Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
She called me. Her first words were Why don't you call me once in a while to see if I am still alive. I told her I call you every other day. That your problems and anxiety make me anxious. She says. Well I am alone a lot. Then changes topic. To how is she going to be able to see her doctor. The weather is 20 degrees. Supposed to be real cold all week. She hates going out in even 40 degree weather. She has anemia so is always cold in winter. She goes to kidney, heart, lung , internist doctors. She is on anxiety and depression meds. Me too. We both have anxiety disorder. I have had lots of therapy. Been told --moms problems are not my problems and don't destroy yourself for your mother. I need advice.
My mom is elderly, sickly (doesn't take care of herself). and has a personality disorder (borderline personality disorder).
I moved her 800 miles away from her home to live near me....not with me. She is nasty, wants me to drag her from doctor to doctor becuz she wants them to put her in the hospital for every little procedure. She had to have a tooth pulled and insisted she be given general anesthetic.....she pitched a fit. My mom also LOVES to gossip and criticize people....again....she will not stop which was draining me.
I have learned that these kind of people need to have boundaries drawn very clear and firmly. I use to call my mom all the time and visit her 2-4 times a week. I now limit my visits to once a week unless she has doctor appointments.
I gave her a computer IN her apartment and set up games on it for her (we worked together to put ones on she enjoys). I also set up games on her phone so she can play while waiting in the waiting room of the doctors or any place she has to wait for any period of time.
I think the best thing to do is get your mom interested in some sort of hobby. I put my mom in a Independent living apartment. The great part is.....she doesn't have to leave the building.....everything is right there....plenty of entertainment.....games......a pool to swim any time she wants.....exercise programs......two meals a day provided in a lovely dining area. All these things help her make friends and socialize. The workers are MY eyes and ears when I can't be there. My mom started volunteering on the welcoming committee and helping with cleaning menu's....she even helps with some of the exercising programs. This has helped me be able to separate myself from her insanity.....altho she pulled a duzy on me a few days ago......she called me practically in tears last night after I walked out of her apartment and left her to her own devices (I knew she was safe...had meals, etc)....very apologetic. I laid the rules down that she can not treat me like that and she will be met with consequences each and every time she pulls bad behavior on me. She is singing a new tune....however......I know I have the upper hand as she doesn't have anyone else to take care of her.
I have to take care of myself too or I won't be able to help her.
I make sure I get plenty of rest....eat right....exercise......and do some things I want to do (I roller skate twice a week for socialization and to release stress).
Know that the roles have reversed without memo's being sent out to either party. Keep in mind that your mom is scared, she knows she is in her final stages of life.....and she is feeling powerless.
It might not seem your mom can afford an independent living or assisted living......but aplaceformom.com will help you make that decision....their service is FREE. We didn't think my mom could afford it.....but she can. I checked out several places before I found this gem.....really nice. I fixed her apartment really nice......all her friends and management LOVE it as well.
Hang in there......and take care of yourself. Limit your time if necessary. Find an outlet for yourself (yoga? boxing? LOL) and surround yourself with as much support as you can. Give your mom firm boundaries and enforce them!!!
I wish you the best.