Go ahead I'm listening from a grandparents perspective.

alright. well about a year or so ago i was sexually abused by my "best friend" he knew everything about me and we were both able to trust each other. i mean we were best friends. one night he had a bonfire and i went to the bathroom and when i tried to come out he pushed me back in and did what he did. ever since then i havent been able to trust anyone. i dont have very many friends due to this and recently i have been getting flashbacks and feeling really insecure again. i dont really know how to handle it.

Ok parents are first to tell of your mental state. They need to have you getting special medical and psychological psychiatric support immediately. Deep trauma for you, may The Lord send his angels to watch over you. I am learning as things progress with the judicial system grinding ever so slowly on abuser of my 11 yr old granddaughter. Sadly yours and hers thebdamage is done but please talk to parents doctor whoever to get the help you need.

I am so sorry you have gone through this. You want to talk to people about this, which is very healthy to do! Situations like this can have lingering impacts if not addressed. It is important to talk to people who will give you wise guidance and care for you. Have you told your parents? A counselor? A pastor? Any or all of these people generally are good supports and can help you navigate through this, especially if you are continuing to see this person who you describe as your "best friend". It is on my heart to tell you that you are not to blame for this. Physical, nor verbal, abuse is unacceptable. Praying for you to continue to reach out for help and know that there are people you can trust.

I had a similar situation, always know your not at fault ever. I'm sorry that happened to you. People who do that are sick in the head and need serious help. I hope you find peace and can eventually move forward. Feel free to send me a message or whatever you comfortable with and I will try my best to help you

Now: don't be mad at me, I speak as a survivor myself, so I'm not being a giant asshole.

But the truth is, occasionally there is confusion about what is 'hot sex' and what is rape. It's really hard, on everyone concerned, and I think comes from the whole accessibility of pornography in all sorts of types and styles. So someone who thinks they're having hot mad passionate love with you and that everyone's having a good time, can be hideously hideously hideously wrong.

We need to know the level of this guy's intent, in order to help you with the PTSD.

I found for me, identifying what I could have done to stop it released anxiety. Identifying what I could do in future released anxiety. And to just live out the rest of the anxiety (because a shock does take its toll on your body and there's nothing your mind can do with that body shock.) until it slowly, slowly, evaporates into angry rants alone in the car, or crying at 3am in bed, or whatever that slowly over time releases it.

As to what legal measures you take: that is entirely your choice. Remember you have lost power here, and you have a right to regain power. And when you have power: you have the right to use it or not. You don't have to do what you are told. You can find your own way through this. Others call the cops. I did not. I made my own choice, and I think I made the right choice in the circumstances. There can be ambiguity. People who are not passive don't realise others can be passive. People who are not threatening can fail to realise others are threatened. Power is power perceived not power intended. And so there is room sometimes for two stories to be true.

I say all this above because he was a friend. And friends can be profound idiots, but it's VERY hard to believe he would as a friend fling you into the loos and rape you violently, without either
(a) having serious mental problems? psychosis? or
(b) someone fed him some freaky pills?
(c) thinking it wasn't rape (see above for mental problems?) and thinking he's having hot steamy omgcantkeepmyhandsoffyouonemomentlonger type rampant sex in the loo with you.

I think the questions have to be:
(a) what did you do at the time, and do you feel you made it clear that this was rape to him at the time? Like, it got through to him? This is for the sake of understanding his intent not because there's any moral burden on you to do so.
(b) how did he relate to you afterwards? How did you relate to him? He was your best friend. What happened to that?

Had you ever had sex before? Did he have any reason to believe that a quickie in the loo was a thing he was at liberty to do?

And has either of you talked to the other about what happened, since then?

Now: I'm not saying I don't believe you here. I do. I'm saying it seems crazy that he did this, so maybe there's some random explanation that can make sense of it all.

When you can make sense of it all inside yourself, your mind can rest. When we understand fully, we're released from it. Weird but true. So we have to figure it out like a mystery, because it just doesn't make sense right now.