Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Got married 1 1/2 months ago, found out she was pregnant 3 weeks ago. It's really a great time for both of us.
Problem is, we just had our first argument/"discussion" of the marriage. It concerned the band that I play in. We don't play a ton of gigs, it's really just for fun. My wife has supported the band and my love of music in the past; now she thinks i should scale back practices and think about quitting the band. She says that I can get the benefits I've always gotten from music by playing it on my own.
This is bringing me a lot of anxiety because, while I know I need to make sacrifices of my time for my wife and family, music has been my saving grace (relieving stress and anxiety, stoking my creativity) as long as I can remember. Playing music with my friends has only deepened that love, and preparing for a gig with the payoff of seeing people sing along and dance and groove to what we're doing -- not much compares with that. Bottom line, it's something I love, and I worry that my wife is taking that away. This makes me think, logically or illogically, about what this means for her and I's future. Will she be controlling and a "dream-killer," or can we compromise on things?
This is really starting to stress me out, and in a domino-effect kind of way, and I'm starting to remember how the anxiety attacks of my past began. I'm also feeling some guilt about it -- maybe I've been selfish about this?
Problem is, we just had our first argument/"discussion" of the marriage. It concerned the band that I play in. We don't play a ton of gigs, it's really just for fun. My wife has supported the band and my love of music in the past; now she thinks i should scale back practices and think about quitting the band. She says that I can get the benefits I've always gotten from music by playing it on my own.
This is bringing me a lot of anxiety because, while I know I need to make sacrifices of my time for my wife and family, music has been my saving grace (relieving stress and anxiety, stoking my creativity) as long as I can remember. Playing music with my friends has only deepened that love, and preparing for a gig with the payoff of seeing people sing along and dance and groove to what we're doing -- not much compares with that. Bottom line, it's something I love, and I worry that my wife is taking that away. This makes me think, logically or illogically, about what this means for her and I's future. Will she be controlling and a "dream-killer," or can we compromise on things?
This is really starting to stress me out, and in a domino-effect kind of way, and I'm starting to remember how the anxiety attacks of my past began. I'm also feeling some guilt about it -- maybe I've been selfish about this?
We ALL need an outlet for our own sanity. I have been married for 11 years now. Let's say all of the sudden my hubby asked me to give up listening to my relaxation CD's like I have been doing for almost the entire marriage. I would say NO WAY, they help me relex and if you don't like it go to another room. He knows deep in his heart it is my outlet and if he was to ask me to give that up...it would be pretty selfish in my opinion.
I know cicumstances are way different, but I think she is in the wrong. SIt down and talk it out. Don't argue, don't yell and scream, just tell her what you told us. If she truly loves you she will not ask you to give up the band of your music.
Just one woman's opinion here! Best of luck to ya! Keep us posted!
But ulitmately, you have to think about yourself here and not her. If the band is your only release and the only way you have to feel good and get a break from anxiety, then you can't let it go. You will just end up miserable and resenting your wife and that would be far more dangerous to your marriage then playing in a band every so often. As long as you find a good balance between your family and your band, I think you should keep it up!
Maybe there's a way to play in the band "recreationally", just on weekends, that wouldn't interfere with a full-time gig that pays the bills during the week-? Is that what you're doing now and she wants you with her and the kid on weekends? In which case, yes, she's being a bit overdemanding. Have her bring the baby and rock on!
Maybe if you land some band gigs that pay really well, she won't bitch too much, 'cause the money's great-!
Maybe the TEMPTATION, of groupies and crazy, sex-starved chicks is what your wife is worried about-! That being in a band will make it all too easy for you to step out of your marriage and family, and stray! Well, that may be true, but, if that's going to happen, it'll happen in a 9-5 office job too. Have you reassured your wife that you love her and only her?
Life's all a trade-off, a compromise. Gotta give up something to get something else. And having a family does involve a sacrifice, of time, money and energy. There's only so many hours in the day. But I'm sure, as long as playing in the band doesn't interfere with your ability to make a buck, some compromise can be reached.