Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi everyone,this is my first post. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional stuff at home right now. My mom calls me names, makes assumptions about me and my character, and refuses to let me expain to herself or tell her that she is wrong. She has a very bad relationship with her own mother, and the two haven't spoken in years. It's difficult for me to remember I am not the awful person she tries to make me think I am, but it is very hard to forget all the mean words she speaks to me. She makes my anxiety so much worse, and all the sadness and yelling at my home is distracting me from my school work. Any tips for dealing with this?
I allowed my parents and most members of my small family to manipulate me and I subjected myself to the dysfunction and didn't realize how toxic they were for my mental health until the past few years. I am 33, and choose to no longer be apart of it. Believe me, I have been through it all with them. I've tried, begged, pleaded, loved harder, tried harder, took the blame, apologized when I shouldn't of, listened to all their self made problems...tried to support them it was never enough. It wasn't until I found out I was going to be a mother that I was able to put my foot down. I realized in that moment that I could never subject her to them. I finally set clear boundaries and expectations and I followed through with consequences. Unfortunately in my case my family couldn't or wouldn't respect me and since I was no longer allowing them to manipulate and control me they chose to not be in my life. It wasn't easy. I still have many many scars and lonely feelings I deal with. Losing the majority of my family was not easy especially through my difficult pregnancy. But I couldn't do it anymore.
Now two years later my father asked around for my contact info and when I reached out to him by email he only wanted to talk about himself and didn't even blink and eye or hint at the fact that we haven't talked in close to two years. Didn't even ask about my daughter. In that moment I had enough distance between them that I saw him for who he was. A selfish narcissistic man that has no connection to me. I replied that I didn't want to hear his problems and when he was ready to be a better father and grandfather then maybe we could talk then. It hurt all over again, the let down that maybe he had changed was quick and he pulled no punches with his reply.
"Understand. I do hope everyone is fine."
And that was it.
It hurts to set expectations because when people refuse to meet them it is hurtful, but toxic people are hurtful no matter what. It's just a measure of how much you will let them hurt you. Now quick background-my dad was a horribly mentally and physically abusive meth addict my entire childhood and into adulthood. He was neglectful and never showed any love or affection. He felt children should be seen and not heard. My mother was even worse. No drugs but she was terribly toxic. Involved me in her problems as a child and treat me as a friend rather than daughter. She is completely selfish and if I don't let her control me she isn't happy. She puns family members against each other and is the puppeteer. She control everything. The rest of her family are washed up drug addicts and generally vile people. I held on for a long time expecting change or an apology and neither came.
It is lonely, especially when you don't have family. I am at a weird place where I don't have many people close to me. Makes me miss the idea of a family that would be good to me, but I don't miss them specifically. Just because we are related doesn't mean they are good for me. I know your young and not in a position to cut them out of your life, so all I can tell you is focus on school. Manage your expectations. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean they are going to be good at it. You know her behavior, it's a cycle. Just remind yourself that school or a job is your way out. Bide your time and surround yourself with people who lift you. When you are older and on your own you will be able to control how close you let them in.
Hang in there.