I have had these thoughts when my anxiety/depression is at it's worst. It's generally from my catastrophic thinking that takes me to the worst case scenerios-usually ending with the loss of a loved one. I have also thought of myself in these ways too and like you have worried about people admitting me to a hospital. But you know, I do tell my doctors and I highly recommend you do too. They are there to help and generally I have found that having these feelings are not that unusual, the question is would you act on them. If so, then immediatly get help. Call your doctor, call a crises line, but do something. These dark thoughts are for me, very upsetting and I understand why it bothers you too. I am currently in therepy and meds which do seem to help. Just wanted you to know, you are not alone.

Thank you - I know I would never act on them I think that is why the anxiety is so high sometimes because I feel at odds with myself. So so frustrating.

yes i have had this before mainly about my husband dying, i used to imagine what he would look like when he was dead etc. I used to think i was going to find him dead next to me in the mornings, I planned his funeral in my head also. I spent one day picking songs for my own funeral...i am 39 lol. I did put alot of this down to my job as a carer and seeing alot of dead people, and the fact that i found my dad dead 3 yrs ago. But i have always had some anxiety issues as long as i can remember. I now panic about my own health, thinking i am dying all the time, Its terrible sometimes.

these are just signs that you are too isolated, too run down, and need to make many positive, practical changes in your life to get back up to speed.

you are completely normal. what you are experiencing can happen to anyone who gets knocked down by life.

hey i originally posted this to a girl who was afraid she may be going crazy b/c of the thoughts she has. hope it helps.

yes. tons of people have dealt with this. i felt just like you about 2 years ago at the worst and until recently very slightly. my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic and i was so obsessed that i might develop it too.
it is important to know that you don't have to believe every thought you have (these are dr. daniel amen of the amen brain research clinic's, words). believe it or not, sane people think disturbing and twisted things every day. people have about 50,000 thoughts per day. all a thought is is an electrical impulse in the brain. you think that if people knew the things you think in your mind then they would want you to be committed but they are in the same boat.

i'd hate to share something like this but i am hoping it will help you. i have thought many many disturbing things. two years ago, i was very anxious and depressed and addicted to marijuana. one day i was smoking a joint with my boyfriend and his dad and his dad talked about how he accidentally popped his sister's eye out with a broom handle (i am sure it was a lie but anyway). later on the thought and image popped into my head. then the thought "what if i popped my own eye out?" came into my mind. i immediately panicked. i thought to myself "normal people do not think things like this!" i was so scared that i might be becoming schizo like my mom that i admitted myself to the psych ward. (the fact that i was wicked stoned probably contributed to my poor judgment.) so there i was, in the psych ward for 3 days and not being able to get out b/c i had willingly signed myself in.
when i told the doc that i had had that crazy thought he said, "people think things like that every single day but they don't react to it like you did. as a matter of fact, just this morning my wife was sitting there with her coffee, lifting it to her lips and i thought 'i could smash that cup into her face.' just b/c i had that thought doesn't mean i don't love my wife or that i want to be violent. it is just a thought. just b/c you think it, doesn't mean its true." then he told me that people who are going insane never suspect that they may be and are never afraid of it b/c they have an impaired grip on reality.

dr. daniel amen said in a show the other day that he saw a man in the grocery store holding a big pile of boxes and the image of him tripping the guy and all the boxes flying popped into his head. he said that people have a prefrontal cortex(the front of the brain) that keeps them from acting on any of these thoughts or impulses. only sociopaths have nonfunctional prefrontal cortexes and they would never be distressed about any thoughts like you are. dr. deepak chopra said that the deep fear that a person may be insane is "the surest sign that he is not."
here is a link where another doctor insists that we will not and cannot go crazy from anxiety.

http://www.anxietynetwork.com/pdfe...

after i left the hospital, i was so incredibly depressed and anxious. none of the reassurances from the doctor helped me at the time. i was still very afraid of becoming schizo like my mom. every time i heard the word on tv or anywhere else, my heart would skip a beat. if i was discussing my anxiety with someone and they said "maybe you're.." i half-expected them to say schizo. i lost many good months (at least 1 1/2 years) from my life over this fear and this fear will never ever come true for you or me. please just let it go. here's a simple exercise that i hope will help you.

