I realized this morning that the minute I feel even relatively alone I go crawling to my boyfriend. I absolutely hate this.. He and I are on a break. Theres some extremely difficult things we are both dealing with individually and we are both completely and utterly stress cases right now. My anxiety has been getting out of control and I usually rely on him to make me feel like everything is going to be okay.. 

For the last two weeks that we have been on a break i've seen him maybe 3 times and I know this is good for me to be able to kind of learn independency.. Last night was the first night I didnt hang out with anyone. I laid and watched movies on netflix, snuggled my dogs, and messaged my best friend.. I wasn't in a good place yesterday and as soon as I kinda took some time to myself I found myself messaging him.. We talked for a few hours and the conversation went really well i'm just feeling extremely guilty. 

I know he needs some space to be able to sleep, not have any more stress put on him and to figure things out with his career and family.. Why am I not giving him that.. 

The back of my mind is always telling me the more space I give him the more chances I have to lose him.. I dont believe thats the case but my brain wont stop telling me that. Im just so used to living with him and seeing him every day that this is a huge change of pace.. This makes me feel helpless and desperate.

Yesterday he said he couldn't wait to see me this weekend and that he missed me. He's going to spend the weekend at my house just so we can have some time together. I just need to figure out how to learn to not rely on him always being there.. How do I learn to be content by myself..  Please help..