He made fun of my daughters boyfriend. Called son a loser. Basically can’t stand his family.

Still blames me that I didn’t handle the whole sports thing.

Please make it go away.
I married someone who is the complete opposite of me.
He’s intense and demanding and controlling.

Boy is he in need of some help himself. Nobody can make it go away, hiding from it will do no good. He is as miserable as you are. But you have to keep your focus on yourself right now. No matter what he says or does.

Yes but he is miserable and his entire life is now being taken out on his current family.
I want a happy life. I am proud of my kids.
He calls names and calls everyone liars. It’s unreal

I really want to pack a bag and go. But I can’t.
The other side of it is I want him to love me and I want everything to be okay.
But it never will be. It’s impossible

You have to change the way you think. Your husband will never be what you want or need. He is verbaly abusive to you. Doesn't matter why right now. Think of yourself. Getting the Pease you want. Talk to therapist about what steps you should take first. Or just take one step any step! Your husbands anger is not really about you. Begin to emotionally separate yourself from him.
This is the time to care about yourself and your mental health. My brother is controlling, excessive anger, miserable person. I have tried to help him over the years. But he refuses to work on himself. And everyone else is at fault not him.
Start caring about you for a change.

But Tired like what do I do today when I get back home. I went to store.
I’ve been trying to take care of myself. I’ve been doing that by not engaging.
He obviously couldn’t stand it anymore.
He was literally brining up stuff from so long that i couldn’t remember.

Marian your refusing to engage is getting to him, so it’s working. Keep it up. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. You have nothing to loose. Keep your lips zipped, walk away, give him the cold shoulder, stop trying to appease him. If you try to appease him, you are giving him what he wants. This is, believe it or not, standing on your own two feet. You say he exploded, well good for him. You don’t have to let it affect you. Stand back and silently watch him with different eyes. You will see how bad off inside of himself he really is.

mtd why do you think that? He yelled at me for everything in life. Called our kids losers. Said we have no marriage.

Not trying to disagree with anyone, but I was that husband and it was not possible for me to recognize I was the issue. He seems a little different with the sports obsession but same result. If I'm following correctly you don't really want to leave him. Are you able to talk at all? Maybe a time when he is calm, that you can be open about this? I thought I'd be better off without my wife too but it's absurd. It's all clear to me now and I wish there was some way I could help you reach him.

anona, I certainly do not want the situation we are in.
I believe the only reasons I want to stay are because of the kids.

There is never a calm time with him. He has all the answers. He calls me a liar, he says I don't want to be a wife, but how could I with someone who puts me down constantly and calls me every name.
BTW I don't think I have ever called him a name.

Nobody can reach him unless he is willing to change. Sounds like he can't be reached. At least not now and probably never. There are books about walking on egg shells around people. Maybe there will be ideas to help you. Just don't let your husband see the books. Take some deep breaths and go home eventually. Unless he would get physically abusive. Just keep ignoring his ranting. Maybe you could get your therapist on the phone. Maybe you should talk to your sister. I don't know what to do next.

He’s such a brat. Would you believe he doesn’t even take the dogs out for a bathroom break just to be spiteful to me?? Just and fyi he wanted dogs I am a cat person.
He would let them suffer so I have to go out in the cold, because he does so much and I’m useless like his kids.

When one removes their emotions from a situation, they see things better, mainly for what they really are. Abusers blame others for their own problems. It’s how they think. Inside they are depleted, no self respect, no confidence in themselves, so they use easy targets to blame for their own failure. They cannot accept that they themselves are the problem. They have literally no insight into their own lack of confidence or compassion. They blame others to make themselves feel better. It’s a coping mechanism, albeit a very harmful one to those who are in their path. You are an easy target because of your own lack of self confidence and your sensitivity. When one withholds their appeasing behavior, which is what you are doing when you don’t engage with him, it enrages them, they think they are losing their control over you, that you will no longer be their scapegoat for their own perceived failings. So they explode, hoping to manipulate you to return to your appeasing behavior. What this makes him think is that you are getting stronger and will no longer submit to his outrageous behavior and it scares him, deep down, because he will no longer have a scapegoat. You want things to be better, I get that, but this behavior is not going to result in anything but more of the same bully tactics if you give in to him. It’s incredibly unhealthy and causes more harm than good. It will never change unless one of you do something to change it. You can be the one to do it. It requires you to take steps to change what you think about yourself and your situation. If you don’t, and we all know he won’t, do not expect things to get any better, things will only get worse. You can’t see it right now, but look at the responses you have been getting from folks. They see it. You are the only one who can make this go away, by first fixing yourself and standing stronger and believing in yourself. Wishing it to go away is like farting into a windstorm, it has no effect whatsoever. It takes action to make anything happen.

You said. "I believe the only reason I want to stay are the kids". You aren't helping your kids by staying with your husband. They are adults and can handle themselves with their father, you too separating, etc. Whatever happens. You aren't the kids whole world anymore. It's time to take care of yourself. You deserve a life of your own. Your not just a mother. Your a person too.

Again: When you take responsibility for you and you alone, for what you say, do, act, react, and respond, and you choose to be positive for your well-being, it requires the other person to change their response because the usual one no longer works.

You've successfully brought this situation to this point - and yet, you're still wanting it to change. So, pick your choice and move with it.

Feelings do not change a person. When you put yourself first and the animals are in a safe environment, you will begin the long road towards healing your well-being and you will find you.

The only hope for him to figure out how much he cares about you is for you to step back and keep your balance in the positive direction.

Your kids are adults. They choose their path. You now choose yours.

Writing it out is letting it out, but that alone will not make things change.