thought: what if i am crazy? or what if i go crazy?

q:is this true?
a:based on facts, this will never be true. it is impossible to develop insanity of any type as a result of anxiety. no matter how much you fear it, it will never happen.

q:how do i feel when i think this about myself?
a:i feel panicky, alone, scared, uncomfortable in my own skin, helpless, useless, hopeless, etc.

q:how would i feel if i didn't have this intrusive thought in my life?
a.since it is impossible for this to ever happen, if i were able to let it go i would feel much more comfortable and well-equipped to handle my anxiety. i would be on the road to health and happiness b/c i would regain a ton of lost confidence.

a few parting thoughts, these are some things that i have thought. i am not 100% comfortable sharing them but i hope it makes you feel better.
i have thought:
what if i killed my pet rabbit one day (outlandish. i am a huge animal rights activist)
what if i hit jeremy(my boyfriend)
what if i said the "n" word to someone?(i was afraid of that a lot when i worked at shaw's)
what if i jumped out a window or ran in front of traffic?
what if i were talking to someone and their face got distorted and it was cuz i went crazy or what if all of a sudden i just started screaming and acting crazy and had to get institutionalized.
what if i lashed out violently at a customer?
what if i smashed a cake my boss made?

one day when i was super distressed over how disturbing i thought my thoughts were i broke down and told my boyfriend. i was distressed at the time b/c i had been brushing my rabbit and someone commented on how tiny her necks is and the image of me snapping her neck popped into my mind and completely freaked me out. so i told him that i had thought that and he said"is that it?" and i was shocked. i said "is that it? i thought about killing harriet!" and he said"no you had the thought of breaking her neck. that's way different. if you wanted to kill her then that would be messed up but people think shit like that all the time.wanting to do something and thinking something are way different." then he told me about how he was holding a bundle of cable and walking behind a customer and had the image of him strangling the guy but let it roll off his chest b/c thoughts are just thoughts.

well, i hope you're a fast reader. i just wanted to alleviate you of some of the pain i felt when i used to feel the exact same way as you. there is no reason to feel so distressed about it b/c its perfectly normal (at the worst, its a little exaggerated b/c you lack the confidence in yourself that non-anxious people have). the more you focus on this fear that will never happen, the longer it will take for you to recover. things will def get better (i am probably 90% cured as of now and never thought i would come so far). i really hope i helped you. please just let it go.
(btw, i am a 21 y.o. female)
chiari "

Thank you Vonny, faithful and iloverabbits for your responses. The all are very helpful. I'm keepin the faith and trying to look for the humor in everyday life. I appreciate it muchly!

listen to some peaceful music and think about peace..serenity. helps me

Hi nik - thanks for the reply. I have been trying that at night and writing at the same time in bed. Normally reading helps but the book I'm reading right now is a very tough read.. so I'll write my own in the meantime ha.

Thanks again. :)

awesomez!

Hi Art welcome to where People care and dont judge here

however i have to admitte 14 yrs ago i was in the same boat with the thoughts ect: and your train of thought right now is on the right path to beat down this crap " WE" all here suffer from your off to a good start with your positive attitude and im sure your Dr will tell you the same thing
my way to beat it along with taking some meds at one Point was 1 hour at a time each day and staying positive is where i found my way

I get thoughts like these too. My wort fear is that i will become schizophrenic. It doesnt run in my family or anything but...i'm just expecting any day to hear voices and start hallucinating. It really sucks.

The fact that you are reminded of death and destruction is perfectly normal when it comes to depression.So ur not crazy or anything But In time, they will go away. just stay positive! Dont give in and dont get scared from any of ur thoughts. The mind is a powerful thing. Be Strong!

:)

sometimes it's just so hard - yesterday was so good and the first part of today was good - this just sucks i hate it - it's like a light switch sometimes. You know? Just on and off and I can't control that switch or at least times I feel like I can't. Other times I do.