Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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feeling not good enough

VioletOctober
VioletOctober
I am to much of a deep thinker..everything has to be perfect in my eyes and I've come to realize the perfection I've been visualizing is unattainable. How to handle this realization is something that needs to be figured out. I feel I'm incapable of doing anything at all; that ill mess up completely, forget or just not be able to pick it up at all. I have trouble focusing and the thoughts of not being good enough are debilitating me. I've avoided jobs, classes, hobbies and auditions that could have potentially been something for me. Even if I do try something, I look at everyone else around me and compare myself to how they've done and find everything wrong with what I've done. The anxiety and panic I get from this is so horrifying sometimes I just don't know how to handle it at all. Its like not completely knowing yourself, your abilities and what you're capable of. I bartended for the first time after finishing classes for it and of course comparing myself to the other graduates thinking I was terrible. I got so nervous I messed up with the register and with some drinks in the beginning but got the swing of it towards the end. They never called me back..probably left a bad impression being so nervous and making those few mistakes..but I really did do well after that and the customers liked me. Now tomorrow I have training at another bar and I am absolutely terrified that I will mess up and make a fool out of myself. I don't know all the drinks and I know my hands will be shaking. I mean I know I should take my time breathe and just go slow but sometimes me being so nervous turns me incapable and ditsy and its just out of control. I just want to know I'm not alone..I mean, I know people get nervous starting new things but I obsess and get terrible panic from it.
stillearning57
stillearning57
Have you ever heard the expression, "Mistakes are only opportunities for growth?" It's true. That's all they are and everyone makes them (with the exception of those who never try anything new). Try not to be so hard on yourself. There is no such thing as being perfect. What I think is perfect, you may not. Strive to do the best you can - that's all you can do. If you make a mistake here and there, that's part of life. Learn from it and keep on going. If you relax your attitude a little, you'll actually probably do better. It's hard to perform well when you're a nervous wreck. Also the fact that you avoid things you may enjoy because you're afraid you won't be perfect at them shows you something's not working for you in your way of looking at things. Do the things you enjoy, put your all into it and enjoy it and don't worry if it's perfect. See what happens. - stillearning57
Ambrosia6
Ambrosia6
I'm a perfectionist too. It shows up for me a lot in my studies. I eventually learned I need to stop shooting for perfection and just shoot for A's. Recently my therapist has been telling me about a book she read that said in general, we should shoot for 80%. That's generally enough, in any situation - getting the house clean, studying for a test, serving your customers. It's helped me to think about things that way. I still want more than 80% (especially when it comes to grades) but it helps me let go a little more.

Another thing that may or may not help - imagine if you saw your friends make the same mistake you made. How would you feel toward your friend? I know I'm very forgiving towards other people, but extremely hard on myself. It helps put things in perspective for me.
Ambrosia6
Ambrosia6
Oh, I want to add - you ARE good enough. You are YOU. You have a right to exist. You have a right to pursue happiness. You are worth your mistakes. Your value is greater than any mistake you could make and you deserve grace.
VioletOctober
VioletOctober
Thank u al much guys. Yeah its so hard to shake the pressure I put on myself. I do notice when I relax I perform better..its just getting relaxed is the challenge. And its so true that I'm so understanding towards other people and so hard on myself..it seems likea lot of people are like that. Its just I'm a huge clutz and make a lot of mistakes and always mess things up so its kind of like I always feel like even if I really try its pointless because I always mess up again I'm naturally just a walking disaster. Its kind of funny but at the same time I cant understand why
deleted_user
deleted_user
Violet, a lot of us are right there with you. We set impossible standards for ourselves and for others. The perfectionist in us is our greatest asset and our worst enemy. It can drive us forward or drag us down. I can't pretend to have the answers, only offer solace in the fact that you are not alone. Positive thoughts go a long way - as does the 80% principle. Wrangling the irrational expectations is tough, but it is possible. It takes time and practice. Gradually you begin to notice that you're able to do more things, with a little more confidence and a little less self-judgement. Baby steps. You'll get there. Just breathe :)