Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My mother has GAD and OCD so do I. My anxiety level has gone down a whole lot since I have retired from work six months ago. However, my mother is 87 years old and has high anxiety (pill don't work real well for her). She has been in therapy for many years and won't take any suggestions from therapists. She is rigid and negative (always has been). I have been having a real difficult time listening to her highly anxious, worrying conversations lately. I call her ever other day and only talk from five minutes to fifteen minutes. Mostly five to seven minutes. I don't want to call her less often she lives along, is on a walker and sort of frail. And no there is no one else (friend or neighbor to help). I'm making my self miserable, anxious and depressed. How do I stop? Thanks for your help.
Barbara
Barbara
1) She is not the problem. You are (I know...I know... I was mad when I heard this one too)
2) You can not change her so stop trying. You can change you and your own attitude though (yeah this one pissed me off too).
3) If you work on changing your own attitude it will reflect on how you deal with your mother and she will change.....eventually.
All these changes take time so please be patient with yourself and her (well, as best as you can with her...).
First - realize that you are not responsible to keep her company. She is an adult and, with her negativity, has successfully created a lonely bubble around herself. Chances are she likes it this way. But even if she doesn't YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER. You are only responsible for yourself. This is important to remember every time you talk to her. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER. Keep saying this to yourself until you believe it.
Second - Every time she says something negative say "I choose not to think that way. I think...." and say something positive. This will seriously anger her at first but eventually she will either stop saying it to you or she will change to say something positive it it's place. She won't even realize she is doing it.. just like she doesn't realize she is saying everything negative. This transition takes time... like months and months... but it does work. I went through this with my mother and now when she says something negative I simply say "that is a negative statement. I prefer to think of it this way..... "
Third - remind yourself that her issues are NOT your issues. If she is anxious and you start to get anxious too remind yourself that 'She may be anxious but I am calm". Keep telling yourself that you are calm. Try not to say 'I am NOT anxious' because this can make you focus on your own anxiety. Instead use the positive of "I am calm".
I could go on and on but please try to start with this. It does work... I promise. Just give it enough time and you will see results.
Take care
Barbara