Honey, I am so very sorry for your situation. I honestly have no advice, but I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and if you ever need to talk/vent then I am here. Remember that God loves you. There are things that happen in our lives and there is never an explaination for them, but that doesn't stop the fact that God loves you and Jesus died for you. This time of year is to celebrate the gift that God has given us and to think positive. You have life, health, and strength.

please do not be hard on yourself, this is a massive time in your life, we all take first anniversaries very bad and given the time of year its an added pressure for you.

do you have someone to confide in, or phone a helpline this can be really useful as you can say things that you wouldnt say to friends or family members,

continue to post on here, you will get support and lots of advice

debbie please allow your self the time to grief, it is a natural part of the process, but if you can reach out and get someone to support you through, my love and thoughts are with you x

I can understand this is very hard time for you. I wish I had something I could say to make you feel better. Keep talking sometimes this will help.
God Bless you and I will be thinking of you
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

I can't imagine what you have been through. Really only people who have experienced what you have can truely understand. But we here on the anxiety group can understand anxiety so I will tell you (at least for me) accepting that you will feel bad for some time - especially now - is helpful. Hard to do, but helpful. Just know "this is going to be hard and it time will pass" I don't mean that time will pass and all things will be better. I just mean that you should expect to have this increase in anxiety for a while and not try to fight it.

If you are not a part of a support group for people who have been through your experience, try to find one in your area. Also, are you seeing a counselor who has experience in this area? That may help also.
There is also medication. Some Xanax might help on a temporary basis. I wish you the best. So sorry for what you have to go through.

I just want to say thanks to all of you for your kind words and thoughtfulness. The anxiety is not new to me, but my old tricks just aren't working at this time. I'm grateful for your support. Prayers and hugs, Debbie