cls1988 - I was in a very similar situation to this about a year ago. I can totally relate to what you are feeling, and I do understand ! My husband has a son who was 10 years old when I met him. I had no idea what I was in for at the time. All I knew was that my husband had NO custody at the time. He was a very well behaved little boy at the time. As the years went on, and we became serious, my husband's son came back into his/ our lives without any warning. ( His mother is a very bad influence on him to this day.) All of a sudden, I had a stepson ! To make matters worse, I had already made the decision not to have any children at all. My husband knew this too. So, now I have a 15 year old who has a lot of emotional issues, and has already been in a lot of trouble. He is in an environment at his mother's that is totally negative right now. When he is here, it is a positive environment and it is much stricter over here. Anyway, what happened was we ended up filing for joint custody because of his behavior problems. We had only the best intentions when we did it. I am sure that you are familiar with the amount of anxiety that I had about the whole situation. I felt that joint custody was the best choice considering the behavior he was demonstrating. Well, I felt the same way you do - I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, and there was no backing out at the last minute. The judge had made a decision, and we could not just change our mind. Anyway, now he is going back and forth from our house to theirs for two weeks at a time. We have settled into a routine, but it has been VERY DIFFICULT. I don't know how old yours are, but I can imagine the friction between you and your husband. The responsibility alone in caring for children is huge. When you have anxiety on top of it, it is almost more than you can bear. So, like I said , I understand. If you say to yourself, " I can't do this" you won't be able to. I just started saying " I am doing this because I want, need and love my husband. " Try not to say " I can't do this. " Although, if you feel like you really cannot do this, then it may be time for some professional counseling. I just want you to know that you are not alone, and feel free to message me anytime. It does get much easier with time and adjustment. How old are your granddaughters ? Take good care, and try to calm yourself down right now. God has a plan - sometimes we just don't understand why ! Oh, also, do you take any medications ? You do not have to answer anything you do not feel comfortable with.

Many hugs,
Sugar

I'm praying for you...you're going to need it.
Hang on and put your seat belt on because you're in for a ride you'll wish you could forget. Best of Luck. Try to stay strong. Think positive (atleast there aren't 3 ).

Thanks to both of you. I am trying hard to stay positive. I was not ready to be a mom again that is for sure. Right now I am taking it hour by hour to keep my anxiety level down. I am trying to find another job which is adding to my stress level. Not many out there and Doctor wont let me go back to my current job. Either way I see tough times ahead for me. I love you all for being so caring and helping through. hugs

I really feel for you cls but i think it's time to decide what s best for you now. I think your husband wouldn't cope minding those kids alone without your help , but why should you raise someone elses kid's and sacriface your counciling while that woman parties her life away. It's so sad on those kid's but it really is not your problem . As you've said you raised your own ya know . I would come clean and tell your husband it's not working because it'll distroy ur marraige . You will become bitter an resentful after time . I know i would.

CLS,
Do not feel bad that you can'y do this it really is gift to be able to be a caregiver not being able to do does not make you a abd person some are called to do this. My mom took care of granddad until he died my uncle who loved his dad alot told my mom he just could not take care of him on a daily basis. I think being honest is better then doing something you feel you can't do. I think you should sit down and explain this to you husband because this probally will become bigger issues as times goes on. My heart goes out to you because I don't even know anyone that could take what your doing and not feel overwhelmed. It does not make you a bad person in any way. It would be hard even if you did not have all the otehr issues in your life. I pray that God will help you make the right choice that will benfit all of you and the kids.

I agree that you need to be honest. Otherwise you will not only be hurting yourself, but others in the process. Some people just have too much to deal with to take on any big life changing additions. Maybe give it a try and see if your feelings change. I would say take complete control of the supervised visits. Obviously she cant be a responsible mother so take charge with her. Tell her that when she visits there are rules. That you have been making progress with the kids and she is not to undo it all. Lay ground rules and boundaries that are enforced by not only you, but your husband.

Instead of completely chucking the whole idea out the window compromise with your husband so he see's your thoughts and feelings in a positive light. (it shows you trying to make things work.) Tell him "here are the guidleines."
example:
1." I have alot going on with my own personal well-being right now and i need all the help i can get with the kids and me."
2. Bed-time is striclty enforced. (if he is home at night it can be one of his responsibilities.) That way you are relieved at night to unwind and relax.
3. The kids can not undermind you in any decision. (he must back you.)
4. The kids have chores. (keep them busy and goal orientated. reward when there good reprimand when needed.)
5. Respect...they must respect you at all times. explain that you know they are going through alot atm, but so are you and in order for you to keep your sanity they must respect you.
6. Supervised visits from the mother....are not to undo all your hard work. If you feel it is making the children regress than take it up with CPS. (again him backing you.)
7. You must get your sessions back, cut costs other places. your mental health directly ties in with the childrens well-being. speak to CPS or look for free therapy or support groups. reach out search for your options.

and so on and so on. The responsiblity of the children cannot rest on your shoulders alone. Think of it as your own little list of demands lol, but present it as a compromise and you trying to make the best out of what was delt. Give it 6 months or so and if it doesnt work out, at least you can say "hey i tried."

also about going back to work...look for something from home, or only do part-time. Tell him that it is a big adjustment for you and you need to take things slow. Hopefully he is understanding of you and see's that you are on his side. Thats all he can really expect from you is to try. Also i hope he see's your marriage and your relationship as top priority, if he does than you have no worries. These children should not come between you...nothing should. Good luck :)

Only you know what you are capable of handling. If counselling is mandatory for you to continue, then, your husband will HAVE to help support you on this, or you will have to tell him that HE has to take care of the grandkids. It is magnanamous of you to be a mother to these children. You have a HUGE opportunity to make a difference intheir lives. However, you and you alone are the only one who knows if you can handle this. You must take care of yourself FIRST before you can be any good to anyone else.