give me a look, it is ok because I asked for his help. It annoys the heck out of him when he sees me picking and it bothers me now that it bothers him.

so if you can somehow approach this subject oh so delicately with your D, not in an attacking way but in a way that you are concerned that her lips may get really sore if she continues to pick them.

I use neosporin or some kind of moisturizer on dry skin areas, in this case the lips will need chap stick or vaseline, because dry skin is basically an invitation for a skin picker.

i wish you well and hope that things can get resolved.

I just wanted to clarify something. Skin picking is a normal thing, it is an instinctive thing in all of us, we all do it, we may see a skin flake or pick at a scab, but then it's done and over with. It's grooming, like primates do. they pick and groom.

* Dermatillomania* is obsessive skin picking, it's going beyond what is to be considered 'normal'. It's Where a sufferer finds it difficult to control and will pick and pick for hours at a time. They may try and stop but keep going back to the same place over and over again.

I do that too. I've done it all my life. If it's not my lip or the inside of my mouth, its my cuticles. I've picked them until they bleed and then it hurts and is sore for days. I often ball up my hands because I'm ashamed of them. I'm a very analytical person and I think that has something to do with it. It's disgusting and I've been able to stop for short periods, but I always do it. I tried cigarettes for a while but didn't find them addictive at all, nothing like this. I think I do it because I can't just sit still and do nothing, I always need to be fidgeting. I hope that gives you some insight into what might be going through your D's mind.