Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have a good friend whose company I do enjoy and she has done a lot to help me. However, whenever we get together I have to pull myself out of a mood slump afterward. She's the mother of two very small children and she has had it rough with them. They've had a lot of illnesses and other health concerns. Also, I think her husband is pretty unhelpful and never takes the kids so she can have a break. Whenever we get together she makes comments and insinuations about how much time I have on my hands and how much luxury there is in my life because I don't have kids. (I do have two older stepkids which is a different kind of stress). She knows I have an anxiety disorder, but I think she thinks it's kind of a fake disorder.
Anyway, today she even managed to offend my schooling, talking about how she thinks she wants to homeschool her kids because the schools in the US are so bad (she's Scandinavian). I finally spoke up and said, "well don't just assume every teacher and every school in America is bad. I'm the product of public schools and I had amazing teachers and a very good education."
Anyway, I just feel like an indulgent, selfish slacker whenever I'm around her. What she doesn't seem to realize is how hard it is for me right now at 37 without kids yet, something that is starting to feel a little painful. I really want to have kids and it hasn't worked out for me yet, so it is really hard whenever people say," Oh just wait till you have kids, etc, etc. lol..."
Also, I have struggled so much with finding my worth since I stopped working full time and moved away to be with my military husband in a foreign country.... I don't need someone reminding me how little responsibility I have right now. It isn't luxurious, really, it's very stressful and depressing. :(
I don't know. I just had to vent. I realized that my friend's comments and attitudes have contributed to my feelings of anxiety over the past few months. What do you do when you are close to someone who echoes all those negative thoughts and worries in your head?
Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated....
Anyway, today she even managed to offend my schooling, talking about how she thinks she wants to homeschool her kids because the schools in the US are so bad (she's Scandinavian). I finally spoke up and said, "well don't just assume every teacher and every school in America is bad. I'm the product of public schools and I had amazing teachers and a very good education."
Anyway, I just feel like an indulgent, selfish slacker whenever I'm around her. What she doesn't seem to realize is how hard it is for me right now at 37 without kids yet, something that is starting to feel a little painful. I really want to have kids and it hasn't worked out for me yet, so it is really hard whenever people say," Oh just wait till you have kids, etc, etc. lol..."
Also, I have struggled so much with finding my worth since I stopped working full time and moved away to be with my military husband in a foreign country.... I don't need someone reminding me how little responsibility I have right now. It isn't luxurious, really, it's very stressful and depressing. :(
I don't know. I just had to vent. I realized that my friend's comments and attitudes have contributed to my feelings of anxiety over the past few months. What do you do when you are close to someone who echoes all those negative thoughts and worries in your head?
Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated....
Is she the only person you can have for a friend where you are?
Can you volunteer or join some kind of activity where your chances of meeting other ppl are good?
I had a really bad choice of family and friends for a long time. I learned that there are "other fish in the sea" that had similar interests and situations as me. I am careful who I let in my life....I have had to end "negative relationships" or at least set time limits with ppl such as my mom becuz they bring me down.
I took up college a few years back for a distraction through a nasty divorce. I got all "A's" which proved I wasn't stupid like my dad and ex (and his family) kept saying I was. This squelched that fire :)
Start believing that you deserve better and spend more time searching for better ppl. In fact......once you find better/positive ppl, you will have less time to give this "busy body."
You are a good person and nobody knows your situation.....don't give the "busy body's" that much power over you.
Once you believe in yourself and you become ok and love yourself....you will attract better ppl who love and accept you just the way you are....which by the way....is a really nice person with great qualities and deserving true friends :)
The "Wait until you have kids!" kinda scared us both. And one of her sisters had a baby with her boyfriend in 1998 and another baby with him in 1999 and another baby with him in 2000. They never got married. So when it comes to having children, it's a choice. A conscious decision. With all of the options of birth control, unplanned pregnancies will not occur when the couple involves pays attention and takes responsibility.
So...my question is...why did your friend have kids? Maybe that's a fair question for you to ask her. You might also want to tell her all about the things you're doing because you have free time because you don't have kids. Not to be mean, but to change the topic of conversation to you when she "starts in" about her children (that she seems to not want).
Sounds like you definitely don't want to talk about her kids all the time. So don't! Talk about you. I bet you're pretty amazing.
I know if I saw this post from someone else, I would say just get this person out of your life! I guess I hold on because she is one person with whom I have a TON in common. She is also a skilled artist/printmaker and craftsperson so she has taught me a lot of skills without asking for anything in return other than the adult conversation and the company. I realize though, I pay a high price in how I feel afterward. I just feel really ground down by all her comments.
Well, she is moving in a few months, so maybe I will just create more limitations on the friendship and perhaps not engage to much when she takes the conversation that way. :-/
@Alan, I've wanted to ask her that question so many times!! If she is so miserable, why did she have them? And why is it my problem? When I listen to her, I definitely think twice about whether having kids is the best idea, but then I talk to other, more laid back friends, and it doesn't sound so terrible. I mean, I know it's hard, but it's supposed to be a joy. Isn't it? She doesn't even seem to be happy.