Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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mae2014 05/04/2014

So for the past month or so I have really had my anxiety under control. I haven't had any anxious feelings at all really which has been so nice. But last night and today I have been having some problems. I have a friend who is going through a rough time and she has called me upset quite a few times in the past couple days. She is my best friend and I want to be there for her whenever she needs me, but every time she calls we basically have the same conversation. I have said all I can about the situation and it's getting frustrating that I can't say anything else. I feel bad that I can't give her the answers or any better advice. It's stressing me out that she is so upset and that I can't really help her other than just listen and say what I have. Every time I talk to her lately I just get these anxious feeling in my stomach and in my chest because it makes me upset that she is so upset. To be honest when I see her name come up on my phone I don't really want to answer my phone because I know we are going to have the same conversation and that I'm going to feel stressed afterwards. I feel like a bad friend that I don't want to answer, but its just kind of frustrating that I can't have a normal conversation with my best friend because she brings every conversation back to this issue. I don't know why this is causing me so much anxiety. It's annoying because of how anxiety free I have been for the past few weeks. I just feel bad that I can't help her and that I don't really want to talk to her about this situation anymore. It's also freaking me out that I'm getting anxious feelings in my chest because that has never happened before. I'm not really sure what advice I"m looking for but I just felt like I needed to tell someone and this was the best outlet i could think of at the moment.

JudyFZ 05/05/2014

I know how you feel. It is really hard to give someone support when you are the one needing the support. Just remember that you've been going through a rough time, too. You could try honesty if you're feeling brave. You could let her know that she means the world to you but you have challenges of your own and you find it extremely draining to constantly talk about the same issues.

It sounds like it is not therapeutic for her, either, if she just keeps circling back to the same problems without finding any solutions. You could remind her that sometimes it's best to get your mind off your problems by distracting yourself with something else. Invite her to see a movie - that way she can't talk the whole time but you can still spend some time together.

If that doesn't work, I would suggest backing off from friendship for awhile. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. It's not a crime to screen your calls.

healingtears 05/05/2014

I can relate to both sides. I'm sure when I have been anxious about things I drive people NUTS going over the same thing and asking the same questions. I feel bad because I know it's hard to listen to. That's how I process anxiety. It makes me feel better to just have someone listen even if we have had the same conversation 10 times. This mostly happens with my mom cause she has know I do this my whole life. I try to avoid it with others.

I don't know your friends situation but maybe she just needs to think out loud and doesn't need you to fix it. I find more help when people just listen instead of trying to fix my anxiety cause it's not real so they can't fix it. Even if your friend doesn't have anxiety I'm sure listening is helpful. Maybe talk to her about how you want to help but you don't know what else to say. Ask her what she needs from you and if she just wants you to listen. This wont last forever but talking about how your feeling is important. If that doesn't work I'm sure she would understand if she is a true friend.

Mike1975 05/05/2014

I tend to deal with my anxiety(usually social) like healingtears. I know I drive my Mom in particular and the few friends I can talk to nuts when it is really bad and I repeat the same things but just having someone to talk to makes me feel better. But if it is causing you anxiety, you can try telling her that you do want to help but need a break at times because of your anxiety, not even saying that it is because of her problems. I know it would be hard for me, but I think if a friend told me that, it would be enough to try and hold back somewhat at least and give some space for you to deal with what you have to.

mae2014 05/05/2014

Thank you all for your advice and for listening. I know what she is going through is difficult for her and I'm doing my best to be there for her. I also know that this is just how she is. She worries and overthinks and once something is on her mind it's all she thinks about. It's hard for me to really distract her because we are at schools in different states, the best I can do with that is tell her to go spend time with her roommate or her friends. I know she just wants the reassurance that she is doing the right thing, which I've given countless times.

And I'm sure if this situation was the other way around she would want to be able to help me too. I just think the worst part of the whole thing is that I don't really have the answers or explanations that she wants and it's hard to know your best friend is so upset and there is nothing you can do about it.

I know she would understand if I said something to her about how this is stressing me out, but I don't want her to feel like she can't come to me with her problems. And I don't want to turn the attention around on me. I don't generally reach out to people like I should when I have problems with my anxiety because I don't want other people to have to deal with my problems. Right now I don't want my friend to be worried about me because she is already stressed enough.

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