Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Please help..<3

TravelQueen86
TravelQueen86

Hi Guys, my brain is on overload right now.. i will try to make this as brief as possible..



To make a long story short, I borrowed one of my dad's laptops and went to Youtube.. that's when I saw it. My dad subscribyed to this channel that had little girls on it, barely covered... I feel like throwing up right now. He also watched several other videos of little girls dancing, in the bathtub (thankfully couldn't see anything).



My dad was accused of touching a girl at their daycare like 15 years ago.. at the time, I was 16 and was devestated. My sister was 7. I was led to believe he was falsely accused.. for years and years i thought he was innocent.. i mean, my family all thought he was.. it took a while but now that i am older i am starting to understand things more clearer. See my dad was my whole life as a child... i loved him dearly so when everything happened, my whole life was turned upside down.. my family's life was also turned upside down..



Years down the road I found out by my cousin he touched her too. I didn't want to believe it. I still don't want to. My mom, my sister, grandmother and others think he is innocent... they alll believe these girls are making this up. Why would a child make it up? Why would two?


Anyways... I am almost 31 now and my life has not been the same since this whole ordeal. I try to pretend my dad isn't a pedophile... he never wants to admit it...my mom is still with him as she is in complete denial.


I feel alone guys. I've been trying to have a relationship with my father but honestly he makes me uncomfortable.. I feel like I go to their home to see my mom, my sister and my grandmother (they all live there with my dad). I mean, a part of me trys to think he is innocent and when i do i feel like it's nice to sort of have my dad back then i find what he's been watching and it makes me sick to my stomach..



I have a almost 12 yr old boy. Unfortunately, he has a relationship with his grandfather. Not the best relationship which is for the best anyways.. i don't leave him alone with him.



I know i am rambling and maybe not making sense but I'm venting. Has anyone experienced anything like this too? I am so tired of this trauma running my life.



Thanks for reading this.

Carolin57
Carolin57
I am glad you won't leave your 12 year old boy alone with him. I am sorry to have to say it but your dad is a paedophile. My dad is a paedophile and to keep all the children safe in the family I went to the authorities. Strongly worded letters were sent to each adult family member to supervise their children in his company. But I come from a family of deniers, little changed but at least I slept at night knowing I had highlighted the problem. I then kept my daughter away from her grand parents completely, She doesn't know them and doesn't miss them.
cachetteen1
cachetteen1
Im so sorry, one of my close friends step father would touch her- I think from 6-13yrs old, she knew no one would believe her, she has 2 half sisters/ daughters of the step father, that he supposedly didn't touch, she would go willingly as she was the oldest and wanted to protect her younger sisters. Presently, all the girls have grown up and have children of their own- granddaughters to this pedophile- she believes he has done the same with one of them/ teenager now- who lived with the mother in downstairs apt of the same house- however, when I told her to speak with her (her niece) she 'couldnt' because if she comes 'out' then it will kill her mother etc. The most important thing to understand is lets call my friend 'Mary', that he is not a Mary-molester he is a child molester, he may have been molested, he may have done things when he was a teen to his little cousins or whatever- its a mis wiring of the brain- there is no cure, in fact both he and your dad belong in jail. Chances are if he is looking this stuff up on the computer he is being tracked. I know u want to pretend everything is ok, and your dad is normal, but the reality is he is not. I hope u do not have any other children relatives that are exposed to him, and his 'sickness' is limited to the computer. The best thing u can do is show your Mom whats on the computer, don't even tell her, just tell her u have to show her something urgent- if your husband was doing that wouldn't u want to know? Its much that she hear it from YOU then the risk of finding out otherwise. For every 1 child that came forward there are a handful that did not, so he has more than 2 victims out there, u maybe able to prevent someone else.
TravelQueen86
TravelQueen86
thank you for the replies..

yeah my mom knows and she is in complete denial...just like the last 15 years.

I feel like a horrible mom for letting my son know my father...aka his grandfather. This has been the cause of so much of my anxiety..

I don't know what to do guys.. my son's birthday is next week and my father was going to drive us to the beach (with my mom, grandma and sister too)... I can't because my car is not in good shape...
my kid has special needs and has been obsessing over his birthday at the beach... I feel like a complete failure as a mom :'(
Keepthepeace
Keepthepeace
You need to report it
bullito
bullito
if YouTube has a channel with images that can be understood as child pornography that has to be reported to the FBI. federal laws about child pornography and abuse are pretty harsh
Fly304
Fly304
I would seek council, advice from a lawyer. Reporting these things will in the end protect other children, quite possibly your own. There are many chances to 'mess' with a child in a few secs even, whether saying something, leering or an inappropriate touch. I would distance myself from your parents as neither are in a healthy state of mind. Its a toxic enviornment of abuse, denial, and mental illness. They both need help from professionals, but not you. All you can do is think it through, take the dad part out of the picture, even though that emotion is hard and realize yourself that you have a responsibility to not only shield your child from this nonsense but give a voice to those children that were abused and maybe even prevent the possibility of abuse in future victims.