Courtney, that's tough. I know when my anxiety is bad there is this out of control feeling that is very scary. Kind of like I don't know what triggers the anxiety, so I don't know when or how it is going to end. Then when it goes away, I will occasionally fear that it may come back when I least expect it. I guess for me I just think that if it comes back which it probably will someday, it will also go away again.

I definitely relate. About 9 weeks ago, I decided to change my attitude and "let go" of everything that was creating anxiety in my life. Sounds easier said than done and it hasn't been easy, trust me. But, recently, I have begun to feel similar to what you described. Suspicious of this freedom. Paranoid about the people in my life keeping things from me so I won't get upset. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

At times I actually feel more anxious than when things were notably "bad." What I have realized is I have dealt with my anxiety most of my life, therefore when things are going well, I seem to self-sabotage or manifest problems that aren't really there. Does this sound like what you're experiencing?

This is what I have been consistent with in the past 9 months that has helped me "let go" in the first place:

taking my anti-anxiety medication everyday
keep a gratitude journal and write every night a "happy moment" that impacted me that day
read the list of commandments I created for myself (i.e. don't gossip, love yourself unconditionally, etc.) to remind me what I am working towards and where I've come from.
read an inspirational book (i.e. nine rooms of happiness, conversations with god, etc.)

Not sure if this helps, but I wish you all the best. Keep in touch. :)

Melissa

Anxiety is like a little flame that is always there. When we have these anxious thoughts we are putting fuel on the fire. They are just thoughts and we have hundreds of thoughts going into our minds and we don't have to look at every one and examine it, and dwell on it. Just let the anxious thought come in your head and out. Challenge thought. You think I think my vision is blurring. Now challenge that thought and say My vision is blurry for a moment because wither I turned my head to fast and my eyes didnot get a chance to focus or I am just concentrated on my eyes. It is no big deal. My eyes are healthy. I will not give in to the anxiety thinking.

Take a deep cleansing breath as many times as you can through out the day. As they say live in the moment and enjoy the moment. If you are focused on the moemnt rather than your eyes, or your heart or your breathing, you will not give anxiety a chance to peak its ugly head in. So a you are on DS or what ever you are doing in the moment. Tell yourself you are enjoying this moment. It feels good. Before you know it your in the nexrt moment and the next and the day is done.

I am always scanning for new symptoms to set me off. I've got some weird stuff going on right now and I'm just waiting for MORE weird stuff all the time. It's all probably related to my anxiety, but my god it's hard to shut it off and not worry!

Some days I feel pretty good and others are a living hell.

I am always over-analyzing my symptoms and searching for answers. I had a major panic/anxiety breakdown about 7 years ago, used medication and got better. Well, it has happened again...been going thru it since October. Some days I thought I was better, and then it would get worse. I finally gave in and started celexa. I usually would just use xanax as needed, but once I started taking it every day, I knew I had a problem.
I am on meds, seeing a therapist, and have a pretty easy life. Wonderful career, wonderful husband and family, and financially secure. I hope I can pass this and start a family soon!

I totally understand how you feel. At the end of the day, I find myself always thinking about how i feel....right when i wake up, i think, how do i feel and how is my anxiety going to make me feel today. Our minds are incredibly powerful and those of us with anxiety, our minds are very open to suggestive thought. For example, I am invited to dinner and i think boy i hope i don't feel dizzy hot and anxious....and guess what, i feel dizzy hot and anxious.

its really important to change the "tape" we all have playing in our heads...

one with positive thoughts, the we deserve to live life without anxiety. think of those times you are not thinking about anything but the moment.... i believe through prayer and positive thought each of us can improve every day in our ability to deal with our anxiety.

best of luck....

I am certainly right there with you!!! I always pretty much think I am going nuts... but then i try and remind myself it is just the anxiety... i am just starting effexor on my second week and i have to say i sort of feel like it is getting better.. occasionally i still need a quick fix like an ativan or somethingk, but i am finding it easier to push things from my mind and not dwell on things QUITE so much... it is comforting just to know Im not alone!! Hugs!

I was thinking the same thing. Everything was going well and now I am getting the anxiety feeling again. The racing thoughts, the feeling that every minor pain is something major. I wanted to stay feeling great and now it's coming back. I just want to stop it before it does.