I was doing really good on a scale of 1 to 10 were 10 is being about to take myself to the hospital and 1 being what I would like to consider normal. I was a 10 in April partially because I just went off of Birth Control pills, dealing with finally seeing my mothers grave for the first time, meeting all of my in laws, a little stress at work nothing major, finding out that a good friend was dying of brain cancer and dealing with his wife turning on several friends of his including myself. Working on a major weight loss program, and the reconstruction of my entire home. Over the past month I have been doing the 12 step program and was on step 4 which is the exercise. I have usually been good until now seeing my triggers start and knowing I needed to get up and do something, even my boss commented on my demeanor calming down. Well being I haven't been in touch with my friend for the month that he was alive I have been following a Carebridge page that's been set up and a young friend has kept me updated on her on free will. Well he died Monday, and I am grateful to God that he is no longer suffering, and I was preparing myself for the funeral which being he was kind of like an adopted father I totally wasn't looking forward to it but because I couldn't pay my respects when he was alive I fully wanted to pay my respects now. Well I just got an email last night I plus several other friends of his have been told we are not welcome at the funeral. Grant you over the years his wife has done lots of things I did not respect and felt were not right to my friend I put up with them for his sake. Well the funeral is tomorrow and go figure the funeral home they picked is the one that is 2 blocks from my house. Right now I would say my anxiety is about a 5-6 and I feel like a failure in my goal to keep it under control. I know my hormones are not an issue anymore because I didn't even know my period was coming on me this month (it was a week early). I know the anxiety is because I am letting her get to me. Tonight I am planning on taking a long walk while I wait for my husband to get done work. Tomorrow my husband and I will be leaving before the services and will not be home until after its done. (Husband is in protective mode over me and knows if we sit around he can't promise not to walk out that door and let her know what he thinks of her, which isn't by any means appropriate on the day of my good friends funeral) The plan is that I will be getting some walking in with him and just avoiding any confrontation that could take place. Though I am not proud of how I am feeling right now and wish I had better control,
All of my big stressers should be done tomorrow. I will be back to reading step 5 this weekend and continuing with the program and knowing I need to take baby steps to get things under control.

God Bless