Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Problems with a friend.

Monnie45
Monnie45
Hi, just wanted some advice. Several months ago I got a very strange e-mail from a friend, a relatively close friend. We have known each other for about 40 years. Basically the e-mai said that we were both different and we need to go our seperate ways. I was puzz;ed/ I dod respond and told her that our differences were what I like about her and her friendship was valuable to me and suggested we talk about it. We did, the strange thing is that she brought up things that happened years ago. Well, since than I have been to her house and gone out to lunch with her. Things seemed to be OK. A couple of weeks ago, i called her and arranged to meet at a restaurant to celebrate her birthdday. Well, a week before I got an e-mail telling me she is canceling the lunch and do not e-mail or call her. I did respond despite what she said and told her that my friendship with her is valuable and that I loved her (like a sister). When I have told people about this they have all responded that this is a problem that she is having. The only thing I could think of that I did was forget to actually call her on her actual birthday, felt bad about it and apologizxed but I had acknowledged her birthday.by making the lunch arrangement which would have been my treat. I am really worried about her and think that she is having a problem and for some reason doesn't want me involved. By the way, don't know if this is sigtnificant but her mother had alzheimers and cannol help but wonder if this anger is a biggining sign. Any suggestions. I have contacted a mutual friend but she has not responded and suspect she doesn't want to become involved.
gramybear
gramybear
The first part of your post sounds oh so familiar. I have a friend who I stopped seeing for a long time because she was doing so very odd things, including what you had mentioned. Bringing up things that had happened way back when. What is the point of that? I know she means a lot to you but it sounds like you are having to work harder than a friend should have to in order to keep the friendship. If she were my friend, I would be waiting to see if she calls me and if she didn't, well, that would be my cue that the friendship is over. I don't know what else you can possibly do that you haven't already. I took my friend back into my life after posting in my journal that the friendship got so bad that she felt the need to stalk me. Long story, but sometimes we just have to cut a friend loose. No-one can say it's easy. Hugs GB
Monnie45
Monnie45
Thanks, you are not the first to tell me that.
Calebb
Calebb
I was starting to have a panic attack last year and a certain friend (not close friend) stopped me as I was walking and wanted to talk.

I was headed for the ER as I remember. Well this 'friend' wouldn't take no for an anwer. I was not about to tell here I had an impending panic attack -- she probably would wanted to know all about it. What started it, how does it feel, yada yada.

She had closed in on me wanting 5 minutes of interaction, and when something started getting in the way she just grasped all the tighter.

When someone says I can't interact w U right now
(or can't interact & communicate this season), a person who wants that someone's good and well-being, ought to be able to let go. For short term of longer term.
/ There are ppl I liked (and I admit these were not closer friends, like in your case) whom a grew away from. Somewhat. And it was not my idea. --I'd rather keep a bit of contact /as compared to losing them totally.

Obviously your friend is having problems. Try to co-operate and make her burdens less. Even if her thoughts right now are that *you* are at times one of the burdens.

We'd probably wager this is happening other places in her life. Maybe not as obviously -- ppl elsewhere are little noticing. However, that it is everywhere *she* is noticing.

She has asked for more space, you replied that you wished for things to remain the same -- you've made it clear. IMHO you could now wait to see what the course of things will be.

Imagine a young, engaged couple. One, "I need a bit more space for awhile." The other, "Ooh, [excitedly], we need to talk."
/ Well obviously this second one is not getting the message. Can't she/he just take a vacation? Can't she/he just take a vacation and see what happens after returning?

cheers, . . . I'd better get some work done, good luck with that
. . . :(
meandmydog
meandmydog
I too just lost a close friend 20yrs it's sad but sometimes you just have to walk away for your own good .....when you have anxiety/depression you need people in your life that support you and try to make you feel good not people who remind you of crappy things you may have done in the past . good luck Monnie ton's of hugs
jaellynn
jaellynn
Monnie45, A friend that you have had for that long is not easy to come by. I don't agree with "maybe it's time to let them go" route, its too easy to just walk away from things when they get a little hard. And if you value her and it isn't hurting your mental health or well-being to try to mend things at this point, then I agree with what I think Calebb is saying which is that if she is saying these things and it seems sudden and baseless, and you told her how you feel, let her know you are there if she wants to talk and then wait. That is hard to do, but if you value her friendship, continuing to send only positive affirming messages and staying away as she requests seems like the only thing you can do.
Calebb
Calebb
Yes to Jaellynn's post. And she has taken it a step further than my thinking had been.
/ I said here that you made your side of things known and now Monnie you should just wait and be ready to take back.
/ However the comment just now (Reply #5) says make it plain that you'll be there if Friend wants, again, to talk.

Or again wants to get together.

Not "just wait," but _wait in a way that is clearly understanding_

She is having a hard time.
( , that is.) , . . . . sorry for not being more clear